AIBU to not disclose compensation

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Some people find this sort of stuff essential, others not so much, or not at all.
I'd love some bugger to give me an allowance!

Germanshepherdsmum

I kind of understand where he’s coming from if he’s been the sole breadwinner during your long marriage though a divorce court wouldn’t agree with me. I would find it very hard to think of money my husband earned and saved as ‘our’ savings. But that’s just me and I have always worked outside (as well as inside) the home. If he pays the electricity bill then in your position I would feel duty bound to hand over/disclose the cheque. I don’t believe in financial secrets between husband and wife, which before anyone leaps on those words isn’t a contradiction of what I said at the outset.

My husband was the sole breadwinner, me being a stay at home mum. He was able to have children, and someone to look after them. I did everything round the house. He had a very good career.

It suited us both. He was rewarded financially, and therefore so was I. I was rewarded by being with my children from the start to when they all left and pursued their own lives, and therefore so was he.

The idea of one of us withholding anything from the other is ridiculous. We were...and still are...a team.

Calistemon

Husband pays for food and i dont abuse it, never, i buy what is needed end of.

Seriously, what we have is our joint money not his, or mine, and I wouldn’t be happy with the imbalance in your finances.

DiscoDancer1975

I can’t begin to understand this ‘ mine/ yours’ scenario, so can’t really answer. He sounds like a bully....sorry.

This a financially abusive marriage

I'm getting worried now - all DH's income goes into our joint account and all mine goes into my own.

It seems to work. He pays all essential bills, I pay for holidays, clothes, presents etc.

Germanshephetd
Nooo credit card, whoaaa that would be a no, no.

I pay for everything out of my benefit money and £100 month, the money i am awarded for being disabled is less than £100 a month which i am extremely grateful for believe you me.

It does seem very old-fashioned to me, Serendipity22 but do you have any other income apart from the £100 per month?
The cheque will have to be paid into your account of course and I would mention it as a prelude to a general discussion about perhaps opening a joint account for household expenses etc and maybe keeping an account each.
Who pays for food? Does your DH shop or always go with you food shopping?

£100 a month gies nowhere these days. A lunch out with a friend would wipe out a weeks pocket money . A couple of glasses of wine? £15 ? Hard to believe but you sound happy or having a laugh.
I had a friend with a wealthy dh, they had a very comfortable life with every luxury. She stayed home through the marriage and he gave her an allowance, but she used his cards fir everything she wanted, and she wanted a lot.
Trouble is she never had money when it came to her turn to pay for lunch.
Is that you Sue? Ha ha.
As for the cheque ..... obvs up to you.

I can’t begin to understand this ‘ mine/ yours’ scenario, so can’t really answer. He sounds like a bully....sorry.

I said my view was just the way I felt riverwalk and that it wouldn’t be the view of a divorce court. Even with a child to look after I also had to work to pay the bills and buy food. As do many women. I realise OP wasn’t well enough to work, my situation was different.

Thank you for allllll your replies, whoaaaa im pull up here, i will mull it all over ( and get a headache in the process )

Thank you again

I think whether or not you keep this cheque is the tip of the iceberg.

How anyone can say that money in the bank is theirs after their partner is disabled and is physically unable to contribute is beyond me.

Presumably you keep your benefits and your husband gives you this £100 a month, do you have to cover all your expenditure - all clothes, hair etc - out of your income and keep any surplus? Or do you have a credit card as well that he pays off?

Germanshepherdsmum

I kind of understand where he’s coming from if he’s been the sole breadwinner during your long marriage though a divorce court wouldn’t agree with me. I would find it very hard to think of money my husband earned and saved as ‘our’ savings. But that’s just me and I have always worked outside (as well as inside) the home. If he pays the electricity bill then in your position I would feel duty bound to hand over/disclose the cheque. I don’t believe in financial secrets between husband and wife, which before anyone leaps on those words isn’t a contradiction of what I said at the outset.

A 'sole-breadwinner' is surely only able to be in that position because a wife (usually) is the main caregiver for the children and runs the household, so it's a joint-venture and both should have access to all funds, IMO.

Yes a divorce court wouldn't agree with you, for very good reasons.

Legally, once you are married your assets and earnings are shared - or at least that is how a divorce court would see it.

I find it difficult to envisage how any marriage works where when one person becomes disabled, the other treats all the money coming into the household as 'theirs'. What about 'for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health'?

However money is banked and physically managed in a family. If the underlying principle is not of a shared resource for a household, I would think the marriage was abusive.

Your husband gives you £25 a week to live on !!!! You d barely get a monthly hair cut on that blimey he’s a tight wad but
you ve obviously accepted it and lived with it for a loooong time so that’s your choice
If it’s your name pay into your bank and don’t think twice, do you imagine he tells you about every penny
If this is the worst you’ve ever done, I wouldn’t beat yourself up too much, enjoy it, and buy yourself something lovely
I couldn’t bear with a capital BEAR to have my money eeeked out in such a mean mannered way I hope you doff your cap when you receive it each month

Hahahahaha, its only a small amount ( the compensation check ) its not thousands, its less than £300.

I appreciate all your replies, i have to say that i am still toying with the idea to keep.

Germanshepherds thank you for your reply. I used to work and contribute to the household bills then i became ill and could no longer work....

If you have to pay it into your bank then that could incur a handling charge for your trouble, perhaps?
A couple of thousand? Or one, even?

MissAdventure

Haaaaaaaa

MerylStreep no, i am not saying i need more money because a) i have a benefit allowance due to my illness and b) i am extremely careful what i spend my money on......

Yes, it does point in the direction of being sneaky i agree....

She's planning to nick his cheque.
We're just helping.

I kind of understand where he’s coming from if he’s been the sole breadwinner during your long marriage though a divorce court wouldn’t agree with me. I would find it very hard to think of money my husband earned and saved as ‘our’ savings. But that’s just me and I have always worked outside (as well as inside) the home. If he pays the electricity bill then in your position I would feel duty bound to hand over/disclose the cheque. I don’t believe in financial secrets between husband and wife, which before anyone leaps on those words isn’t a contradiction of what I said at the outset.

This check is the tip of the iceberg

This a financially abusive marriage - what are you planning to do about it?

Riverwalk i apologies for shocking you and others ( haha oooops ) but i can assure you it is 100% true, i guess i am just used to it now, but periodic the annoyance does leap from its slumber sleep with a ROAR ..... but i can assure you, the ROAR causes absolutely no fear or change of heart..