Looking after grandchildren whilst ill

Many years ago I took DD to stay with an elderly aunt of mine. Within 24 hours she had gone down with flu - alternating vomiting and nose bleeds. Another time she and her brother went to stay with a friend and both had chickenpox. In both cases I went and collected them immediately. Why wouldn't you? Why would you leave them with someone else?

How awful for you. I had that nasty little bug ten days ago. It was brutal, and there was no way I could have looked after one let alone two small children. I’m only just starting to eat proper meals again now.

I just don’t understand this at all. I’d have been worried sick if it were my children, and come straight home. It’s not just the fact they were ill. It’s the possible danger they were in because you both were so ill.

The thing is...it’s done now. You’re on the other side of it, and no doubt, your daughter and son in law will just see nobody’s died...so what’s the problem!!

I would wait until you feel much better. Then sit and talk it through with your husband first. He needs to see he should have supported you. Then talk to your daughter. Did you by any chance get a picture of the kitchen after your little grandson tried to sort himself out?

I know there’s always the risk they’ll sulk, and won’t want to bring the kids to see you, but you could have been hospitalised or anything.

Your initial reaction was the right one. I would not have taken a vomiting child at all. We are so vulnerable being older.

Bless you, this all sounds so horrible. I would be most cross with my husband.

Don’t rush to help again. There’s clearly no regard for your welfare....or their children’s to be honest.

I do hope you sort it out?

Sorry but if I had a child who was crying for his mummy I would have my phone out and I'd be ringing her and letting her hear her child and I would do it constantly until she agreed to come back . If necessary I'd do it at all hours of the day and night.
As for your husband I'd tell him quite firmly that if he ever behaved like that again and agreed to something I had objected to he would find himself minding the children alone because I'd be booking myself into a nice hotel somewhere and leaving him to get on with it.
Taking to your bed is an excellent idea and don't do anything more for the family. All of them need to be more considerate towards you.

I would welcome them back with open arms and unwashed mugs so they could share their own bad decisions with each other on the way home. Just kidding.

First, your daughter obviously trusted you to look after her children while they were ill. But at the same time you must let them know how ill the children were while they were away, I remember years ago driving over to my mother’s house - an hours drive. My three (2,4,6) were in the back of the car. One of them started vomiting but I was nearly at mum’s. When we arrived the other two were sick all over the hall carpet. After helping to clean the children up she asked me to drive them back home! So I did. She was a nurse.

They went to a week end house party for heaven's sake! anyone on GN get their parents to do a 5 day stint looking after their kids for such a trivial self indulgent reason? As soon as the parents were told their little boy was unwell, they should have come straight back unfortunately looking after sick children is one of the downsides of parenting. I can remember cancelling a rare week end away when one of ours wasn't well, it's not fair to expect someone else to clear up after your sick children, not to mention the fact that small children can go downhill quickly and a parent needs to be the one monitoring a sick child/ren. So yes they are selfish, and your husband should not be indulging them in allowing them to shirk their responsibilities at your expense.

I hope you have recovered now.

How awful for you!

I think there are a few aspects that you need to consider in thinking about how to deal with this situation going forward:

*Your husband has been very very unwise which you already know. I understand why you kept going because of the little ones, but he really does need to understand the consequences of his very unwise decisions! "Leave him to it if anything similar ever arises again and tell him that that is what you will do" seems wise to impact on him, but of course when little children are concerned that is easier said than done, if they are distressed and he is having to try and help them.

*I am a bit gobsmacked at the parents being apparently happy to just leave their very little children, obviously ill and needing their mummy and daddy. In those circumstances I think many parents would have been dashing back asap. (To be honest I am a bit gobsmacked at them being happy leaving such young children for 5 nights, even with grandparents that they know. I think many would not even consider doing that!)

* I am also a bit gobsmacked at them leaving their parents to struggle through with two little distressed children when their parents are clearly ill as well

*I do not think you can just leave this, otherwise I think other situations will arise with you being totally taken for granted and being treated very inconsiderately. I think that you need to be very clear:

*just how bad it has been
*just how distressed your little grandchildren have been
*just how ill you have been
* whether you will EVER be willing to have the children for so long again (if not, state clearly how many nights you would consider)

And don't prepare for them. Leave sheets etc for them to make up beds. leave a pile of washing for them to stick in the washing machine etc!

Go to bed and sleep and leave them to it!

Take care of YOURSELF!

Let us know how it all goes, when you are feeling better

I think this is awful

I hope you feel better soon but you need to make sure this doesn't happen again. They sound incredibly selfish (sorry I know they are your family, I'm sure they have their good points but gosh)

I think your husband was to blame here. Yes your adult children were selfish in the extreme and I dont think you should have looked after then for 5 nights anyway.
What staggered me was even after you were ill as well, your husband still encouraged them not to come back.
Go to bed and let him deal with the children and the parents when they come back. Please say to the parents you will not be doing this again.

Blueant, I'm horrified - it's just selfish, irresponsible behaviour all round. Most parents wouldn't leave a poorly child in the first place and would have rushed back to collect them when you were ill.

Your husband didn't seem to appreciate the problems of looking after small children when ill.

As others have said, I'd take to my bed and leave them all to get on with it. You deserve a nice rest. I'd avoid any future babysitting too.

that could actually have been quite a dangerous situation; lucky it was only a mess left in the kitchen.
if it was me, i would say little. go to bed immediately, take up some water, medication, whatever might be needed, radio.
and hunker down.
do not leave sheets anywhere. let the three adults who thought this was a good idea sort everything out.
stay there until they have gone.
simply decline to have the children overnight again if asked.

I actually cannot believe what a selfish couple they are !!

So much wrong here. No-one is listening to you. When you say no, or have concerns, everyone shouts you down. If you say no or raise concerns, the children's parents ignore that in favour of your husband who says what they want to hear. They have totally disregarded your feelings and wants here. I'd be mad at my husband and let him deal with the sick kids while I went to recover. He made a choice for me in spite of what I wanted, he can have the consequences.

When the kids' parents get there leave them to it. You go rest in your room. If you want to do this kind of care in future, set conditions first. If they are sick, you won't take them, for example. If your husband allows you to have a say, of course.

Terrible situation. I'd not babysit for them again, ever. They could stay the night elsewhere, anywhere except in my home. As for H, I'd be furious. Stand your ground.

I have just asked both my children What they think, I know what I think, they both agreed with me , and find it quite honestly appalling! None of them would have gone in the first place if any of their children had been vomiting the morning they left, they would be straight back if the vomiting started after they had left, very selfish behaviour from the parents beggars belief! That they think so little of what you were doing that they refused to come back early, we can’t understand you DH attitude either

Appalling behaviour from your daughter and son in law. Just unbelievably selfish and irresponsible. And as for your husband....

I would wait until you're feeling a bit stronger and then I'd be having serious words all round. This whole situation was unacceptable and deeply distressing for you and for their sick son. They should be deeply ashamed of themselves, and your husband needs to cop himself on.

I don't think I could leave 2 toddlers for that long and my (very much shorter) trip would have been cancelled the moment one was poorly.

That's just me though, I dont know much about these parents otherwise so don't want to judge them too harshly.

I'm sorry your time with your grandchildren wasnt what you hoped.

I honestly wouldn't say too much except the facts because it sounds like it could cause problems with them and husband... Wait to see if they are apologetic and appreciative I suppose and go from there

What bad luck this happened, had the children been well you would probably have had a really lovely experience with them.
We had our gd for 5 days when she was 15 months and really enjoyed it all BUT we were not sick which makes all the difference in the world.
I hope you feel better soon, rest now and let them get on with things. Then have a firm talk with your husband.

Thanks all for your advice and support-it was a huge help to me and made me feel less alone. I’m so glad I posted.
I did as many of you suggested and took to my bed, leaving my DH to go it alone with the grandkids (felt a bit mean, but I just didn’t have it in me to help). My DD and SiL returned yesterday evening: DD was full of sympathy, flowers and offers of help, but didn’t mention their decision not to return early, and I think I have to hold my DH responsible for that as he clearly did a great job of telling them we would manage and they mustn’t cut short their weekend! This is very typical of him: he will always put himself out for other people-even at his own expense (and in this instance mine as well). He’s been very sweet and solicitous since handing the responsibility for the grandkids back to their parents, and we’ve told our DD that we won’t mind the kids in future if they’re not well, and not for five days as it’s too long at their age. Aside from that, I think I need to practice making myself heard so that I don’t get railroaded into something like this again! I’m glad this hasn’t escalated into something that could’ve caused a rift between us, but I will be much clearer about my needs moving forwards instead of letting them get pushed to the bottom of the heap.
Once again, thank you all so much for taking the time to send me your thoughts: they really did help! ?

Would say that the parents should have cut their trip short and returned but if your dh downplayed the situation ....?

Glad all went ok Blueant. I have a similar dh so do understand

Blueant, so glad to hear that you took our advice!

So nice of you to come back and tell us what happened. Good for you taking to your bed, and glad you’ve resolved the situation without causing a rift. Look after yourself going forwards.

Well done you Blueant- you've handled this so well. Bravo.

Yes...well done. Make sure you stick to it, and don’t get railroaded again.

Hope you’re all feeling better.