Noisy neighbor - that's me!

For all the above who think I'm being nasty, sorry but I disagree

Well of course you disagree Hetty. What comes across loud and clear is that you're angry and jealous that sluttygran has her daughter and grandchildren round more regularly than you approve of. She hasn't broken any covid regulations so what business is it of yours to question why she needs them to visit hourly, daily or every 5 minutes? Both you and her neighbour needs to get on with your own lives and leave others to do the same.

Our previous neighbour, an elderly lady, complained about any noise we made in our semi detached house and believe me we used to creep around in our own home, particularly at night. The walls were so thin if she heard us go to the loo in the middle of the night she would bang on the wall and sing in a high pitched voice - I used to put loo paper down before peeing in case she heard! To get 'revenge' if we had any work done in the house she would bang on the radiators and pipes in her house in the middle of the night for hours. As we worked full time and she was retired it was so disturbing and distressing. It literally made my husband ill and caused us so much strife. She was a sick woman no doubt with mental health issues but she made our lives an absolute misery. I'd be surprised if being nice to your neighbour will appease her as she probably sits there listening for any little noise.

I don't think you should change how you live its not as if you are having wild parties. I'd say just continue to enjoy your perfectly reasonable visits from your family being as considerate as you can which it sounds like you are.

Unless its noise in the early hours I can’t see she has much to complain about. She has probably got into a state about it all through stress which is a shame but not a lot you could do about it really except what others have said i.e. offer flowers/cakes etc.

Your neighbour, and her daughter are being unreasonable.

Explain that you have no intention of keeping your GC quiet when they are at your house. They are not there long and it is unfair to make their visits to Granny unpleasant.

Next time they threaten to call the police tell them that that is their prerogative. The police will realise where the problem really lies - and it is not with you.

Some people are more sensitive than others to noise and that can go hand in hand with feeling invaded which would make the sound even more troubling. There are some very good earphones around now. I use these, they are expensive but excellent - www.djkit.com/flare-audio

We have had new neighbours move in this summer, they have two boys of 6 and 8 and a girl of 5. We live in a semi detached house and the noise is extraordinary. They're nice enough people but we would never have chosen to live beside them and we're now trying to move. Even if you've had children, and our's weren't angels, it gets harder as you age to deal with the range and loudness of sounds. Also other people's children are less easy to tolerate than one's own!!

If a person lives in a flat they must expect a certain amount of noise. Of course, loud music, excessive DIY noise, going on into the evening/night, is unreasonable but I really don't think it is reasonable to complain about a washing machine or footsteps.

I'm not sure what you can do to address this situation but I really don't think you should get too upset about it. It's possible the daughter has got stressed because her mum is continually complaining about you - and probably many other things as well. I'm pretty sure the police would have no interest in this at all.

I did get really fed up when my neighbours' small daughter kept running up and down the garden in the summer screaming a very high pitched scream. I used to look forward to the weekend - sitting outside in the sunshine and reading a book - but I often just had to go indoors. I would never have said anything, though, because my neighbours are so nice. Their daughter is married now with two children.

Eloethan

I agree with you, if you choose to live in a flat, then you surely are expecting a certain amount of noise. That’s not to say people shouldn’t be respectful to each other.

As for the police, they don’t come out if you call them for an actual crime, so they’re hardly likely to turn up for an editable three year old.

Excitable!

I think you have taken all the steps you can sluttygran to keep the noise levels down. I would think your neighbours would complain about any sounds they heard. Some people are not at all tolerant of others.
I wouldn't worry about it and enjoy your family visits.

One of the joys of living in a flat.
My sister had a woman living above her who had the GS visit evry day, I swear he wore hob nailed boots and some of the time he must have played on a pogo stick. The noise was dreadful, apparently she didn't realise you are not supposed to have hard floor surfaces in flats. Our flat had a clause in the leasehold saying all areas must be carpeted, failure to comply would result in eviction.

I cant imagine trying to keep my three year old grandson quiet! We have a detached house so don't annoy the neighbours, but I suspect they don't like it when the grandchildren go wild in our garden. I dont know the solution, as flats are notorious for carrying noise. Maybe let him watch TV a bit, read some books, do a jigsaw?

I would simply pop a very nice note to your downstairs neighbour, explaining the situation. It is not in any way unreasonable to have your grandchildren around for 3 hours in the afternoon. Perhaps on nice days you could visit the local park so your grandson can let off some steam.

Don’t feel too bad, the neighbour might not even be aware that her daughter came upstairs all guns blazing

sluttygran

I have just been visited by my neighbour's daughter, who complains that her mother's life is being made a misery by my noisy grandchildren.
My neighbour lives in the flat downstairs to mine, and I have always been very careful to step quietly and not to bang around, because she seems very sensitive. I have had numerous complaints about my washing machine running, and my vacuum cleaner, which is very awkward, as I don't use either unduly.
Anyway its come to head during lockdown as my daughter is in my 'bubble', and brings the DGC to tea most afternoons. They are always gone by 6pm.
My granddaughter age 7 is a very quiet child, but my grandson age 3 is quite boisterous. He doesnt scream or shout, but he runs around a lot and I daresay his little pattering
feet can be heard downstairs.
I am at a loss for what to do - I can't nail him to a chair for the 2-3 hours he's here!
Normally the children would be at school or nursery, but of course Coronavirus has put paid to that. The weather has recently been too awful to take them out very much, and so Nanny's house has become a refuge in the afternoons.
My little grandson has been seriously ill, and the stress of that added to the lockdown and everything has led to DD becoming very anxious and depressed. She gets afraid shut up in her own house, although she's ok when her husband gets home, and she feels happier when she's with me.
I understand that my neighbour doesn't like her afternoon naps disturbed, but I don't know what to do.
I can't turn my back on my family when they need me, neither can I expect a 3 year old to sit quietly all day, but I do understand that my neighbour doesn't like children around.
She's threatening to call the police and has also said some quite bizarre things about my sewing machine running all day. I dont sew, and have nothing running apart from the usual domestic appliances.
I'm tempted to tell her to take a running jump, but she's elderly (as am I!), and besides, her daughter seems very wound up about it all.
What do Gransnetters think?
Is there anything I can do, or should I just be philosophical and let them complain?

This is a very difficult situation. Noise can't be shut off. If there is a bad sight you can shut your eyes. From noise there is no escape. And as we are now all shut inside, the situation is dire.
All I can suggest is that you try and tell your neighbour the times when things are likely to get noisy so they can take their exercise when you do your housework. Try to be understanding ,and helpful.

First of all, I’m sure the police wouldn’t take any action - it’s Environmental Health that deals with noise, and for the few times there is any ‘noise’ they wouldn’t take action either.

Your neighbour seems to be over-sensitive, and you really shouldn’t stop your daughter and grandchildren from visiting. Hopefully, with the onset of Spring you will be able to go out instead of having them at home. But please don’t start creeping around, just carry on as usual so that your neighbour realises that you won’t be bullied.

This is common problem in flats with no soundproofing, just ignore her, tell everyone it's normal noises of everyday things and there is no more you can do,

I live below a family with a 4 year old, she runs about all the time. It can be annoying at times but I accept it as part of living in a flat. I have a GD who is almost 4 and I know how much she runs around at home.

Yesterday 19:55 Hetty58

sluttygran, 'help with household tasks' - every day, for three hours (with a kid running around) - really? I think you are just a neighbour from hell.

Good grief ! What an awful response !!

It’s clear to most of us on here that sadly the lady below is being unreasonable and the granny above has done nothing wrong !!!

So poor diddums sensitive neighbour, who I daresay has little to do in her life but listen out for your every move, has her nap disturbed by the pitter-patter of a teeny tot for a couple of hours always ending at 6?
Please, don't offer her a present or anything else suggesting that you're in the wrong; you're not. Sounds like you're being painfully aware to tiptoe around her. Noises are part of life. If you're going to buy her anything, make it a pair of earplugs, and let her know that you'll be delighted to offer the local coppers a cup of tea if they visit (which is unlikely since you are in no way breaking the law).
Don't worry about this nasty busybody, carry on with your life and stay safe.

Oh dear that’s awful you must feel on edge all the time and that’s no way to live. The sewing machine noise she speaks of makes me wonder if she is actually ill - I lived in a terrace house when I was first married and the lady next door said she could hear my cats dragging furniture around in the night! I was younger then and just lost my rag with her when she posted a letter about it through my front door! I knocked on her door and let rip! Strangely after that we never heard another word (I’m not advocating that as a way to deal with it though). I’ve been upstairs in a maisonette where the tenants downstairs made our life a misery - they let their children run up and down and through all the doors slamming them as they went (and I’m not exaggerating). But once a noise is started to annoy you the problem can escalate in your head - I would certainly try speaking gently to her and see if you can get on a better footing - you never know it might work. Wish you well and hope for a happy outcome for you.

My partner and I are both 78 and we had a young neighbour complaining we were disturbing her with our love making, even in the early hours!!!!!

geekesse

I was about to suggest the same and then realised we are in lockdown, so we cannot do this.

The original poster has also explained she has mobility issues and struggles with stairs in and out of her flat so going to her daughters or the park etc isn’t possible

She is just over sensitive - she probably 'doesn't have a life' and is jealous of the company you have. I had a friend who was in your situation, she used to crawl across the floor to save disturbing the neighbour who apparently still did "hear" the movement.
If she threatens to call the police, just tell her to 'go ahead' It might help to find some help for your over sensitive neighbour!!

Many years ago we lived in a flat and one day when opening the door to leave I found the downstairs neighbour with her ear to my door! She then began to complain about the noise and hearing every footstep we took - she obviously did not hear me walking towards the front door.
She was hearing noises all day too despite the fact that we were both put all day and the flat was empty with no devices running.

Nothing wrong Cossy? I'm just amazed that so many people think it's perfectly OK. We're in the middle of a pandemic - with a national lockdown. Applying 'normal' logic and conventions is simply inappropriate.

Yes, I'm very angry with all the pathetic excuses and selfish, inconsiderate behaviour. There's obviously no need for daily visits and upsetting the downstairs neighbour.

Meeting outside is fine now that the weather's improving. I walk with my daughter as we've both had our jabs (she's a key worker) but socialising indoors and sharing meals is still too risky. We could possibly pick up the virus - and pass it on to others.

We are sensible, considerate and cautious - appropriate for the situation we're in. We're prepared to make sacrifices now and put our plans on hold.

As for it being none of my business - oh yes it is. Anyone who puts the lives and happiness of others in danger needs a wake up call.

Will you all feel the same when you lose friends and family members to this awful virus? Will it just be 'bad luck? Or will you resent the 'Me, me, me - and to hell with the rest of you brigade?

To be honest I think you have done all you can to reduce the noise, I would just leave it.