Neighbours constantly asking for things

A message to poshpaws - What is CF please?

cheneslieges132

A message to poshpaws - What is CF please?

Cheeky Fucker!

totally unacceptable my younger son whos just brought his first house had a skip as it need renovation and his new neighbour asked if he could pay half towards it as he had a few kids bikes that he had never got round to selling they are very nice people and thats how it should be some very good answers on here

the neighbour who lifts up the fence panel - could you find a way of holding it secure, but enabling the necessary movement that you need with a fence panel. Nort sure what it is but there must be some way . Maybe a couple of eyes and zip ties on the bottom that prevent someone from removing it, but it could retain the movement and be easily removable
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They are Mickey takers. I agree you don’t change because you get older. We have lived in our house for 48 years, During that time we have helped neighbours as they got older and shopped for them, helped by sorting bins out for them on a weekly basis and generally being on hand. My dh used to go in next door and clean the house. He was in there when he suddenly died and an ambulance and his children had to be called. That does not mean that we expect anyone to do anything for us as I am a couple of weeks away from 80 and my dh is two years older. In fact it is the opposite as we still help our new neighbours in any small way that we can. As for using their skip unless we are invited to do that is unbelievable. I am saying all this to tell you that you definitely do not change because of old age.

What are CF's?

I agree with 11unicorn. Be kind, one day you may need help from a neighbour.

We have a neighbour who has older children. Many many alcohol laden garden parties! Never a “were having a party”
When they occasionally come to our door they peer in our front window.
Only the type of neighbours who take.

I agree with unicorn and kitty - be kind. Just give them boundaries and do so gently.

Well put llunicorn

They often do their gardening naked

Oopsadaisy1

Sometimes you find that elderly neighbours will zoom in on a younger couple who they will ask to do things so that ‘ they don’t have to bother their own children’ the ‘children’ are happy because they know that if there is a problem the neighbour will help to sort it out.
As your neighbours get older you could find yourself in a similar situation to another poster on a similar thread.
Say no now, be friendly but set your boundaries before they get worse.

We had this problem with two friends. They had three adult children whom they could have asked to help with things but they said they didn't want to ask them because they were "too busy". We had four children and both had very full time jobs, my husband working away all week.
It was very difficult to tell them why we were no longer always able to help them, but we just backed off and were unavailable. It was a shame because they were good friends but just too demanding.

the husband makes a point of telling me “Oh, I bet you have seen bigger ones than mine”

YANBU but sadly you are living next door to takers, I wonder if they actually realise they are being unreasonable themselves,maybe previous next door neighbours were different to you and shared different bits and pieces, I think I would be like yourselves helping them as much as I could but there would be a limit as I wouldn’t be taken advantage of I’d be nipping it in the bud early on

Yes - that's pretty horrific isn't it Calendargirl? My cousin had a neighbour who would garden nude, in the evening, but although she ignored him he then started to come to the kitchen door and lean aginst it talking to her while she was trying to prepare dinner. We thought this was pretty creepy, and the next time he did it her husband, who had come home from work early for the purpose, gave him some 'useful' advice.

Oh Lord, give some people an inch and they'll take a mile ! How awful to have to put up with that, then help themselves to your garden too !
Perhaps that's why the others moved ?
Maybe next time they're mowing their lawn you could ask them to leave the mower out so that you can do yours.

You either play them at their own game, until they latch on, or call a halt altogether. Cheeky beggars. I couldn't be doing with people like that. I wouldn't be very nice with them I can tell you.

This type of behaviour makes me REALLY CROSS ! I have had neighbours and the neighbours’ families who try this sort of thing and even DEMANDED favours. “Grandma says I can use your garden .” “We always used to put our rubbish in your bin.” Tell them it’s not on or they’ll get worse.

I recently posted a neighbour issue in Ask a Gran and received great advice which gave me the courage to step back and set some boundaries.

I was quite horrified reading the OP as it is very cheeky to ask for things and how much etc. They sound like they make you feel uncomfortable and somewhat annoyed? If that's the case, they're overstepping a line, but may not be aware so the only way to stop it is by changing your replies or telling them straight. I personally would change my reply. My Mom always says she'll speak to hubby - say whatever gives you a bit of space if you can't say no. ? But I dare you to try! It honestly offends less than we think and I like to use silence: I'm afraid bit, no. Then silence. Very powerful.

On a lighter note, I recalled Mrs Doyle on Fr Ted, who said no: "It's a lovely word Our Lord gave us here on earth for when we don't want any cake!"

I meant: "I'm afraid not, no." Then silence.

(Fat fingers!!!!!)

Fairly common problems - we put up a fence to stop neighbours getting into the garden over a wall - expensive but worth it. You have to be a bit thick skinned - they are playing the elderly helpless card a bit thick. Take advice = say no ( not sorry though = and that you have only got enough materials for your needs and any spare will be needed in the future. They should not come through a gate into your garden if you feel this is an invasion of your privacy = get a padlock - if they can walk in so could others. You need to up your security. Good luck

Fence panel security brackets are useful too. ☺️

I remember my mum running herself ragged, looking after her elderly neighbour, though she was also elderly. She did her shopping, collected her pension, cared for her when she was ill, and often made herself ill, too, with stress.
The neighbour had several nephews and nieces who rarely visited. When she died, rather suddenly, they descended on the house almost before she was cold, stripping it bare. One knocked on mum’s door. Not to thank her for all her help, or offer her a momento, but to ask if mum had any of her neighbour’s pension money! She was really distressed at their cheek.
I have had mostly the same neighbours for 50+ years. We keep a friendly distance, knowing that anyone will help, in an emergency, and enjoying a chat if we meet. We rarely enter each others’ houses.
It’s sad that you are feeling so put-upon, nellgwynne, and hope that the helpful suggestions on here will teach your demanding neighbours to respect your boundaries.

Don't look at them, don't give them any attention.

Interestingly, I have just received an email from a cousin in the USA, who has allowed herself to become embroiled in a difficult situation. She was very kind and helpful to an elderly neighbour, and it snowballed. She ended up being persuaded to take on being Power of Attorney for the woman, who is now in a nursing home. My cousin has now had to take on responsibility for winding up the lady's estate - no mean task - and she's wishing that she'd never become involved. A warning to us all.

I would do a lot for people. I think neighbourliness is a lovely thing.
I agree that they've perhaps taken it a little far. But, hey, if you're not using the slabs, does it really matter?
We're having a skip soon for some work and have offered our neighbours some space in it.
I was a bit surprised the other day when I got a text from my husband at work, to say could I pick up some ingredients for them on the way home (I wasn't even going shopping)!
I replied that I didn't have my purse with me because, whilst I am kind, I am not a mug.
Decide what you will do in the name of neighbourliness but also, if you don't want to do something, there's always a way out (even if it involves a little fib).
Good luck!