Is fifty years not enough?

What about the past forty nine ? If he has always been that way but on the whole you couldn't wish for a better husband then take on board that it is extremely unlikely he is 'gonna' change.

We had our golden wedding this summer. Had planned a big do at DH’s golf club but after all the restrictions decided to cancel. We had a small family gathering at our DS1’s house. Perfect!
I had said to dh a year before , ‘I would love to go back to the Scilly Isles for our 50th, - I’ll leave it with you’ . Never heard another word about it. Funny that! ?. Lockdown has proved a good excuse for some.
I did get flowers and a necklace on the day ❤️…. and a card ?
I must admit I prefer to give than receive. I’m not blowing my own trumpet, but I find people giving me gifts is embarrassing and I don’t want them spending money on things I don’t really want. I’ve got to the age where I don’t wants presents, just peoples company.

It’s our 50th next month and we are going back to where we got married and staying for 3 nights and meeting up with 8 friends for lunch. We will exchange cards but no gifts.

Quizzer I think you have been treated very shabbily and deserve better. Is there anything you want that you could treat yourself to and tell you DH as no money was spent on any celebration you are spending the money now. Do you have a special friend or relatives you could have a nice meal with ? Do you fancy a Spa weekend ?

Just go and buy yourself something you really want and tell him so. I get you're disappointed but after 50 years you know what he's like so what's the point of upsetting yourself? He's said you should buy yourself something so do it and accept him for who he is. He loves you or you wouldn't have lasted 50 years.

I’d be hurt too mainly because I think of birthdays and significant anniversaries as the one “special” day to be celebrated. I also love the attention and fun to be had from going out somewhere or a few days away, to celebrate. However I also see others’ points of view about him being a good husband and provider, so I hope he is?
My chap totally overlooked my birthday 2020 except for a rubbish card and Christmas too which we had to spend apart, and didn’t think to order flowers or anything via the internet. However, just recently I admired something in a gallery and bless him he bought it in “recognition that Covid kept us apart for your last birthday and at Christmas”. I was so touched by his loving gesture.
I hope in time your mind will ease and maybe you might make a belated special meal at home (with candles and your best china?) to prompt him to think of your joint achievement of 50 years together & start a conversation. Well done you two!

We avoid specific wedding anniversary cards as the words are usually unsuitable, but we choose nice “ general” cards. We don't exchange gifts, and if there is to be a meal or trip away, it is always me who is left to organise it. So I shall ‘t be expecting anything different for our next big anniversary.

Quizzer Why not organise a celebration yourself?

Gingster Why don't you organize a trip to the Scillies?

I confess that I don't understand women who wait for their OH's to organize a holiday, a celebration or even a day out. Didn't we all grow up believing in equality?

I sometimes celebrate the anniversary of when we met which is easy to remember because it was the first weekend in May when I was 21. More than 50 years ago. I can't remember the year in which we got married but for some reason he can.

My OH hates to be reminded of his birthday and is pleased if the date passes without being noticed. He is 75 next week and I'm still thinking what to do.

Many years ago I moaned about him forgetting Valentine's Day. He made a card with a heart drawn on it and he wrote "This a a Valentine's Card" across it.

Sorry you findthis upsetting Quizzer We had our 60th last year , I m still waiting for the Diamonds! We have never made much of anniversaries or birthdays and the last couple of years even less with lockdowns and considerable shielding. Luckily our family often do ‘something’ so make the most of what we’ve got. I must admit I have sometimes felt a bit envious when I hear other people talk about their romantic events but it is what it is and at85 I don’t think things will change now ?

I agree with baggs

He is doing what he has always done.

We had our 60th anniversary, at the beginning of September, and like Oops, we have had a perpetual card since 2012.
This is because , like Quizzers DH, mine is not good at remembering occasions. But, he is the kindest man, and I can't imagine having any one different.
Our daughter and son in law, organised a family garden party and BBQ, which was just right and much appreciated.
As to presents, there was nothing that either of us wanted. So if and when we do find something, we will buy it as a joint present.

Not being at all unreasonable, but how on earth did you put up with him for 50 years?

My 10th wedding anniversary was the beginning of the end for me - he actually asked me what I wanted, so I told him - "a long weekend away in Prague, (staying at a friend of his, so not too expensive), without the children, as never been away without them, and I want you to organise it" (as I did EVERYTHING!) ....

What I actually got was a bunch of flowers that lasted 24 hours, and a mug!!

Is 50 vastly different to 48, 49, 51, or 52?

Send yourself a beautiful bunch of red Rose's. That will concentrate his mind. Sometimes being reminded of your worth, is all it takes. He will surface, when you tell him that you told a lot of people it was your Golden anniversary. His toes will start moving, I guarantee it

Dinahmo - I don’t think my Dh has ever organised a holiday in all our 50 years. I just thought this one time it might be nice for him to do it.

I am afraid I dont think something lasting for 50 years indicates it's ok. If it upsets you you need to tell him. I would find it fairly thoughtless to be honest.

JaneJudge

It's not really that difficult to organise a bunch of flowers and a bottle of fizz or to book a table in the pub/restaurant, is it?

Exactly.
Unless your DH is ‘on the spectrum’ and just doesn’t get important things like Golden Wedding Anniversaries, then he just isn’t bothering himself to do anything/ buy something for you.Disgraceful.Glad that you returned his expensive present.
Buy yourself something lovely.

Gingster

Dinahmo - I don’t think my Dh has ever organised a holiday in all our 50 years. I just thought this one time it might be nice for him to do it.

Did he know you thought that?

He's supposed to think it all by himself.
It's not the same if you have to remind someone to remember to surprise you.

Well if you’ve had a good marriage that’s the main thing isn’t it? My SIL and BIL organised a huge party for their golden wedding, fine speeches about their devotion etc etc.
Every single time we see them they each moan, he about her when she goes out of the room, her about him. We got so sick of it that we only see them when we have to.
Many people like to make a show but honestly if he’s been a good, loving husband to you that’s the important thing.

It's a shamehe didn't change the habits of a life time for your Golden Wedding
Quizzer but your 50 years together must count for something. Talk to him and tell him how disappointed you were maybe you could arrange to do something nice together.
I have to confess here that I'm the one who forgets anniversaries in out house my husband usually remembers

Unless your DH is ‘on the spectrum’ and just doesn’t get important things like Golden Wedding Anniversaries

I think I must be 'on the spectrum' then. I've never really understood the need to send each other cards and presents on a regular basis - we barely remember birthdays let alone anniversaries and haven't been interested in Valentine's Day for about forty years. (I mean our birthdays - we do send cards to other people.) Like some others we have perpetual Christmas cards that we like. We buy a pressie if we see something we think would be enjoyed and appreciated. We celebrate births/marriages/promotions/achievements/other good things that happen but it's been many years since we bothered about birthdays or anniversaries. I'm sure that sounds odd to many but it suits us.

i agree with Jezra.
you can decide to feel offended or slighted etc.
or you can decide to be grateful to have a life's companion still after 50 years.
many, most of us are not so lucky.

see poet Henry Normal, scroll forward to 26 minutes,
www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m000sj8s

You can be very lonely in a relationship.

Does he love and appreciate you on a daily basis? If so then that’s more than enough! Men don’t on the whole measure love by special days ….. and neither should we in the grand scheme of things.

If he has made you happy over the years then what more could you ask for?