Is he using porn sites?

I’d suggest she parks the email problem and gives herself a new email address.

Interesting that his behaviour has changed for the better but it sounds as though he definitely has something on his mind. Lots of men, DH included finds it very difficult to talk about his worries.

Perhaps she could try chatting to him about how she’s feeling about the relationship eg shut out, lonely etc. This may prompt a response but not necessarily but it could be worth a try.

Husbands a partners not sharing their problems, worries etc can be very upsetting. At least you are there for her and she can unload on you which may also help. In my experience, these worries can take on a life of their own so keep an eye on her mental health.

I did read earlier in the pandemic that it had been thought that people WFH would have a lot more sexual activity but that in fact the opposite has turned out to be true. Of course he may well be accessing porn as a vast number of the population apparently do but could it also be a mental stuck at home problem.

luluaugust, I agree that it could well be anxiety/depression - as it's been a tough time for everyone recently.

Strange, I never get spam about dubious stuff despite being online far more than I should be.
I think it is lovely that your daughter feels able to confide in you. Well done as a mum Jezra, you have clearly done an excellent job.
Had it been my daughter I would have advised forcing the husband to discuss their problem and if he refuses ask him to leave.
I do hope they work it out.

It seems like the one and only solution is to talk - which he's refusing to do.

Your daughter is in an awful situation. She knows there's a problem, doesn't know what it is, knows what she should do about it, but can't.

Whatever the issue is, and however much her husband doesn't want to communicate, things will only get worse if he doesn't open up. And that's really, really unfair - she's left to bear the burden and, basically, shut up about it.

Personally, I think it's time for an ultimatum. Either he talks, or she walks. Does he really expect her to simply accept this without any explanation? However difficult it might be for him to open up, he's being very, very selfish.

I get all those dodgy emails too, they come in waves, ands yes its because that email address has been harvested from somewhere. I tracked down two of the hacked addresses to friends of mine who have since died so I can't even go to them and tell them their address was hacked and to change it. The emails and her husbands behaviour probabaly are not linked and she wouldn't get the emails unless they share an email address.....but having said that they do have some kind of problem and need to talk about it.

Men are just not very good at talking about their problems. If it was me I would wait until he was in position where it wasn’t very easy to get away from you and you start talking about the problem, don’t do it by asking questions but saying what the problem is and what you think.

I’m a bit confused as to whether they both have their own email addresses, because if he’s investigating porn from his own email address why would she get the associated spam ?

However, that aside, without the change in behaviour, I would have said, as other posters have, that spam like this is as a result of harvesting email addresses from other sources. But it does sound as though he’s having some problems related to potency or sex drive and he’s possibly been trying various things to turn himself on. He’s obviously not succeeding and is becoming more reluctant to discuss it as a result.

I think issuing ultimatums is counter productive and quite cruel to be honest - men are crap at seeking advice for any kind of medical problems, let alone something so intimate. Having said that she needs to be firm and insist that he tell her what the problem is so that he can get the appropriate help he needs - and stress that whatever it is, it’s better faced together, than him carrying on like this alone.

Phew. Who knows jezra but I would butt out. Nothing to do with you no matter what the opinion is here. Leave your daughter to figure out. Some things in a marriage can’t be sorted by a 3rd party.

Perhaps your daughter could tempt him to enjoy some sex without penetration. E.g. massage or oral.