Gransnet forums

AIBU

Time scale could be a week or 6 months+ how do l stay positive

(62 Posts)
Janburry Fri 26-Feb-21 12:33:50

Due to DH failing health we are on the housing list for a bungalow and have been for nearly a year, it could be next week or 6 months + and its really getting me down. I love gardening but can't see the point as we can't take it with us, we have some pots and baskets but realise the garden won't be very big so am trying not to buy more, l have sorted out things for rubbish, recyling and sold what l can but have come to a stand still, l can't start packing as it could be months, but if l don't it could be next week, and DH can't do anything, my children will help on moving day but until then I'm in limbo and starting to feel myself getting depressed by it all. Do l need a good shake lol

MadeInYorkshire Fri 26-Feb-21 12:51:38

I am in a similar boat, but selling mine. Had a buyer at the beginning of the week who has now pulled out. I really can’t bear the stress of it all. I need a bungalow too but there are none on the market and certainly not within my budget! So will end up no doubt with a pokey little hovel I hate with stairs I can’t get up! Argggggggh, am with you!

BlueBelle Fri 26-Feb-21 12:54:57

If you want to downsize and can’t afford a bungalow have you ever thought of a chalet or mobile home they are cheap in comparison and are so warm and wonderful now not like a little caravan really quite luxurious
If I was going to move or downsize that’s what I d do they are often in lovely green areas toov

NellG Fri 26-Feb-21 12:57:00

No, no shaking - a cuppa and a bit of sympathy though. I was in a similar position before we moved and it is hard, hard, hard.

My advice, for what it's worth, is start to pack slowly, just stuff you don't use everyday - for example, we only really wear a handful of clothes regularly, so the excess can be packed. Spend a bit of time day dreaming about how you'd like the new place to look - I know you probably dont know what the layout etc will be but it's still quite nice to think about an 'ideal' home. Have a flick through some plant websites/catalogues and plan some planting perhaps. Maybe even, if you can, start to replace a few things ( I bought new tea towels, mine were old and grey and though still useful were a cheap enough thing to change over time).

Mainly try to get your mind to look forward to living in a new, better adapted home, rather than how dreadful the lead up will be. Neither has happened yet, so why not indulge the positive scenario? Otherwise you have to go through it once, but worry about it a million times.

Good luck, I hope it all happens soon for you. x

sodapop Fri 26-Feb-21 13:16:09

It's not knowing which is wearing isn't it janburry as suggested by NellG you could start packing the things you don't use often, discarding things which are surplus to requirements etc. Treating yourself to a few new things for your new home will also put a more positive slant on things.
I hope it all works out for you.

Grandmabatty Fri 26-Feb-21 13:36:39

I agree with NellG. I downsized to a bungalow three years ago. The summer before I moved I began to gradually get rid of things in the house. Believe me when I say my four bedroom house was stuffed with things, the majority of which weren't mine! I had lots of visits to the dump and charity shops. I took it a room at a time and cleared it out. I left the garage til last. You will feel better if you can sort things out before you move. My mum kept saying she would take everything and do a clear out in her new flat. Needless to say,that hasn't happened. Ten minutes at a time is all you need to get started. Fill a bag for a charity shop and take it right away. I would keep the garden tidy so at least it's nice for you to look at. Good luck.

SJV07 Fri 26-Feb-21 13:43:01

MadeinYorkshire, how about a stairlift? My mother had one for years, via Social Services etc, and also repaired, replaced . Saves moving house.
We are lucky, have ample room for one when it is needed! Hopefully not for a while!

Oopsadaisy1 Fri 26-Feb-21 13:43:22

I would go with what NellG says, as you have already decluttered, there really isn’t much else you can do, except for try to be patient.
Hopefully Lockdown will soon be over and you can get out and about.
Limbo is unsettling that’s for sure.
Best wishes to your DH.

Septimia Fri 26-Feb-21 13:43:35

If you know where you are likely to be moving to, you could research groups and activities that you might be interested in, at least when we're free to do them, and perhaps make contact with them, which are the best shops locally, where you might go for a walk when you can etc.

flump Fri 26-Feb-21 13:55:57

I get annoyed when searching for bungalows on property websites. Many are now "Chalet Bungalows", having had the roof space converted into bedrooms. Why don't the owners buy a house in the first place? That would leave the bungalows for those who want, or, especially need, a home on one level.

Janburry Fri 26-Feb-21 15:02:44

Thank you all for your positive comments, lifted me up no end, unfortunately we live on pension and benefits and the little amount l earn due to DH illness do no chance of buying, our present landlady was willing to allow a stair lift but it wasn't feasible, it will happen for us eventually l think I've just got lockdown syndrome lol l will definitely start acting on some of your positive ideas thank you all so much

Grandmabatty Fri 26-Feb-21 15:34:04

I'll keep my fingers crossed it happens soon for you Janburry

Hellogirl1 Fri 26-Feb-21 20:03:08

BlueBell, ground rent on mobile homesites can be quite high. We looked into the idea a few years ago, and found out that the site owners were allowed to set their own rates for gas and electricity, usually higher than the going rate.
I hope you get moved without too much bother Janburry.

cornergran Fri 26-Feb-21 22:28:25

Good luck janburty, I hope you get a definite date soon. We live in a bungalow. Definitely worth it. Hang on in there.

cornergran Fri 26-Feb-21 22:29:43

Apologies. janburry, fat finger syndrome here.

Hetty58 Fri 26-Feb-21 22:36:58

Janburry, I think that you can start packing. Pack (and label) anything that's not essential or in regular use. You'll be surprised just how much there is! When you pack the rest, it will be so much easier.

Hetty58 Fri 26-Feb-21 22:41:08

flump, my friend's son bought a bungalow and 'developed' it, mainly by converting the roof. His profit? A big, fat zero!

Bungalows in this area have a premium price, due to rarity and high demand. He converted it into a house - not very clever!

lmfielden Sat 27-Feb-21 10:35:42

Am I being stupid, what does DH stand for????😜😜😜

timetogo2016 Sat 27-Feb-21 10:41:35

Darling Husband Imfielden.
Go to acronyms at the top of the page for more info.

Shreddie Sat 27-Feb-21 10:46:22

Imfielden think DH means dear husband. DD is dear daughter etc. If not, I have been reading all the messages wrong!

timetogo2016 Sat 27-Feb-21 10:49:09

Do just a little packing of items you rarely use Janburry.
It`s amazing how much we have in our cupboards that we hardly use at all,and that includes whats in the loft.
Good luck with the move,and i hope it`s sooner rather than later.

WhiteRabbit57 Sat 27-Feb-21 10:56:22

We downsized last year in the lockdown with no tip or charity shops open! It was a mammoth task involving a house, studio and double garage. I was dreading everything about it but, with a lot of planning, we got through it and are now happily living in our new, smaller house with a garden a quarter of the size.

These are my top tips

1) Start early. I did a cupboard/drawer a day.

2) Be ruthless. Ask yourself 'have I used this item in the last year? Do I love it so much I can't live with out it?'

3) Use facebook 'for sale' pages, people come and take stuff away and usually within the hour!

4) Remember the removal men will do more than you expect them to, for example, they can put items together for you at both ends.

Good luck

JaneR185 Sat 27-Feb-21 10:57:17

Have you tried writing to the council or the corporation who will be providing the bungalow? You could ask them how long it will take. You could ask your doctor for a letter to send with it. Maintaining contact with the providers will keep you in their minds. A weekly phone call asking if there's any news might also help. My parents had a lovely little garden with their council bungalow so you may be fortunate. Sorry if I'm teaching you to suck eggs and good luck!

Gwenisgreat1 Sat 27-Feb-21 10:57:34

Good Luck Janburry we moved to a bungalow 5 years ago main snag it has a steep drive to the house!! Beware!

grandtanteJE65 Sat 27-Feb-21 10:57:41

It is wearing, Janberry, having to wait for others to act before you can.

It sounds as if you have done all you can at present, but perhaps you should mentally review the things you intend to keep to see if there is more that should be discarded or given away.

To my mind it is easier to get rid of things when packing rather then when trying to get your new home ship-shape.

If you enjoy gardening, I think I would cncentrate on making the garden tidy for the next owner - I am sure they will appreciate your efforts.

Certainly, start packing things like Christmas decorations now, if that is you have room for filled boxes. I would pack my summer clothes too in clearly marked boxes so you know where they are.

Otherwise try to relax and treat this time as a rest from work. You will have plenty to do when you get round to moving.