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Second Opinions - Saying NO to Quarentine in Our House with Our Baby

(179 Posts)
SunshineDad21 Mon 07-Jun-21 19:45:20

Hi All
Have already posted in Mumsnet but thought it would be worth getting views of the Grandparents of the Internet...
Are me and my wife being unreasonable that we don't want visitors quarentining in our house with our newborn? We have a small house, and they wouldn't be able to leave at all for the 10 day period.
They are now being incredibly spiteful and sulking. Not only is space an issue (an extra 4 people in our home), they aren't even acknowledging the potential risk of illness to us and our newborn baby. They are spoiling a time that should be special and happy because we have said no and asked to compromise on the visit happening when quarentine is no longer required. They are being completely unreasonable because they've not got their own way and now we just feel like we have to hide what we are doing as a family just to avoid the abusive/bullying/emotionally manipulative behaviour.
My wife is understandably upset at whats happened. Now we dread the visit at all if this is how it is going to be, which makes us both really sad as we did want to see these people when ready and able to

MaggsMcG Tue 08-Jun-21 15:33:25

Jo1960 you made me laugh out loud with your answer.
SunshineDad No way. Absolutely not. Tell them to wait until its safe and even then 4 extra adults in a 2 bedroom house I wouldn't want that for more than two nights even outside of covid.

DiscoDancer1975 Tue 08-Jun-21 15:42:16

I’d be saying NO quite a lot from now on to be honest. They’ve shown they have absolutely no care or regard for you in any way whatsoever. The next thing, they’ll be on gransnet unable to understand why they’ve been estranged!
Sorry if you’ve said already said, by any chance are they your parents?

georgia101 Tue 08-Jun-21 15:45:32

Say no. They sound pretty selfish and horrible to me so be glad not to have them stay with you.

Kryptonite Tue 08-Jun-21 15:47:31

They are being selfish to even ask this. Say no and don't feel guilty, just relief that they are not coming in your house. I thought there were special 'hotels' for quarantining.

Toadinthehole Tue 08-Jun-21 15:50:00

I wouldn’t have had them to stay in normal circumstances, if we all got on really well, with a new born. This is your time, covid or not. People never fail to amaze me with their expectations of others.
Congratulations and enjoy. Do not have them at all. It could all lead to problems and resentment further down the line, and then they wouldn’t see you at all. I know, it happened to us.

janex Tue 08-Jun-21 16:02:54

No!!

Ann29 Tue 08-Jun-21 16:13:20

No you are not being unreasonable.
It's your house and your family so it's your rules. Lovely to hear you are being supportive to your wife.

Sooze58 Tue 08-Jun-21 16:15:09

YANBU I’m pretty sure the idea of quarantine is that you stay away from other people - otherwise what’s the point of quarantining!

GrauntyHelen Tue 08-Jun-21 16:21:50

YANBU they ARE

JaneR185 Tue 08-Jun-21 16:24:56

Personally I would be inclined to say, you have upset us so much with your unreasonable attitude I am seriously considering whether it is in our best interests to meet at all once the quarantine is over.

Summerlove Tue 08-Jun-21 16:29:32

SunshineDad21

Thanks all, it is helpful for me as I've been stuck with the guilt tripping (it's my family). My wife has been upset that we are getting such bad treatment / attitude now, but quite rightly is pretty shocked they even expected it.
We only have a 2 bedroom house... so even without quarantine you can imagine how much of a squeeze it will be.

Good for you standing up to your family.

How ridiculously entitled they are acting!!

If a falling out occurs, no matter what they say, it’s not your fault.

lemsip Tue 08-Jun-21 17:28:09

SunshineDad you have done the right thing.well done

Namsnanny Tue 08-Jun-21 17:33:13

1s this a first for GN?
All answers I'm 100% agreement!?

Namsnanny Tue 08-Jun-21 17:42:34

I'm = in

sarie123 Tue 08-Jun-21 17:46:13

It's a no you are not from me! My son and daughter in law have a 2yr old and a new born, they said no visitors for 2weeks and even now only outside visits, until they are comfortable with people going x

ALANaV Tue 08-Jun-21 19:08:26

Definitely NOT ....let them sulk and tell them outright they are being selfish and unreasonable !

BlackSheep46 Tue 08-Jun-21 19:31:26

Absolutely not !! Far too much of a squeeze and far too long and way out of line even to invite themselves to stay with you !! Your first loyalty has to be to your wife, the mother of our baby right now. Her hormones will be all over the place and her maternal anxiety will be off the radar. Look after the 3 of you !! By all means help your 'guests' to source quarantine accommodation where you could visit them when allowed and when it suits you and yours. Help them by pointing them in the right direction. Help the 3 of you by saying sorry but NO NO NO !!

Coco51 Tue 08-Jun-21 19:58:50

I’d cancel altogether if I were you. What are they thinking about? Quaratine means just that you don’t go visiting to quarantine in someone else’s house.

Morag65 Tue 08-Jun-21 20:36:41

Sounds like this is grand parents. Try saying we are excited for you to come. But its against the law. Cant wait for to see our precious baby. We need to stick to the rules.

If you've tried that just say, No we hope you understand our reasons. We will look forward to seeing you when this is done. We must put our babies health and safty first. Keep repeating if necessarysmile ?

Cossy Tue 08-Jun-21 20:48:20

Nope ! Under no circumstances are you being unreasonable !

They are being extremely unreasonable !

I completely understand their excitement (why four people though?)

Take lots of photos and videos and FaceTime/video call with them.

No way should they be arriving lock stock and barrel in your house for 10 days with a brand new baby at any time !!! Good luck and congrats on your new little one x

Saetana Tue 08-Jun-21 21:07:09

Tell them if they come they need to stay in a hotel - even aside from the covid risk it would be incredibly crowded with your own family and 4 visitors in a 2 bedroom house. I think its unreasonable for them to expect to stay in your house, even if there was no pandemic. Be polite but firm and say you would love to see them once covid restrictions ease.

TrendyNannie6 Wed 09-Jun-21 06:05:25

Are they mad! Goodness me, never ina million years would we allow that ! So very selfish of them to even ask! They are not thinking of you are they!

Millieangel Wed 09-Jun-21 16:36:15

You are not being unreasonable, they are. Your little family must come first.

Ali08 Thu 10-Jun-21 04:38:13

Stand by your decision!!!
Who do they think they are, expecting you and your family to risk not only your lives but that of your precious new baby, too? I'd absolutely tell them NO!!!
If they are that impatient to see your baby, then tell them SKYPE and ZOOM work just fine, or they'll have to rely on you sending them camera pics (just to be awkward and make them wait longer).
Anyway, apart from them seeing your baby, wouldn't it just be lovely for you and your wife to get to know your little one first, and to be able to get into as much of a routine as possible before others visit and try to take over?!!
Good luck and the best of health to you, your wife and beautiful baby!

ExD Thu 10-Jun-21 11:30:54

When are they coming?