AIBU - Friend borrowing car

Amazonia, not necessarily, a lot a insurance companies have stopped this unless it is a courtesy car

I agree with others, no lying or false explanations just ‘sorry, can’t help you this time’ and quickly move onto something else (even gosh I’ve just remembered I need to phone the dentist, it gets you out of there!). This will never stop from here side, it’s a free car that you have always said yes to. It will have to start with you as uncomfortable as that is.

You could say "We have negotiated a new deal on our car insurance, as we are trying to reign in our spending a bit, We have got a better deal but it is linked to the mileage used and the number of named drivers. I'm really sorry but we won't be able to loan out the car in future, I do hope you understand. We have been pleased that we could help you in the past."

A number of people are into car sharing nowadays, so why not suggest it to her? Say that she is welcome to use it if she pays half the insurance, tax, MOT, repairs etc. And, yes, do check the insurance position because you also are required not to allow an uninsured driver to drive your car.
Seems this is really a problem between your friend and her husband - he refuses to pay for two cars but your friend needs one to go out and about. Unless they genuinely have real money problems, I don’t see that it should be for you and your husband to subside their household. What would they feel like if you walked in and ‘borrowed’ their washing machine twice a week for a large wash and dry? He’d soon be mentioning the electricity costs!

Lemsip, that’s just plain nasty

She must be added to your insurance policy as Grannynannywanny says. She needs to pay for this, plus petrol, plus a contribution towards tax, wear and tear, etc. If you’re not happy with that, then just tell her that - as it’s your son’s car - he is not happy that anyone outside the family drives it. She’s got a cheek, and your husband is too soft!

I would NEVER dream of either asking to borrow someone elses' car, OR ever loaning mine (when I had one) to anyone ....yes, sometimes it is difficult without one (I cannot buy one since I recently moved back to the UK from Europe, and my only licence is French (having given up my UK one when I moved 21 years ago)...and it is only valid in the UK until I turned 70 (now 73 and simply cannot be bothered to take a test,,,and anyway I would be dangerous not knowing all the new rules of the road but I chose to live near a Metro, two bus stops and taxis are plentiful and not expensive. I take a taxi if I need to go anywhere after dark (and anyway I see the government is suggesting over 70's do not drive in the dark as they are a menace (more so than youngsters ??) and once a month for my fill up of heavy shopping ! JUST SAY NO.....or cheekily say you have been asked by another friend who has offered to pay and pay her own Insurance (hopefully the friend that borrows it now has Insurance in her own right or it could be you are breaking the Ins co;s requirements in lending it ....tell her she may not be insured ...... good luck

Having a spare car is an expensive luxury, any car that is roadworthy is worth £500 and might be worth more, older cars are expensive to tax at £200+ and insurance is another few hundred plus any maintenance, £1000 in your pocket would be more important to most of us.
Insurance companies will use any excuse to wriggle out of a claim and adding a driver isn’t cheap. Please don’t allow drivers that are not agreed to drive your car, it’s illegal.
Incidentally insurance companies aren’t all bad, when OH insured his car last time, adding me as a second driver actually reduced the premium by £100.

Park it in a quiet road nearby but out of sight when she visits. You are doing her and your friendship a favour, if she has a prang in it it will bring a whole new angle of difficulty to your friendship.

Cheeky madam using your car. I would tell her she needs to get her own insurance for it, it's not a lie, she needs insurance to drive it or even better tell her the tax is up on it so can't be driven on public roads and it can't be taxed cos it failed MOT.

If its a spare car do you really need it. Tell your son its in the way and to sell it, offer her to buy it. If she has a bump in the car who will pay for it. She's got a cheek. If she is using the car then it is obvious they need to buy another or she should use her legs and public services. Insurance is a worry. Xxx

If she is a good friend and you are not using the car I do not see what the problem is. You would be paying the tax and insurance anyway, it is an old car with faults so excess mileage is not really an issue.

I am happy to help out good friends.

Time for both of you to be assertive and learn to say No. Difficult at first but gets easier. Don't wait until the next time she asks, but tell her soon that you are concerned about insurance and also about the intermittant fault. What if the car broke down or she was involved in an accident? You might be breaking the law by simply allowing her to drive your car. That woman has more front than Brighton, as my mother used to say! Good luck.

You should be really worried about her insurance. She cannot insure herself for your car, only to drive another person's car for 3rd party which means that any damage she does to your car will be uninsured. Just imagine if she killed someone in an accident, and wrote your car off. You would then have no car as I am sure she cannot afford to buy you a new one.

Also she is going to work in it and using mileage. You should check your insurance and what it says. You can always ring them up and discuss this with your insurance.

My insurance had emailed me that they will charge me less if I have done fewer miles.

Get your head round this and then you will be armed with the information to say no.

The conversational format you may find useful to use is the assertiveness technique known as 'broken record' where you say to her

Oh I am so sorry your husband will not buy a second car. It must be awkward for you but my insurance have advised that I am not able to lend you mine as it breaches my contract with them.

Yes I know it is difficult for you but my insurance have advised that I am not able to lend you mine as it breaches my contract with them.

You acknowledge her problem but you state in the same language time after time your refrain viz

my insurance have advised that I am not able to lend you mine as it breaches my contract with them.

You will be doing her a good turn as her husband will eventually agree to buy another car.

Ar the very least you should check the insurance situation.

And if you don't need to use it then getting it Sorned seems sensible and will put an end to the requests.

Otherwise tell your husband to say no

If it really is Surya to requirements offer to sell it to her cheaply and get rid.
If you have a reason to keep it tell her that you can't afford the upkeep on it as it's just "spare" and that it's now undrivable because you have SORN it - so it is no longer taxed or insured.

It is so awkward that you cannot just state the truth isn't it.

I would check her insurance policy as you're no longer allowed to drive anyone else's car and I'd let the tax run out. Sell it or Sorn it

,unless she is a named driver or you have any driver on your policy then she will not be covered.*

Its actually not so easy to get "any driver" on a policy now, more and more insurers only alllw names drivers.

I actually have any driver on mine for reasons and use a broker to find somewhere for me.

I’d tell her the tax has expired and you’re not renewing it.

You do realise @pinkcosmos that if she gets caught driving without insurance the owner of the car is liable too? Fine and points on license. She may believe she is covered because she has fully comp insurance but that is often not the case anymore. You are actually committing a crime - or the car’s owner is. Why not just tell her your son has asked you to stop lending out his car?

This takes me back to the 1980's. We splashed out on a sports car. My friend's younger brother (18) asked if he borrow it to take his new girlfriend out. I could not believe his cheek. We said our insurance wouldn't cover him. Fortunately the girl didn't mind as they are married now.

Tactful honesty is probably the best policy. You absolutely must get insurance sorted. If you let her drive it uninsured, you might be liable if she damages someone else's car, on top of any damage to your son's car. If you want to keep the car for occasional use, you could suggest halving all costs with her for a trial period ( but she pays for petrol she uses) maybe. If she's using it far more than you during that time, ask if she wants to buy it or get a SORN and leave it off road . It's not realistic for you to subsidise her by paying tax, insurance and maintenance for a car you seldom/never use and she uses often. If you never use it, it's just deteriorating and depreciating so it's better to sell it. You could hire a car if you need to on the odd occasion and it would probably be cheaper.

See if they want to buy it off you, if not do as others have said sell it, before she has an accident with it, then there just might be a falling out.

I would nip it in the bud as soon as possible and here’s why: I was left with my dad’s car after he died. Before I could sort out selling it, my friend totaled her car in an accident so I lent her the car. Months went on and she did nothing to replace her car; she doesn’t make a lot of money but I’m sure she was reimbursed in some fashion by her car insurance company. I continued to pay tax and insurance on that car (including putting her on as a driver which cost more since she’d been ticketed once for driving while on her cell phone.) At one point, someone rear ended her and of course I received the insurance reimbursement for that accident. I finally told her she had to take ownership of the car completely and she did - but she still got the car for free. Then she had the nerve to ask me for the reimbursement check from the accident and I refused and told her that money had gone to the insurance and tax for the car for the year that she drove it while I was still the owner. Again, she was in more difficult financial circumstances than I was at the time and it was an act of friendship and kindness. However, an ex boyfriend just left her $100,000 in his will. Do you think she’d remember that I literally gave her a car for free when I could have sold it for about $10,000. Some people just see themselves as needy and deserving and will take what others will, sometimes foolishly, give them. Saying “thank you” over and over is appreciated, of course, but it still smarts!