To say what more can we do?

StarsAreAligned

As I said, we made it clear we did not suspect her and yes, we do think it was the kids which I said to her afterwards. My husband never suspected her. He was just chatting about it but I explained afterwards how it felt to her.
I just feel sad that even now after some months have passed, she still feels the same. She was never for one moment suspected of theft.

If she wasn’t suspected, why did your husband ask her about locking up on a day she wasn’t there?!

So you don't trust. her to take a key home with her when she is working but you want her to keep one whilst you are on holiday? You have a seriously twisted attitude.

As I said, we made it clear we did not suspect her and yes, we do think it was the kids which I said to her afterwards. My husband never suspected her. He was just chatting about it but I explained afterwards how it felt to her.
I just feel sad that even now after some months have passed, she still feels the same. She was never for one moment suspected of theft.

I think this attitude vividly illustrates how little respect is given to the people who look after children. Can you imagine any other position where someone would expect you to look after their house for them?

I absolutely would not work somewhere when I had been suspected of theft.
Who needs that kind of shadow cast over them?

StarsAreAligned

Yes, we probably do need to consider getting a new nanny.
It just makes me uncomfortable that there are clearly trust issues here and who wants that with the set up we have. There has to be trust, complete trust on both sides. She doesn't trust us so it cannot work.

Now you’re going to fire her because your husband screwed up and accused her??

Poor nanny

StarsAreAligned

It was clumsy of my husband but he definitely was not accusing her, just making conversation. It came out wrong that's all. It's obvious we trust her as she has sole care of the most precious things in our lives, our grandchildren.
She has a key on days she is working but leaves it behind each night. So for example, takes it of a morning, leaves it at night.
As for the responsibility aspect, the chances are we wouldn't have needed her to go to the house but wanted to prove we trusted her.
I just find it frustrating that we can't get her to believe in the fact we trust her and that it was just clumsiness on my husbands part that made it sound like she was being accused that time.

So you wanted to show her you trusted her by asking her to do unpaid work?

You need to hire a house sitter.

Don’t be surprised if she’s looking for another job

I’m curious to know if OP ever discovered who scuffed the laptop and misplaced the jewellery. Was it by any chance the grandchildren?

She is employed as a Nanny looking after the children. Your house is not her responsibility, it is yours. You practically accused her of stealing and now you think she should do what you want to show that she trusts you, and if she doesn't do what you want, it is her fault because she doesn't trust you.
If you want someone to look after your house pay someone.
Trust is earned and you blew it. It will take time to rebuild.
If she is a good nanny and the children like her don't even think of getting rid of her, you've treated her badly enough anyway.

It is clear that your husband conveyed to the nanny that - as her employer - he suspected her of being involved in a break in that he "felt" might have occurred on the basis of a scuff on a laptop and some "missing" jewellery that turned up (and was misplaced by you/him?).

It is a really serious accusation to make on no evidence - and let's be clear that it is never a "friendly chat" when it occurs as a employer-subordinate conversation. So I can really understand that she does not want the responsibility of having your keys when you are away given the evidence that she has that your H has a propensity to leap to unfounded conclusions. I am surprised that you do not understand her reluctance and are trying to put the blame on her for the situation.

Stars I am afraid your Nanny is unlikely to ever really accept your husbands comments as "just poorly worded!" for all the reasons that Monica and others mentioned.

The problem is your husbands responsibility not your Nanny's and sadly it is something that probably can never be rectified.

crazyH my response to that comment would have been "Do you think that is why I visit you?"

That would have given your friend the chance to explain/realise her poor wording/ admit that was her thinking.

I too wondered about the relevance of "Jewish"

And is this the first time that there is a miscommunication between your dh and nanny, given that he is there mostly all the time?
I doubt it

It has occurred to me that the story about what the husband said is a distraction. The essence of the story is this: you asked the nanny to have a key to your house while you're away; she said no.

That's all there is to it. Show her respect by giving her credit for meaning what she said.

I meant he is the one who interacts with her as he is the one who sees her where as I am still at work

Yes I know about never starting a sentence with And

And stop talking about her having house keys while you are away,

Just curious but unless he works from home if your husband is there 90% of the time why do you need a nanny?
If you and the children are happy with her you both need to sit and talk with her to see how she feels, rather than just wondering about trust issues she may or may not have,

You are clearly blaming her.....

Yes, t ou barely blaming her things are not the way you would like them to be - full trust on you again

It is clearly written in your posts- questioning consistently why she doesnt get the key, she doesn't understand it's a trust gesture....

Husband sees her 90% of the time if not more. Just the way things are. This is why it cannot work long term because she doesn't trust him. That's been proven this week and it will not change.
I am not blaming her. It's just frustrating because we do trust her, of course we do.

granzilla - being Jewish has nothing at all to do with my story. I was just adding a detail, that’s all. No offence meant …apologies, if I have caused upset to anyone

OP
She cannot trust you for a reason - stop putting the fault of this situation on her.

It is on you and your dh

Poor nanny.

What concerns me is that you are modeling this behaviour for your gc. I hope they know this is not acceptable

Not sure how it’s to the nanny’s benefit that she has a key while owners are away on holiday. It’s a responsibility for her and given what has happened can understand why she would not want this again,

Perhaps OP have a word with her yourself to see how she feels about staying or leaving and if you have to find a new nanny
suggest your husband is less involved on case he puts his foot into it again.

Yes, we probably do need to consider getting a new nanny.
It just makes me uncomfortable that there are clearly trust issues here and who wants that with the set up we have. There has to be trust, complete trust on both sides. She doesn't trust us so it cannot work.