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AIBU to find my daughters in-laws rude

(128 Posts)
Grandmagrim Thu 02-Sep-21 10:55:29

My daughter, her husband and 4 children have had to move in with me and my husband. With compromise on both sides regarding space and privacy. My irritation comes from SIL’s parents marching in and through my home to see their son or the grandchildren with out so much as knocking or asking if it is ok. I find it rude and wouldn’t dream of treating their home in the same way.

Baggs Thu 02-Sep-21 10:57:51

Lock the door so they have to ring the bell and can't just march in.

rafichagran Thu 02-Sep-21 10:59:34

Lock the door.

timetogo2016 Thu 02-Sep-21 11:02:13

I totaly agree grandmagrim,and Baggs has a very good point.
It`s aso safer to have your doors locked as anyone could walk in.
I never just walk into my sons homes without knocking even though they say i can.

crazyH Thu 02-Sep-21 11:07:07

Do you mean son-in-law’s parents?
In any case it’s quite rude to just walk-in. Do you keep your front door open or unlocked?

NannyJan53 Thu 02-Sep-21 11:12:11

Just tell them they need to let you know the day before if they are coming over. Then you can let them know whether it is convenient or not. I wouldn't dream of visiting my own children without asking in advance if it is convenient or not.

As others have said keep door locked as it is safer these days anyway.

Namsnanny Thu 02-Sep-21 11:16:05

I was confused by the title, but I mis read it.
Do you have a shoes off policy in the house?
That could be your reasoning for suddenly locking the door.
Ofcourse you could try talking to your daughter first and see how she feels.
Frankly I wouldn't like my privacy disturbed without fore warning.

Just to say you've taken on a lot, from 2 in the house to 8!!
Good luck with it all

Grandmabatty Thu 02-Sep-21 11:16:38

So your son in law's parents are using your house as if it was theirs? I would not be happy about that. However does your dd and family see this as a permanent move? In which case you need to have a chat with dd and sil about boundaries and what would be acceptable. Have you spoken to sil to ask why they are doing this?

hazel93 Thu 02-Sep-21 11:25:49

Beyond rude behavior IMO.
Of course keep doors locked but think you need to have a talk with your daughter and SIL and explain how you feel.
You have been extremely gracious allowing them to stay in the first place - time to get the rules in place !

Newatthis Thu 02-Sep-21 11:56:39

Let people behave badly and they will.

Lolo81 Thu 02-Sep-21 16:08:49

I personally could not cope with this. What I would say though is if D & SIL have been told to treat the place like home and that’s how they did things in their own home then I can see how it has happened.
I’d be inclined to speak to D & SIL and ask them to address it. How often would you be comfortable with visits? How do you envision them happening, as in where would they sit, how long for etc. It’s not insane that they still want to see their GC without the other GP’s there - but the new living arrangements mean that everyone has to communicate comfort levels to avoid resentment.

TrendyNannie6 Thu 02-Sep-21 16:18:33

Nobody could walk straight into our house as you need a key to open the doors, I certainly wouldn’t be allowing that, bl…dy cheek of it, I think you need to have a few words here grandmagrim, and keep your door locked! Wow you have a houseful now, good luck to you x

welbeck Thu 02-Sep-21 16:27:38

if they can get in, the children can get out. unsafe. insecure.

Amberone Thu 02-Sep-21 16:31:03

People (family and friends ?) have always just wandered into my parents house, and we're the same. If the door is locked they know we're out - although sometimes it's because we just want some peace and quiet. Maybe their family is the same and they don't know it disturbs you. I would definitely talk to DD and SiL.

trisher Thu 02-Sep-21 16:48:34

I agree with locking the door. If they haven't the good manners to knock you are entitled to make them wait. My DSs and DGS all have a key to my house in case they turn up when I'm out, but they never use them when they visit, they always knock. If you didn't want to make an issue of it you could always say that their way of walking in has suddenly made you aware that anyone could do it and you don't feel safe with the door unlocked.

AGAA4 Thu 02-Sep-21 16:58:14

I believe it is good manners to ask people if it is convenient before they visit even if it is your own family. To have your SiLs family walking into your home any time they want is beyond rude.
I would have to stop this before it becomes a habit or you will have no privacy.

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 02-Sep-21 17:04:26

This must be a first - I agree with trisher.

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 02-Sep-21 17:05:44

And everyone else who says bloody rude and keep the doors locked.

AGAA4 Thu 02-Sep-21 17:13:27

I always keep my door locked ever since my aunt found a strange man in her living room. She asked him why he was there and he said he just wanted to sit down!
Fortunately he did leave when she asked him to go but she was a bit shaken and did keep her door locked after that.

trisher Thu 02-Sep-21 17:25:59

Wow Germanshepherdsmum this must be a first. We should have some sort of celebration. Just shows though we can sometimes see things in the same way (thanks for acknowledging me) Cheers wine

glammanana Thu 02-Sep-21 17:31:39

I would certainly keep the door locked at all times & tell the parents in law to ring first before visiting as you could be busy what a cheek !! would you be allowed to just walk into their home without invitation I think not somehow.

Newatthis Thu 02-Sep-21 17:33:58

Just mention to them, behind your hand maybe, that you and your DH sometimes have a bit of 'slap and tickle' on the sofa from time to time. This might put them off. Or perhaps ask them have they visited a new 'nudist' beach that you have found!

Nell8 Thu 02-Sep-21 17:50:01

Grandmagrim Infuriating! Yes, keep the door locked.... but, first, maybe you need to rehearse what you'll say if some bright spark comes up with the idea of giving them a spare key or leaving one under a flowerpot.

Witzend Thu 02-Sep-21 18:01:05

Good Lord, I certainly wouldn’t put up with people just walking in. Lock the door!
Might add that we get on very well with our son in law’s parents, but I’m 100% sure they wouldn’t dream of doing this. It’s a question of manners - or lack of them.

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 02-Sep-21 18:10:09

Cheers *trisher&!?