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Stroppy Teenager or is it me?

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Oopsadaisy1 Thu 03-Jun-21 16:57:25

Last night the rain and thunder had passed, but it was quite gloomy at 9pm, GS is reading his book , GD suddenly says that she wants to go out for a walk, I said that either I or DH would get our shoes on and come with her, but she said No she wanted to go on her own.
She is 17
She lives in the West Country and hasn’t been here for over a year and apart from us doesn’t know anyone.
She doesn’t know who to stay away from in the Village ( of some 100 homes, plus a conference centre and a Pub) and ther are a couple of people that even I avoid.
The Playing field where she said she wanted to go is surrounded by trees and woodland and is quite isolated.
I know that she often meets her friends in her local town, but here she doesn’t know anyone and nobody would know who she is as she has changed beyond all recognition from the cute little girl to a tall willowy young lady.
We have no pavements and the cars shoot through at speed.
Mobile phone signal is patchy and only available in certain parts of the Village which she wouldn’t know about.
So I said sorry but I wasn’t comfortable with it and she couldn’t go

She slams out of the sitting room and stomps around in her room for an hour or so.

Was I being so unreasonable? She is scared of the thunder and I can’t understand why she had the sudden urge to go out on her own.

Maybe I should have let her go and followed her jumping from hedge to hedge behind her from a distance?

Goodness, gone are the days when she did as she was told..........

If we had been out shopping I wouldn’t have thought twice about her going round the shops on her own.

It doesn’t bode well for future visits does it.

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DiscoDancer1975 Sun 06-Jun-21 20:26:29

I wouldn’t have been happy either. She’s my responsibility whilst in my home. What she does at home is completely different, familiar territory.
It’s not just about other people, she could have had an accident or just got lost. Anything. You did right Ooops

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welbeck Mon 07-Jun-21 00:41:37

it is complete nonsense though for someone to say that if anything happened to her you OP could face a hefty fine or prison.
that is makes no sense.
a person aged 16 may go to live where they like.
so i'm sure they can choose whether to stay in or out.
and it's nobody's fault if anything amiss happens except the perp.
anyway, OP glad it all sorted out Ok.
i can understand your feelings.
just don't like the law being misrepresented.

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freedomfromthepast Mon 07-Jun-21 03:50:43

I have a 17 year old. We live in a large city in the US, so that will make a difference in my opinion.

Based on what you described, if my daughter had wanted to go in the dark in an unfamiliar wooded area, I would have said no. I would have also explained to her why and offered to discuss a compromise. Something like:

I know I am not your parent, but I am responsible for your safety while you are here. I am uncomfortable you being out alone at night in a less populated area you are unfamiliar with. How about you go out about in town where there are more people?

Unless, of course, it is just not safe. Then it is a "no, it is not safe" while thinking "you will thank me someday when you have kids.

I find the best way to keep a teenager not stroppy is to talk to them like the adults they almost are. Though, as we all know, sometimes teens just WANT to be stroppy and nothing you say/do will matter.

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Doodledog Mon 07-Jun-21 08:36:22

grandmac

Oopsadaisy I think you were quite right. How many times have we said of some poor assaulted girl " why was she out on her own" and "where were her parents" etc. Your house your rules.

I would never say (or even think) that a 17 year old who was assaulted was in any way to blame for the act of someone else. 9.00 pm is not late at night, and I wouldn’t blame her parents either.

Oopsadaisy has updated though, and all’s well that ends well ?

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