AIBU to find my daughters in-laws rude

Some people really don't understand the need for privacy and their own family probably do things differently to yours and may not pick up on the tense vibes or polite suggestions! If you can explain to both your dd and sil its causing you stress and can you all come up with a plan whilst they are living with you. Sometimes these kind of issues cause more upsets than they need to. So be clear and simple with the rules of the house especially with sil as he may slide unintentionally of hurting your feeling but be just excited to see his family.

I suspect locking the door wouldn't make very much difference. If they knock and you open the door they will probably just march straight in without asking if it's convenient anyway. They are rude, thoughtless people and it's something that needs to be discussed with your daughter first to see what your son-in-laws opinion is.
I'd never go into my daughters' houses without knocking let alone anyone else's.

Grandmabatty

Yet again this is a thread where the original poster doesn't return. I find it quite rude that lots of people offer suggestions which are not acknowledged.

I rarely, if ever, respond to a poster whose name I don't recognise and comes along with a far-fetched family scenario!

Too many of them lately.

Sounds like you need a family meeting - explain in clear terms that you do expect to be consulted before other people come into your home - at least 24 hrs notice would be nice x

I always keep my doors locked. When they were little one of my grandsons (then 2) declared that he was going to the Co-op, which was across a main road, and marched out of the house. I caught him, but the doors were locked after that!
My children always ring the doorbell. If you leave the door unlocked they will continue to walk in unnanounced.

I must agree, I’m wondering why the original poster hasn’t at least acknowledged the responses so far, given that they posted yesterday morning. Ironic really, when they say they are so concerned about the rudeness of s in laws parents. Is this silence not rather rude in itself? Maybe they are just too busy sorting things out to respond just yet...

How rude. Honestly some people. Lock the door.

Very difficult situation. Maybe the in=laws also find it strange walking through your home. As it is difficult for you try dropping hints that you find this open house side of things unusual as you would knock or ring and not just walk in. It might be that DD or Sil told hem to do this

Agree with everyone who thinks it's rude, almost weird.
Your dd and sil could always
Pop round to the I laws house instead. I'd be going off my head!!!

Incredibly rude of them. Whatever arrangement they had with son's family home that is not the same as with yours. I should tell your SIL that you're not happy with them not respecting your privacy/home and tell him that you're going to say the same to his parents as tactfully as you can. If he offers to talk to them instead then so much the better but ,if not, talk to them and just tell them you're not happy with people strolling into your home whenever they want and ask them to phone before any visit to see if it's convenient and also to ring the bell when they arrive and wait to be invited in.

Agree with knspol. it's totally unacceptable. I was brought up to always knock on someone's dooor then step back a pace and wait. I cannot not do this even now, and have brought up my children to do the same.

Even with my family and close friends I would not dream of walking straight in, and always knock first even if I know I am expected and/or welcome any time. If I am staying with family and close friends I always knock, open the door and call out 'Hello' before I go further than the hall.

Thankfully the courtesy is returned by virtually everyone.

Just tell them as it is and my house my rules.

That's not on and very disrespectful. I have a key to my son and daughter in law's home. If I'm asked to go in and feed pets or because they are having trades persons in, but l have never entered their home without their consent.

Tell them not to....simple. It is so rude to do what they are doing.

You are a Saint to be putting up your family like this, but this walking in behaviour is utterly unacceptable - they are guests in your house,so this is beyond rude - lock the doors

Lock the door and make them knock!

This makes no sense whatsoever. I can’t believe how rood people are on gransnet

How rude ....but how to stop it without antagonising your daughter , sil and gc's living with you is a strain I would imagine at times ..........maybe you could take to 'popping' round to your s i l's parents from time to time so you can 'give them and their children some free time to enjoy without you at home'......and see what happens ..............do they keep their door locked ? should be interesting !

They probably don't understand it is rude. Lock your door and ask them to let you know when they want to visit.

My sons have keys to my house and I have said visit whenever they want. I like the feeling that they can still think of my home as their home. I am probably kidding myself. However I don't get to have keys for their places.

I agree with other posters upthread re lack of response from OP.

It is odd when people who seem to have never posted before ask our advice on quite involved matters and gransnetters go to a lot of trouble to compose a reply then the OP never returns.

Hope this OP shows some good manners herself and acknowledges your help.

I would never, ever just walk into anyone’s house without knocking and being invited in. I agree with others who say lock the doors, it is safer anyway.

Grandmabatty

Yet again this is a thread where the original poster doesn't return. I find it quite rude that lots of people offer suggestions which are not acknowledged.

Totally agree. I’ve decided to scroll through threads like this and not respond if the person hasn’t come back to access the answers she asked for.

A clear example of people having different expectations and different ideas of what constitutes good manners.

Interesting reading about neighbours popping in through an unlocked door. I grew up like this. Back door left unlocked. We used to call our neighbour ‘ Mrs. You hoo’. That’s the first thing you heard as she entered the house. I’ve always assumed it’s because my dad came from the North...and that’s what they did there. On a day when my granny was looking after us, she was incensed this neighbour just walked in. It wasn’t how my mum was brought up.

Needless to say, my door has always been firmly locked!

Keep your door locked then they have to ring. It's safe security anyway The other day I was visiting relations in a holiday cottage and had the door open , Covid rules about airflow. There was a small vestibule then the street of a busy market town, we were chatting and suddenly there was a chap in the vestibule trying to sell something. They told him to get out and that an open door did not mean anyone could walk in.
You need to talk to your relations who are staying and state that your s is not an Open house and you will be keeping the door locked.
If there is disagreement if you can face it do it to their in-laws house and see how they feel.

Definitely keep the entrance and the back door locked - you could tell them that you are security minded nowadays.