No response for Birthday gift

Maybe she’s actually going to call today or even write a little note?

I do think you’re being unreasonable to expect her to check her personal emails and make a response on a workday. A lot of people have at least two, work and personal, and only check their personal every couple of days or so. Certainly not until the end of the day.

To be honest I think you’re a bit out of touch with how younger people use communication.

We stopped buying presents for adults years ago. There was so much expectation round the whole process, it just became about obligation and duty. The whole act of the pleasure of giving was just lost.

Children are so different. They love everything, and there’s alway lots of hugs and kisses involved, rather than...” why did you get me that? You know I hate that colour!!”

Thanks so much ladies for your straightforward practical responses. All your perspectives are so helpful ! ( and Enid mage me laugh ?)

If you can’t bear the anxiety of not hearing from her, if you can’t bear not getting a quick acknowledgment and thanks, don’t do it again!!
If you feel compelled to do it again don’t spend so much, don’t expect a thank you & if you don’t get a response at all, let it go.
Lessons learned.

I don’t buy my adult offspring or their partners presents. They all have everything they want and if not can afford to buy it. There’s so much palava over presents, buying and receiving. My kids know not to get me anything and to give the money they might have spent to a charity . As for expecting a response and thanks that fast, yes IMO you are being impatient to put it mildly. Enid hit the nail on the head!!!

Maybe she has a few thank you messages to send so is going to do them all after her birthday. I would say yes, you are being unreasonable expecting a thank you so quickly.

Nanny2020

Thanks so much ladies for your straightforward practical responses. All your perspectives are so helpful ! ( and Enid mage me laugh ?)

I’m glad I made you laugh! It was a tongue in cheek response but sometimes humour helps.

Iff she doesn't get in touch I would ask tomorrow if she received it. It's annoying when you're thoughtful and people don't respond as you expect.

I'd give her time to actually look at the email! Sometimes thank yous once the gift has been looked at and enjoyed are much more genuine than the obligatory 'you gave me a gift so I must say thank you straight away' kind of thank yous!

As others have said, I think you are expecting too much from your DIL.

She works - her day is not her own for the most part - and she will possibly have received numerous other text messages apart from your email. She will also have other commitments when she gets home from work.

I don't think some people understand that it's not always possible to stop what you are doing and respond immediately to an email or text message. Especially if you are at work.

My DIL is very slow at responding over the 'net... but I know she is busy, and don't hold it against her or think that she's uncaring / not bothering / ungrateful... she's just busy. There are only so many hours in the day, and sometimes, they're just not enough!

LovelyCuppa

I'd give her time to actually look at the email! Sometimes thank yous once the gift has been looked at and enjoyed are much more genuine than the obligatory 'you gave me a gift so I must say thank you straight away' kind of thank yous!

LovelyCuppa

... you nailed it!

I think sometimes the present means more to the giver than the receiver.

Nada

Yes! I agree

nadateturbe

I think sometimes the present means more to the giver than the receiver.

I think this can be absolutely true.

I've spent a lot of time recently looking for a 70th birthday present for a friend, I think I've found the ideal gift and that she will love it, and this has given me a lot of pleasure.

It may turn out though that she is pretty indifferent to it, or even hates it.

Our own expectations can be our own worst enemies sometimes.

How do you know that she has received the email, let alone read it ? It may have gone into her junk folder and she may have deleted it by mistake.
It does seem a bit impersonal to send something like that by email to me but I'd leave it for a few days or even weeks and then ask if she enjoyed the spa treatment then see what she says.

Very unreasonable. You haven't given her time to find the email, she possibly gets quite a few!
Let her enjoy her day, read through her emails & cards & open gifts & I expect she'll get to you in due time!!!

Ask her to confirm of course! You're concerned that it may have gone astray? No embarrassing issue here but for your DiL if she has received and been rude enough not to thank you!

It depends on the email systems you both use whether you get confirmation of her having read your mail.

Wait a couple of days, then phone her and ask if you have sent the email to the right address.

If she says she hasn't received one from you, ask if she has checked her junk or spam folder, as you sent her, because if you have made a mistake and sent her gift to a total stranger, you want to try cancelling the gift token.

Please don't just feel offended. She sounds a buy woman, was at work all day, and it is to be hoped that your son was waiting with dinner made, or dressed to go out, or to bed with her when she got home on her birthday!

I've literally just text my #1DS to say I'm stopping presents now they're all grown (40 this year) he's another who's spent nil time either speaking/texting/visiting m since lockdown and his other half took the hump at a mis-predictive text that read "don't let anyone come between us" instead of ANYTHING!!!! Meaning his refusal to be vaxxed!! I explained what happen and apologies for error but she's really sensitive apparently (!) So still in Coventry fornthat one! Nobody gives a ess aitch one tee how sensitive I am being ignored for no good reason do they can all get lost! I painted a beautiful portrait of their chihuahua for her birthday in November but no more!

Enid101 !!!!!!!!!!

Yes I think you're right, we can stress and take forever choosing, only to be met with "oh thanks" and the item being casually discarded without even being examined! I once gave what I thought a super (house of Fraser expensive!) present of a luxury satin PJ set and matching housecoat for #1DS first GF in year#2 of their relationship , she ripped open said "oh that's nice I'll look at it later" whaaaa?! I felt like grabbing it back! I've done with presents, it means nought to anyone but little'uns bless them.

Dickens

As others have said, I think you are expecting too much from your DIL.

She works - her day is not her own for the most part - and she will possibly have received numerous other text messages apart from your email. She will also have other commitments when she gets home from work.

I don't think some people understand that it's not always possible to stop what you are doing and respond immediately to an email or text message. Especially if you are at work.

My DIL is very slow at responding over the 'net... but I know she is busy, and don't hold it against her or think that she's uncaring / not bothering / ungrateful... she's just busy. There are only so many hours in the day, and sometimes, they're just not enough!

I think you're being too generous here. It takes a second to say thank you. How would she like it if you were "too busy" to get a present/card/babysit, etc etc. The generations that have everything on tap are far too casual about remembering simple manners

To be honest, I'd rather get a 'proper' thank you a week or 2 later, or even after she's been to the spa, than her feeling she has to immediately respond despite not having had the experience yet.
My MIL never writes a thank-you to my children for presents they get or make her (my eldest spent every evening for a fortnight painting an amazing portrait for her of a much loved pet last year, my son has baked, made jams, and my other daughter has made jewellery) yet if they don't write 2 page thank-you letters for a voucher within 2 days, all hell breaks loose.
Cut the girl some slack - her birthday should be a time for her to enjoy, not worry about instant thank you letters.

Maybe she is waiting until she has been to the Spa or whatever and will send you a thanks with what a lovely time she’s had.

Give her a bit of time, perhaps she was busy at work and then her husband had planned something for her birthday. If there is no response you have a couple of options. Ask her if the gift was something that she enjoyed, ignore next birthday on the basis of her expectations. Spas don't come cheap.