Stroppy Teenager or is it me?

Im thinking that some of those whom are condoning the 17 year old tripping off out alone in a storm in the dark in a strange(ish) place are maybe the 'infiltrators' we get from mumsnet?......

What another generation did in another era is irrelevant.
It is up to parents to educate their children in the course of their growing up about risk and responsibility not grandparents.
Teenagers test boundaries just the same as all children.
But I will say it again..
Your house = your rules.

As soon as I was a mother with young children I lost the courage to go on roller coasters etc - probably because of a sense of responsibility for the young.
I definitely feel a different sense of responsibility for grandchildren because I am in charge of someone else’s children- so am more protective in a way - perfectly natural. Explain that to her - she should understand- tell her parents too - just in case she doesn’t see it! ??

Encourage her to go out in the daylight so she gets to know the area, where she could get into trouble etc.
And where there is mobile phone signal. She will be an adult soon enough and you won't be able to stop her. Talk to her about your concerns....it always helps them to know where you are coming from & why you said what you did

In the 1930s my big brother taught me how to break the grip of a man grasping my wrists.

I imagine that like all teenagers this girl has a mobile phone and knows how to phone for help.

Once she is 18 you cannot legally stop her doing whatever she wants, whenever she wants to.

For the sake of your future relationship, apologise. Say you over-reacted thinking of some of the people you would not care to meet at night when you were on your own.

Are the really so dangerous? I find that hard to believe if you are living in a village.

Have I misunderstood? Is Village with a capital V part of a dangerous town?

Admittedly, we are all scared sick at the thought that a young girl could be attacked and raped. Our mothers must have been too when we were young.

I had lived away from home for over a year when I was your granddaughter's age and had to go out and about on my own.

Whether that was safer in 1971 is really beside the point, as rape is still the same dreadful experience, but we cannot wrap the young up in cotton-wool, even if we would like to.

I also thought she might have started smoking. I used to do this and think nobody knew.
I agree with you about the safety, especially if it's not what she's used to, and it would be dark, or very soon.
Maybe have a chat with her about the cars at speed, which areas have signal and who to avoid.

I agree @geekesse, it’s the first thing I thought of.
Not wanting gran around.
Sudden urge to go for a walk
Big strop in the bedroom

The reason I thought this? My son did it at 15....and so did I.
Hope you are ok. It is a tricky situation, she is almost adult, but entrusted in your care. As you say the traffic is very busy, and post thunderstorm in open fields, I can understand your reasons.

Surely at the age of 17 she knows about cars. I would think someone telling me about cars at the age of 17 was bonkers.

You could be talking about our villlage except we have more pubs. The playing field area is in an isolated spot up a dirt track, where the ‘ne’re do wells’ hang out in the evening, so I wouldn’t have let her go either. The rest of the village is ok, day or night.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I assume that other adults go out at 9 pm where you live. Is it a high crime area?

I understand that you are worried but we do worry more as we get older.

At 17 I think she should have been allowed out on her own, but with a few warning words that life where you live is not like her country life.

I think she probably was calling a mate or BF and didn’t want to risk being heard. At her age I’d have been sneaking out for a fag! Nowadays it’ll be a vape!

You should have probably tried to explain your concerns to her she may have understood? Might be worth apologising to her and suggest you both go for walk together.

Good luck ?

It is honestly appalling and disgusting to restrict a woman's actions for fear of rape/violence.

Very mysoginistic. It is time that men go through the same restrictions as women and taught true consequences for their actions

What if it had been a GS, could he have gone out?

I wouldn’t have let her, and lived with the grumps. My teenage GD goes up to London without her parents, but with a friend or in a group.
I would be really curious to know why she wanted to go out in the dark in a thunderstorm?

"It doesn’t bode well for future visits does it".

What future visits would that be? I doubt she'll stay again.

I'm not saying you were wrong, Oopsadaisy, it was a dilemma and you did what you thought right. My own daughter (lives away) does things that I worry about but they don't bother her. I say nothing . It's awful to live life in fear of what might happen.

I think you were quite right to want to go with her . I live in a lovely quiet area but if either of my daughters had wanted to go for a walk around here, at 17 or up to them leaving home in their 20s AT NIGHT, I would have gone with them. An ex pupil of mine was found dead , just yards from her home. She was walking home at night in s lonely area. Her killer was never found. It happens. Well done for taking the ‘unpopular ‘ line to keep your GD safe.

At 17 she's only a year off (possibly) of going away to university.
I do understand your worry but I think I'd have let her go.

The thing is - the first time people do things - whatever they are - is the first time, whether they do them at 12, 17 or 21.

Waiting until someone is older before allowing freedoms won't make them better able to cope with them. Only experience will do that, and denying them the chance to get experience is not helping them. It might help their caregivers by cutting down on worry for them, but it won't help a 17 year old to confine her to her grandparents' house after 9.00pm, particularly in a village, rather than a city centre.

Teenage strops are not edifying, but what other way do they have of expressing their frustration? It sounds as though your grand-daughter has very little control over her choices for a 17 year old girl, so maybe cut her a bit of slack?

I might be being over suspicious but it looks to me as if she might have met someone over the Internet and arranged to meet them. I certainly wouldn’t have let her go out on her own in an unknown place despite much stomping or door slamming.

Hithere

It is honestly appalling and disgusting to restrict a woman's actions for fear of rape/violence.

Very mysoginistic. It is time that men go through the same restrictions as women and taught true consequences for their actions

What if it had been a GS, could he have gone out?

Appalling and disgusting to take sensible measures to keep yourself safe? If we lived in a perfect world all men would be decent chaps and women could do as they like. But as we know that is far from true. What do you want to do, keep all men indoors after 6pm because some of them are rapists and murderers?
It has never been sensible or safe for young women to wander around lonely areas on their own at night, and it never will be.

Chestnut
Yes, men stay indoor at night while women get out.

That would work great, I mean it.

Hithere

Chestnut
Yes, men stay indoor at night while women get out.

That would work great, I mean it.

So the majority of men who are not murderers or rapists have to be punished and confined because of the few that are? My goodness, you must really hate men! ?

At what age do you begin to allow them to go out alone in the evening? You could equip all teenage girls (or older) with rape alarms, make sure you can track their phones . Whatever precautions you feel you need to take, there must come a point at which you will allow - even encourage - independent movement. If you don't give it, they will take it.