Is he using porn sites?

They need to talk. The problem could well be medical and he is using the porn sites as an alternative but they need to talk and if there is a problem, next step would be medical advice from a Dr.

It sounds pretty clear cut to me.
Who on earth other than him is subscribing to Gang Bang Girls?
It's for her and him to sort out between them, though.
You can't make things right; she has to.

Thanks Barmeyoldbat. Yes, they do need to talk but he refuses point blank.

She needs to communicate with him that refusing to talk isn't an option in an equal partnership.
That is a ridiculous stance to take when it is something that is undermining their relationship.

You’re right MissAdventure. It’s for them to sort out and I’ve not interfered, only listened. But she is in despair. I feel helpless. That’s why I asked the question on gransnet to see what other people thought.

MissAdventure, I agree. It’s a ridiculous stance for him to take.

Yes, I understand.
Hopefully others will have more advice.
Mine would be to set a deadline for "the talk," and if he doesn't then his bags will be packed.
For me it would be the refusal to talk just as much as the porn use.

If the email address belongs to her (rather than him) then she wouldn't receive junk mail related to what he uses the computer for. That's just plain silly.

Yes, they need to talk - but the emails are a different problem and she's connected them, having limited knowledge of computers.

Why somebody would discuss their sex life with their mother is beyond me.

As this poor chap seems to have been tried - and found guilty (hanged, even) - by all the above, here's a guide to email hackers/spammers:

Somebody you know gets hacked

Hackers harvest their email contacts info (including yours)

They use the email addresses - and sell them to other hackers/spammers

(Never try to unsubscribe, never click on a link, as they will send more, knowing this is an active address)

Solution? Create a new email address and stop using the hacked one.

Thank you Hetty58. She doesn’t share info on her sex life with me as a rule. She is genuinely worried and upset.
It could well be that their computer has been compromised by a hacker but that still doesn’t explain his odd behaviour. However, It’s their problem really. I don’t want to get any more involved and certainly don’t want my SILaw to realise my DD has been talking to me.

I regularly get 'suggestive' emails form buxom females who want me to connect with them.

I have a Christian name that is predominantly female in the West, but male elsewhere.

I promise I don't visit dodgy websites, so at least explore all options before finding him guilty!

Flossiebo, same here, in my junk mail there's sometimes a sexy female wanting to connect - or a special offer on 'male enhancements' so I just block them.

I only get dodgy emails if I've been looking at dodgy stuff.
I have a taste for the bizarre, and sometimes they spark up a flurry of sex related emails.

MissAdventure, I never look at 'dodgy stuff' myself (not interested) so I know they are sent randomly too.

Well named MissAdventure?

Thanks!

I once looked up vaginal dryness online and started getting emails for penile lengthening, erectile disjunction, Russian wives and for being a naughty girl who needs correcting. None of which was what I needed. It could be possible he’s looking for help for sexual matters and he’s getting bombarded with ads. If she can’t talk to him then why doesn’t she write him a letter. That could at least open lines of communication.

If the man is behaving the way he is and some dodgy mail is coming into her account it is not unreasonable to make a link.

Has his wife told him about the mail she is receiving.

Another possible explanation, is that he is suffering from erectile disfunction and is too embarrassed to talk to doctors about it and is trying to use pornography as a cure.

Here is a high risk strategy. The lady in queston should buy some viagra or one of those cures for erectile difunction advertised on tv. She discusses their lack of intimacy, asks whether if he is suffering from erectile disfunction and say he doesn't have to see a doctor, there are pills availabl and you have bought some. I imagine his response to this will be explosive, but it might get him talking. As I said, high risk

I have never been on any porn sites but have mail in my spam that relates to porn so that is by no means any proof that he is up to anything.

Maybe they are just going through a bad patch or he doesn’t feel the same about her anymore.

Without hearing his side of how he sees the relationship you cannot judge that he is at fault.

The only way anything will change is if they talk and if he won't then the next step is probably separation.

I have never accessed porn on my iPad or computer and no one else has used them. Yet I get these dodgy emails all the time in my junk mail. I really think they are just random, sent out by the trillion to addresses acquired on the Dark Web. The subject matter seems to focus on one topic ie bust or penis enhancements for a few weeks then move on to selling bitcoins. I just delete them without opening them.

So it’s not necessarily linked to searches being made by the husband on their computer.

I think the poor man probably has a problem with a dodgy ‘what’s it’ (hence the lack of sex) and has looked something up and is now deluged with these emails So no MissA it’s certainly not clear cut ….if you look in your junk you ll probably find plenty in yours
I ve had weeks of bitcoin emails in mine and I ve never looked anything up about bitcoins Before I had an iPad (this catches them all really well) I used to get all sorts of penis enlarger and girls from Russia emails and I m into neither honest) ?

I get lots of emails telling me how to get a better erection, where to find girls etc. No one else uses my iPad, I don’t visit that type of site and have a very female sounding name.
His change in behaviour could be for many different reasons, he could be suffering from erectile dysfunction, many men find that difficult to talk about to anyone including their partners and he could be being extra nice to make up for what he perceives to be a failure on his part.

DH uses Car auction websites, his mates send him links to Car Auction websites and car parts websites, we are all inundated with dubious junk Mail, but it just gets deleted.
DH now has his own email address but I still get all of this rubbish.
I also get ‘free vouchers’, free offers, holiday offers etc.from well known American supermarkets and U.K. holiday sites, once you have logged onto their websites they inundate you with junk.
Again, all in the junk mail file so it gets deleted unread.

I get loads of dodgy emails and I don't go on dodgy websites. I just delete them, never try to unsubscribe. I wouldn't agree with buying Viagra for him, that could be dangerous. I would only ever take drugs prescribed by my doctor.
The only solution to this is for them to talk. If he won't then I would suggest she gives him an ultimatum that she will leave if he doesn't talk and speak medical advice.