People who talk about themselves all the time

MissAdventure Really sorry to hear you have been unwell. Do take good care of yourself and put a 'Do not Disturb' notice on your window.
I really look forward to your posts as you make me chuckle.

She is at times.
It's a bit of light relief when the other neighbour knocks to tell me she feels like killing herself!

Friends naturally want to share what is going on in their lives with who they perceive to be other friends don’t they ?
Perhaps it’s necessary to remind them that they should also listen rather than drop them. At least that’s how friendships work in my way of thinking. I’m more of a listener but actually with my closer friends have no hesitation in speaking up….

I’ve just had a phone conversation with one of these people. I say ‘conversation’, but it couldn’t really be called that. She talks, I listen (or not). It is extraordinary, and I don’t think she has any idea she does it. She is a nice person, but not very aware. The only way to get a word in edgeways is to break in, very firmly, which seems rude.

Aveline
They’re oxygen thieves.
MissAdventure
My situation wasn’t as bad as yours ( I don’t think many peoples are) but I had got to the stage where I looked out of my bedroom window ( bungalow with no nets) to see if she was coming.
I didn’t unfriend easily but what a wonderful relief it was when I got the opportunity.
Seriously, how would it work out out if you you told her how you feel. Ie would you still see her much when outside your flats.

dogsmother
Yes they/we do but when you’ve heard the same stories over and over and over ( sometimes in the same conversation ?)
It’s not as if my ex friend had nobody to talk to. She run pubs and clubs in Southend for years and knows the world and his wife.

The entrance to the flats is just outside my kitchen window.
I have window film on it, but even my backdoor is on the pathway to the communal entrance.
I am planning to get blinds, so that will perhaps help a bit, but I love fresh air and (used to) enjoy tending my plants, which are also along the way to the entrance.
There is no escape!

We visited an elderly relative recently. For two hours she didn't draw breath ?
When she started telling us the news about people we have never met and are never likely to I did intervene and change the subject ?

When I was a new mum my neighbour decided she would call every Monday afternoon with her little boy. That was nice.
However she had no conversation outside babies and children. A comment to her about an item on the news would be met with a baffled silence.
Hardly the adult company I was missing after leaving work!

My neighbour is outside now, filling me in with the next installment of how her budgies are.

MissAdventure I now have a wonderful vision of you tapping away on Gransnet while nodding your head and giving the occasional grunt as your neighbour bangs on and on outside about her budgies.

Do the budgies talk aswell?

Squawk, squawk, let me go, let me go

No, they "twit".
She is still out there talking!

Miss A ??

And still..
She has told me all about her agenda for today.
She is going to use kitchen roll to clean her worktops down.
She always uses kitchen roll because she is a clean person..

Oh miss A, you are so lovely.

I'm mean, really, not at all lovely.
Now I'm hearing about the thrilling lives of her goldfish.
Who knew they could fill so many hours of conversation?

And, we are drawing to a close now.
She is running out of steam.
She has had to tell a family member to kick someone to the "curve".

Gone! Phew!
Now I feel mean.
She is harmless, and very kind, in her own funny way.

MissAdventure I have lovely neighbours who are not intrusive. Yours is a nightmare! I would be avoiding her all the time!

That would mean sitting in silence indoors with the curtains shut.
Then she phones me instead (and says, "I can't hear you, hang on, I'll come down."

I have an elderly relative with no children, who phones me with increasing frequency, as she gets older. She has always been a "people person" and has boasted that she can talk to anyone, of any background, which is true. She has always been ready to do anything for anyone, and spend time talking to anyone who is troubled or alone.

Trouble is, since Covid her contact with others has diminished and she is full of talk but little opportunity to share it, so when she starts to chat she doesn't pause. She can start on something that happened to her, go on to telling me the life history of someone who was present when that happened, move on to an account of each of that person's family, then relate the medical history of one of the family, followed by how how own husband had that same illness and his experiences in hospital, and what medication he was given, which leads her on to the medication she had for some ailment and the side effects it gave her, and her difficulties in getting a GP appointment to get it changed. And so on for (on one occasion) an hour and twenty-five minutes (I timed it) with me saying no more than an occasional "Mmmm" or "Oh dear".

If people would tell you one thing about themselves and then pause so that you can tell them something equally boring about you then all things would be equal and we wouldn't get so frustrated at having to be patient while someone drones on about every detail of their not-very-interesting life.

I suspect that with age and/or illness a kind of desperation sets in and they feel that they may not have the time left to them to do all the communicating that they would like to. However, it is self-defeating, because they end up with less attention instead of more if they keep talking too long in an attempt to hold the hearers' attention and hog the limelight like a fading movie star trying to look glamorous. The hearers don't interrupt out of politeness and consideration, but feel put-upon - perhaps they would be better to be honest and jump into the least pause for breath with a pre-prepared conversation-turner?

MissAdventure

My neighbour is outside now, filling me in with the next installment of how her budgies are.

I like budgies, sweet little creatures.
But no, I don't want your neighbour living next to me, budgies or no budgies!!

Poor you, you must feel as if you want to hide inside your own home. She's sounds interfering as well, must drive you crackers.

I hope you're feeling better now

I was just talking to DH about his DM who used to phone to chat and tell me all about her neighbours and their business, the local bus service, the refuse collectors, what the fish man said and once I was so tired I put my head down on the table to rest, trying to say yes or no at the appropriate times but must have got it wrong. She shouted "You're not listening, are you, dear!!" very loudly and brought me to very quickly.

MissAdventure

I'm mean, really, not at all lovely.
Now I'm hearing about the thrilling lives of her goldfish.
Who knew they could fill so many hours of conversation?

Did I ever tell you about one of our goldfish?

Oh, perhaps another time then ?, remind me.

I'll give you my neighbour's number.
You can compare notes.