Second Opinions - Saying NO to Quarentine in Our House with Our Baby

You are definitely not being unreasonable. Explain that having a new baby means your wife will need lots of rest and an extra 4 people in a 2 bedroom house will make rest impossible. You would like to see them when allowed under current government guidelines so will give them the names of a couple of hotels or Airbnb places.

The length of time this has been on here, and knowing that it was posted and discussed on Mumsnet first makes me wonder if the visitors are already here and busy 'isolating' under your roof.
If this is the case I feel sorry for your poor wife.

Hi All
Thank you for your comments and support.
They were wanting to visit mid-June when baby is just under 2 months. We've said we are happy for the grandparents to stay once no quarantine is required but we can't have more than 2 people at one time and no longer than a week. I know they won't be happy, understand they're sad they can't come but they need to compromise and be fair on us.

Even with those conditions I'd still ask them to actually sleep at a hotel rather than trying to accommodate them in a small house.
When we visit my daughter and her family for a weekend we stay at a Premier Inn in her town. It gives us our own space and bathroom.
Very civilised and we're not all on top of each other.
A week would be a long time. Just a thought for you...

V3ra

Even with those conditions I'd still ask them to actually sleep at a hotel rather than trying to accommodate them in a small house.
When we visit my daughter and her family for a weekend we stay at a Premier Inn in her town. It gives us our own space and bathroom.
Very civilised and we're not all on top of each other.
A week would be a long time. Just a thought for you...

I absolutely agree with this....if you are anything like me, you will want time alone at the end of each day to wind down after the visitors leave and to gird your loins for the next day. If there are going to need to be limitations put on your visitors' behaviour in your home (and there might not be....just saying....sometimes family members can be well lets say over enthusiastic in their advice and behaviour) then quiet evenings will give you time to discuss this and maintain your unified front.

I respect my son / daughter in laws decision with visiting the grandchildren even in normal times .I speak to lots of new grandparents that haven't met the new editions and are waiting patiently as to not put anyone at risk .I think it's a cheek to be perfectly honest to think they can quarantine at your house .

So the saga has escalated and we've been blocked, hung up the phone to me and my baby on zoom. I should probably forward all the responses on this thread!

Sorry to hear that but it is entirely their fault, not yours.
If you were to give in on this, even if it turns out to be bearable and no-one gets ill, you'd be in for more bullying in future.

Jolly good. That’s solved the problem then. Unless they just turn up on the doorstep ?

Now you can spend the next few moths enjoying being a family, without having to worry about them.

You can get back in touch when all the restrictions are lifted and invite them as and when it suits you ?

SunshineDad21

So the saga has escalated and we've been blocked, hung up the phone to me and my baby on zoom. I should probably forward all the responses on this thread!

Well that’s their loss then, at least you will all be safe x

They will be back when they realize you do not chase them offering a visit/quarantine in your home.

This is not over

why would you want them in your house.
they sound horrid.
time to shake off the parental shackles.
you and your wife are king and queen in your own home now, and your family is your kingdom, where the weak must be protected, ie your baby.
you've got everybody you need right there already.
don't let anything or anyone disrupt that.

Oh dear me! I think they've cut off their noses to spite their faces with this overreaction ?
It's a shame, and completely unnecessary.
I hope you and your wife are not too upset at how things have turned out.
This will pass I'm sure.

I don't think I could handle people like that around for a week.

SunshineDad21

So the saga has escalated and we've been blocked, hung up the phone to me and my baby on zoom. I should probably forward all the responses on this thread!

So sorry to hear that. Please understand that by being firm with them you have done the right thing to protect your own little family.
Well done.

They are being stupid. The only ones they are harming are themselves. I hope they come round -Do they want their grandchild growing up knowing how unreasonable they are when Daddy was just protecting her and mummy?

It is hard SunshineDad21 but don’t let them wipe what I sense is a happy smile off your face.

Thanks, it is just infuriating, we are going to stop trying to call. My wife has said she doesn't want our child being hung up on and thinking these outbursts are acceptable (even if the baby currently doesn't understand!). It is just one parent I don't know why the other carries on letting them behave this way.
My wife is more irritated than me. We have been accused of causing a family rift when clearly to any normal person we haven't.

SunshineDad21

Thanks, it is just infuriating, we are going to stop trying to call. My wife has said she doesn't want our child being hung up on and thinking these outbursts are acceptable (even if the baby currently doesn't understand!). It is just one parent I don't know why the other carries on letting them behave this way.
My wife is more irritated than me. We have been accused of causing a family rift when clearly to any normal person we haven't.

Well there you have it in your last sentence, they aren’t behaving like normal people are they?

Stick to your guns, you are doing what is right for your family.

This is exactly the kind of thing that leads to estrangement. Don’t make any more allowances for them. Sit back and enjoy your new baby. You won’t get this time back, but there’ll be plenty of opportunity in the future for better relationships with your family, should they choose to take them and start treating you with respect.
Don’t put up with it a minute longer.

I would try to text or even email, the reasonable parent to let them know what is happening. I would let them know that under the circumstances, you have decided to take a temporary break from making zoom and telephone calls. For now let them know you would welcome text messages from them both.

If they can accept your decision about the situation and feel able to talk to you sensibly, if they can demonstrate an understanding of your viewpoint, you would be happy to consider reinstating the calls.

I think you have been exceptional by the way, in that you have not revealed in your posts to us which parent is causing you all the grief.

Sunshine Dad, I think you have been so reasonable and patient with these unreasonable people. My DD has a large house 250 miles from us, yet we always stay at a premier inn, suits us all to have our own space - I can't believe that these people think what they are demanding is reasonable in any way. I too echo Magic Wand's sensible suggestion, then leave it alone and enjoy these early weeks of your baby's life - they go so quickly

You're not being unreasonable, they are! Parents are supposed to want the best for their kids, you want the best for yours and people quarantining is not the best.

The other parent “allows” it (not really) for an easier life. They are likely an enabler, who try to get you inside by pretending to be reasonable.

Watch out, the enabler can be even nastier than the “problem”

So sorry you were hung up on. It's simply not acceptable for your parents to act in this entitled way and make horrible atmospheres that upset the parents of their new baby grandchild. They sound really selfish and the behaviour sounds like they are projecting.

I would give up trying to contact them and just make memories together during this precious time.

i think you are giving your parents too much leeway.
be careful that your wife does not get irritated with you, too.
your emotional energy should not be diverted into this nonsense, esp at such a precious time in your family life.
your wife and child are your primary family now.
they are your responsibility, to protect and enhance their lives, not those idiots.
if you don't assert this now, you may be introducing a fissure into your marriage, that will row over time, until it splits.