Speak to the parents

The vast majority*

I was just about to post and then saw grannyactivists post. I’ve sat here with a rueful smile when reading the “ring social services” or “call the police” comments. In the real world people are driven to despair by this type of behaviour and police and social services really don’t have time for this type of stuff. I really sympathise with anyone having to contend with anti social behaviour.

A couple of years ago I had a grandchild of my neighbour throwing stone at my car. His mother and Grandmother were standing watching and smirking. When I reported it to the local authority I was told I should have phoned the police. The child was 5 . I can't report a 5 year old to the police. I reported the parent and Grandparent .

tickingbird

I was just about to post and then saw grannyactivists post. I’ve sat here with a rueful smile when reading the “ring social services” or “call the police” comments. In the real world people are driven to despair by this type of behaviour and police and social services really don’t have time for this type of stuff. I really sympathise with anyone having to contend with anti social behaviour.

Maybe if they had time for this sort of stuff it wouldn’t escalate into something much bigger and harder to deal with when the children are bigger and older.

Children are in charge, and they’re not very good at it. So we get anarchy.

Many years ago, we came back from a short break to find our car back window had been smashed with a stone. Our neighbours had covered it, and also knew who had one it. When I spoke to the police ( we then had a local officer), and said I was minded to speak to the boy's parents, he advised me against it as it was highly likely that the boy's Mother would beat him black and blue, this being her well known way. I decided not to. Conversation with a colleague who worked with challenging children at the primary school confirmed this was well known, with the children being locked out of their home overnight for 'being cheeky', and being walloped hard for misdemeanours. Does rather make the 'a smack never did any harm' brigade look a bit silly.

That’s assault Gill. Not in the same league as a smack. I can understand how it can be taken too far though.

Yes I agree with disco dancer. It's the same principle as spending Amoney on primary health care to save huge amounts of money being needed for acute care later on.

I do sympathise with over stretched police officers on the ground. But allowing children to behave anti socially with impunity, just causes huge problems later on when these kids become the self entitled adults of the future who think the rules and laws don't apply to them.

If parents won't teach their children right from wrong somebody needs to step in. Too often now neighbours just get a mouthful of abuse, or indignant denial if they try to intervene.

If they had a police officer on their doorstep it might give some of them the kick up the arse they need in order to start parenting properly.

The blame for all this appallingly bad behaviour lies squarely with L'Oréal!!! " Because I'm worth it!!" Since that ad campaign it all went tits up! Everyone and their mates went all entitled and self centred.......

Do you have doorbell web cam or a security camera on your house. Maybe showing the parents what the kids are doing would have more impact. I know it can be illegal to film children but not if its just normal street footage.

Gabrielle56

The blame for all this appallingly bad behaviour lies squarely with L'Oréal!!! " Because I'm worth it!!" Since that ad campaign it all went tits up! Everyone and their mates went all entitled and self centred.......

?

Gabrielle56

The blame for all this appallingly bad behaviour lies squarely with L'Oréal!!! " Because I'm worth it!!" Since that ad campaign it all went tits up! Everyone and their mates went all entitled and self centred.......

So if any of you Grans were in a position of power, what would you do about it? Does anyone have any sensible ideas of what could be done? Personally, I think that things started to go haywire from the moment they withdrew physical punishment from schools. I remember 3 'bad' boys in my junior school, each receiving the cane in front of the whole school. Not only did they cry which made them not seem quite so tough to the rest of us, but it also acted as a warning to those who watched, of what would happen if we misbehaved. I realise that some teachers took it too far in those days, but rather than remove those powers altogether, why not make it law that it MUST be done in front of the whole school, so that it acts as a warning, and would immediately be reported if anyone thought it was too much? Just my thoughts.

Bignanny2

This is the problem these days. No one seems to have any respect for other people or their property. And they are bringing up their children with the same attitude ?!

I totally agree and it’s really upsetting sometimes. I remember how respectful I had to be as a child I wouldn’t dream of talking back to an adult but sadly as someone else stated those days have long gone

Gabrielle56

The blame for all this appallingly bad behaviour lies squarely with L'Oréal!!! " Because I'm worth it!!" Since that ad campaign it all went tits up! Everyone and their mates went all entitled and self centred.......

Yes I have noticed a marked deterioration in my behaviour since I bought a L'Oreal mascara, and as for DH.....I can't tell you how bad his relationship with our neighbours has been since I bought him a different shampoo

"Does your mother know you are doing that?" may be useful.

Children are in charge, and they’re not very good at it. So we get anarchy

Maybe ask yourself how this has come to pass?

Naninka

I worked as a teacher for almost 30 years and, yes, I've met some horrendous kids - they are almost always egged on by even more horrendous parents.
Several years ago, I estimated that the number of students I'd taught was well over 10,000.
I can honestly say that within this, there have only been a very small number of out-and-out wrong doers.
The vast amount are pleasant, kind kids, seeking to do the right thing for themselves and others.

I totally agree Naninka. I am another ex secondary teacher here and until I retired three years ago, taught in inner city schools in Birmingham and Manchester. I did meet a few “challenging” children over the years and there were incidents of poor behaviour, fights, threats etc but the majority of my classes were full of lively, cheeky children. Sometimes their home circumstances or previous experiences prevented them from coping with school life and these children needed a lot of support to be able to settle down enough to learn.

I have never felt frightened nor been physically threatened but I did hear lots of bad language and bravado from large groups. I really feel there are more good children than bad ones and that it’s wrong to assume that all teenagers are “ bad” . I think we forget how teenagers behave as we get older but I bet some of the people here being very negative about youngsters did things their grandparents disapproved of. Like wearing short skirts, listening to rowdy music, staying out late, lying to parents about where you were going, messing around on street corners with friends etc etc. I know I did!

Yes, there are gangs causing problems in some areas but not all the time and not everywhere. Once you get to know teenagers as individuals away from their mates, they are usually a pleasure to be with.

This thread started out as a discussion about parents objecting to neighbours reprimanding their badly behaved children as they should be approaching the parents, whilst also making it very difficult or confrontational when neighbours try to do just that.

It's not a tirade against teenagers.

"Does your mother know you are doing that?"

Do your parents know you are doing that?

Much better now!

Caleo

"Does your mother know you are doing that?" may be useful.

I would absolutely say something to the kids along these lines. I would tell them to stop. And if they went to tell the parents, I would have a word with them as well.

Every time they said I was upsetting the child, I would respond with "they are upsetting me by damaging my car."
I do not shy away from confrontation though. I know many a people who do and understand not wanting to.

I saw a quote today that resonated with me.

"If it not coming from a place of love, it's a call for love."

If it were me, I would invite them to help in my garden. Offering a connection to me and a pride in ownership accomplishment. I know that is not always feasible though.

I should say, if it were me, I would start a community garden for all the misdirected teens in the neighborhood. But I tend to go overboard. LOL

I sometimes wonder about what seems to me a bit of a current buzz word with "building self-esteem" in young people. Of course children – and that includes adolescents – should not be demeaned, but I suspect that some young people interpret this as a free ride that entitles them to do what they like. We, as adults know their immaturity: they think they rule the world, or, at least, their parents. It's not all down to the parents. It does take a village – or, at the very least, an extended family to raise a child. Childhood is a process of learning, educationally, socially and in other ways.

tickingbird

^Children are in charge, and they’re not very good at it. So we get anarchy^

Maybe ask yourself how this has come to pass?

Because discipline, ( and I don’t necessarily mean smacking), has gone out of the window.

There are no consequences for bad behaviour, certainly such as in my day...and in my childrens.

One very small example. We watch ‘ GP’s Behind Closed Doors’. Some of the behaviour from children in the surgery is appalling. I never let mine behave like that...well, they just wouldn’t have, they didn’t need telling. The idea of me behaving like that in the sixties is almost funny, it so wouldn’t have happened.

absent

I sometimes wonder about what seems to me a bit of a current buzz word with "building self-esteem" in young people. Of course children – and that includes adolescents – should not be demeaned, but I suspect that some young people interpret this as a free ride that entitles them to do what they like. We, as adults know their immaturity: they think they rule the world, or, at least, their parents. It's not all down to the parents. It does take a village – or, at the very least, an extended family to raise a child. Childhood is a process of learning, educationally, socially and in other ways.

I agree that it takes a Village....
But so many parents nowadays seem to think their family exists in a kind of bubble and resent anyone else telling their child off or complaining about their behaviour.

I think it makes people more edgy and irritable when they see gangs of children out playing. Years ago they knew, if it got too loud or rowdy, they could go out and say something and the kids would quieten down or buzz off. Now they know they're equally likely to get a load of cheek and kids escalating their behaviour because they have no fear of their parents being told about it. The parents will just tell their children to ignore the cranky lady, or will come around and inform you that their children have a 'right' to do what they like.

It makes neighbours feel like they have absolutely no say or control, and just creates tension from the off.

The worst behaviour I ever witnessed was a class of school children having a swimming lesson , which my heart group had to walk past to get to our pool . As the first large elderly lady passed them they all howled and yipped like dogs ,and not one teacher or pool assistant said a word . I was mortified for her . Health benefit or not , I never went back to continue my rehab course .