Triangulation /the narcissistic kind

She's very lucky to have you maddyone even though she doesn't realise it. I hope the visit isn't too stressful for you. Don't feel guilty, the guilt is for her to own not you.

Yesterday I visited my mother on her birthday in her care home. In fairness to her she did like the handbag I bought for her for her birthday. She had asked me to buy her a handbag. Otherwise, as usual she was very negative. She had texted me to say she was ill and the doctor had been called. When we arrived she was in bed. She explained how ill she was, but it was her usual problem of constipation (she often gets it and always calls the dr) and no doubt she’d told the staff she needed a doctor. Obviously they don’t know her as well as I do. I could have diagnosed it myself and prescribed two sennacot which would have sorted her out. She’s so attentive seeking all the time.
At the same time my husband’s mother, also 94, is in hospital for her fourth week, suffering from breathing difficulties and chest infections. Yesterday my husband phoned the hospital and managed to speak to her. I ended up crying. She sounded so so ill. She said her chest hurts her to breathe (she’s on three litres of oxygen a day) she sounded so bad, it’s so upsetting. Now there’s Covid in the hospital (not her ward) so no visitors are allowed. I don’t think she’ll get better now.
The difference between the two mothers is so huge. It always was, she was so lovely to me right from the beginning. My mother was definitely not nice to my husband. One time she said he’d have made a good Nazi. I gasped. And she laughed. She’s unbelievable.

Your H must be worried sick maddyone I hope you get to see her soon.

I'm glad your mum was pleased with her gift and the visit wasn't as bad as it could have been. Not much you can do with constant negativity except let it wash over you as much as you can.

Can I PM you Smileless please?

Yes of course maddyone

I tried but it wouldn’t go. Could you try PMing me please?

I'll pm you now.

Just sent it maddyone.

Thanks I’m looking out for it. X

Sorry I've been so long in getting back. I had laptop issues and life got crazy for a while, but I'm trying to catch up here now and really appreciate all the answers.

Thanks so much Smileless. I hope he will get clean and be in his right mind, realise he's loved. Seeing Christmas decorations in the shops feels a bit depressing. Last year I put the tree up in November , but this year I'm not sure. If I knew perhaps I was expecting a certain little visitor I would jump at the chance of all the Christmas decor and prep...
I know, I'm lucky I got him last Christmas, at all. I will treasure the memories and try to be content with those.

It's hard isn't it when you're not the favourite. It seems like many people have favourites, even though they loudly say how they treat all their kids as equals. They blatantly do not. I've seen it in my own family and in neighbours and friends families. They know what they are doing.

Glad your Mum liked her hand bag Maddyone 94 is a good old age! It's kind of you and understandable to want peace for yourself at the same time.