"Freedomfromthepast can I just ask what you mean by pushing back? I started sticking up for myself less than a year ago. Its got to have come as a shock to her! I have put up with a lot, but no longer willing to."
I mean standing up for myself. Telling her no. Remember I first did it when I was 2 and she wanted to dress me up like a doll and I refused. She is still mad and loves to rehash it all these years later.
As you know, the scapegoat is usually the one who refused to be manipulated and controlled. When I saw something that I know was not right, I would say it. I was taught the difference between right and wrong, but they did not walk the walk so to speak. The older I got, the more I called it out, the worse she got with me.
Gosh I remember we once ended up in therapy as a "family". I must have been about 13 and I cant even remember why we were there to be honest. It may be because I thought if they HEARD me, things would get better for me, and us as a family unit.
She let me go first. So there I was, about 13 or so, pouring my heart out to this therapist. Telling him all the things I thought would make it better. Then it was her turn. She threw a literal toddler fit. Slapping her arms on her legs, screaming at the top of her lungs how she is not surprised that I always blame her and no one appreciates her. I am actually surprised that no one checked on her with all the goings on.
I immediately clammed up. The therapist gave me a talking to about how I should be more supportive of my mother. Never went back after that visit.
After that is when she got REALLY nasty. She starting calling me a Itch, telling me I am unlovable and no one would want to date me (as a teen). She would compare me and my sisters and decide that I was getting fat, despite me being a tiny size 2 back then.
I know now that she was projecting. I had learned her truth and called her out on it with that therapy session, so it was war.
She had still raised me to not stand up to her, so I didnt really. By that point I avoided her as much as I could. You never know what you were going to get. She might be sweet as pie or a maniac.
I got married very young, just after I turned 20. Divorced 18 months later. Had to move back home for 6 months. She tried to stop me from seeing my friends or doing anything. Had my dad talk to me about how disrespectful I was being by going out with friends after work. It was all about her trying to control me.
The fact that she can not and never has been able to control me is what makes her the most mad. Most of the time I ignore her when I have to be in contact. But some days, the b!tchy side of me comes out and I will "push back" knowing I am going to make her mad. I dont care. I typically am the bigger person, but some days...