Adult son won’t leave home

Gagajo, please put it in a bank account? or were you talking metaphorically...

OP, sounds a nightmare

grannyactivist

May I ask, why exactly do you want him to go?

I think this is an important point.

Do you have anything in common?

With the lack of information about how he impacts on your life, I actually feel a bit sorry for him!

Do you have a busy social/work life yourself?

I too was wondering why you want him to go.

Septimia

If you charge him full rent, perhaps you could put some of it aside for a deposit on a rental property for him. Giving him a hand with that might help to push him to move out. Don't tell him what you're doing, though, just offer it when he starts making a move towards going.

I'm doing this. My daughter is looking for FT work but for now, is working part-time. She's paying me about 40% of her earnings.

She doesn't know it, but I'm stashing the cash in an envelope and then when she has a FT job, and has saved a reasonable amount towards a deposit, I'm going to give her the envelope back.

Don't be like my bloke! His DD has left and come back hundreds of times. She's now late 30's and it looks as if she'll never leave home and will only be forced out when the house has to be sold when he either has to go into a home OR when he dies. He is doing her no favours by allowing it but is too weak to make her leave.

I’d tread carefully too, why does he have to go? If his mental health is an issue it’s really important that you try to work with him rather than push….

May I ask, why exactly do you want him to go?

Don't push him 'over the edge', you say he suffers anxiety and depression.. How would you feel then?
If he clams up then he is still suffering.

at least he seems to live separately from you.

He needs to pay his pay, he needs motivation to work full time. I would give him a deadline and notice when his rent will be increasing. Here its £500 for a room in a house, plus food etc. Have a look on right move and see what the rate is in your area. I imagine that he is on the internet or gaming?? I hear there's a lot of job about at the moment, one must have his name on it.

Definitely charge him rent. If he complains point out that it covers heating and hot water, kitchen facilities and Council tax.

I deduce that there are only two of you in the property. If it was just you, you cpuld get a 25% discount on your Council tax.

Do not tell him, but you could put the money aside to give him a cushion to sort himself out once he is living independently.

If you charge him full rent, perhaps you could put some of it aside for a deposit on a rental property for him. Giving him a hand with that might help to push him to move out. Don't tell him what you're doing, though, just offer it when he starts making a move towards going.

Mouseybrown60

Bump!

Why bump? 18 minutes after the OP?

Thanks, yes I know he’s too comfortable but don’t know how to give him the push he needs. He does his own washing, food shopping and cooking, cleaning if I nag him. The problem is that all the energy comes from me, so it’s easier to just get on with it. Charging full rent is a good idea….. he only works part time because he doesn’t actually need to work full time ?

Let’s be fair, you can’t change the locks on your son, he has nowhere to go, he has suffered from Anxiety and depression, maybe he is only capable of doing part time the the moment because of his illness.
Start charging him rent, if he finds he can’t manage on the money he has left, you will soon know if he is too ill to work , or that he just can’t be bothered.
He will need a fair amount of money to cover deposits and rent on a property unless he shares………
If he works full time, then charge him a fair rent and start making him live by your rules.

Bump!

If deadlines come and go, then he knows there are no consequences to them. Why does he not work full time? More money would give him more choices. He needs a bit of a shove as he's too comfortable. Take money from him for rent and perhaps you could save it up for him as a deposit. Do you do all his washing, ironing, etc? Do you make his meals, get food in for him? Stop. Tell him it's time he took responsibility. Give him a sensible deadline and keep referring to it. Ask how his search is going. Etc