To say what more can we do?

We are trying to do the opposite. Show she is trusted.
Maybe she never will trust us and we have to accept this which is really sad as it is all just a misunderstanding. I did tell her that my husbands communication style is not very good and yes, this sort of thing has happened before with others. She has most interaction with him so want them to get on well but it seems it can't happen due to this incident which as I say, is just sad.

You've obviously done your best to rectify things. You can't really do any more. If the children are happy with the nanny that's the main thing. And they're lucky to have loving grandparents providing them with a secure home when their parents are unable to.
Everyone makes mistakes. Stop beating yourself up.

I think it would be too much responsibility for her to have the key. What if something went wrong or you actually were burgled? She would feel responsible. I wouldn’t worry about it,though.

A second out the mouth is a lifetime in the head.
She felt like she was being accused,as would i in her shoes.
I would be giving you the keys back 100%.
Your husband never attended charm school then.

What’s done is done and can’t be undone. Once that seed of distrust was sown there was no going back. I think all you can do is try to act normally and stop trying to get her to take the keys in an effort to show you trust her. She will probably leave when she can find another position, as would I, and there’s nothing you can do to change that or turn the clock back.

You have my sympathy Stars . My husband is usually very considerate but occasionally has major foot in mouth moments when other people are antagonised and the healing process takes ages.
What's done is done. I would stop scratching at the wound and just hope for the best.
I have to say when I'm asked to care for neighbours' homes and gardens while they are away my heart sinks. Something always goes wrong on my watch!

Then, OP, your dh needs to learn to address his communication handicap.

It is up to your dh for this not to happen again instead of trying to convince somebody that you trust her.

For goodness sake leave her alone. In her shoes I’d tell u to st*ff the key too.
Get a burglar alarm installed if you worry about house whilst you are away. She’s not responsible for your house!
Why are you turning this into an industry? Move on.

They are trying to demonstrate to the nanny that they trust her enough to give her the key to their house while they're away. It was for her benefit not their's. OP I think you are getting a rather hard time on here.

I can’t see anything wrong with asking other people who have access to your home, questions if you think you may have been burgled. I suppose it’s how you do it though.

In my opinion, I wouldn’t leave her the responsibility for your house when you’re away, at any time, regardless of whether you think she has been stealing or not.

It’s a shame the communication has broken down, but this in itself would probably make me think it’s time to get a new nanny.

Yes, we probably do need to consider getting a new nanny.
It just makes me uncomfortable that there are clearly trust issues here and who wants that with the set up we have. There has to be trust, complete trust on both sides. She doesn't trust us so it cannot work.

Not sure how it’s to the nanny’s benefit that she has a key while owners are away on holiday. It’s a responsibility for her and given what has happened can understand why she would not want this again,

Perhaps OP have a word with her yourself to see how she feels about staying or leaving and if you have to find a new nanny
suggest your husband is less involved on case he puts his foot into it again.

OP
She cannot trust you for a reason - stop putting the fault of this situation on her.

It is on you and your dh

Poor nanny.

What concerns me is that you are modeling this behaviour for your gc. I hope they know this is not acceptable

granzilla - being Jewish has nothing at all to do with my story. I was just adding a detail, that’s all. No offence meant …apologies, if I have caused upset to anyone

Husband sees her 90% of the time if not more. Just the way things are. This is why it cannot work long term because she doesn't trust him. That's been proven this week and it will not change.
I am not blaming her. It's just frustrating because we do trust her, of course we do.

Yes, t ou barely blaming her things are not the way you would like them to be - full trust on you again

It is clearly written in your posts- questioning consistently why she doesnt get the key, she doesn't understand it's a trust gesture....

You are clearly blaming her.....

Just curious but unless he works from home if your husband is there 90% of the time why do you need a nanny?
If you and the children are happy with her you both need to sit and talk with her to see how she feels, rather than just wondering about trust issues she may or may not have,

And stop talking about her having house keys while you are away,

Yes I know about never starting a sentence with And

I meant he is the one who interacts with her as he is the one who sees her where as I am still at work

It has occurred to me that the story about what the husband said is a distraction. The essence of the story is this: you asked the nanny to have a key to your house while you're away; she said no.

That's all there is to it. Show her respect by giving her credit for meaning what she said.

And is this the first time that there is a miscommunication between your dh and nanny, given that he is there mostly all the time?
I doubt it

crazyH my response to that comment would have been "Do you think that is why I visit you?"

That would have given your friend the chance to explain/realise her poor wording/ admit that was her thinking.

I too wondered about the relevance of "Jewish"

Stars I am afraid your Nanny is unlikely to ever really accept your husbands comments as "just poorly worded!" for all the reasons that Monica and others mentioned.

The problem is your husbands responsibility not your Nanny's and sadly it is something that probably can never be rectified.