AIBU or is my DH being unreasonable!

I'd be more concerned that your husband will respect your feelings about other people but not this one friend. I can't think of anyone (maybe with the exception of my vulnerable adult child) that would come before my husband's feelings. What is the unbreakable bond with this man?

Good posts from naughtynanny and amalegra while I was composing mine.

Totally agree Amalegra

I think sazz1 has made some valid points. It's impossible to keep completely safe from covid unless you isolate completely from other people. This is not really practicable or desirable over long periods of time but if people want to do everything they can think of to stay safe, that's up to them.

The OP's problem is that the person she lives with doesn't want to restrict his socialising as much as she would like him to. I think neither she nor her husband are being unreasonable. I sympathise with both their viewpoints.

It certainly isn't a clear choice between reasonable and unreasonable as far as I'm concerned.

Just to get some perspective on this.
Given that vaccinated people can still get Covid, and pass it on, as well as UNvaccinated people, ( as Boris has told you when trying to sell his boosters) isn't it still a pretty level playing field. Your OH might get it and pass it on to his unvaxxed friend. Who's to say it will be the other way round.

As I've said before on here, the mantra of 'you won't get it so bad if you're vax'd...' is unprovable. How can anyone know if they have it 'less bad' than anyone else, there is no score chart, no bar that can be set to police this. How many more times will an unvaccinated person cough, than you, the vaccinated one. If the vaccine was offering so much protection, why isn't it working, why are people still getting Covid, how many more jabs will you need. Number 4 is on it's way.

At the moment, there are still 15.3 million eligible people who have chosen not to be vaccinated. If you count into that eligible school-aged children over 12, the figure jumps dramatically. (Don't be fooled by the Government figures quoted of 6.1 million).

These include those amazing unvaxxed NHS staff, who were being applauded on Thursday nights last year and now face losing their jobs in April, but oh wait a minute they are good enough to see us through the winter months when the flu virus will do its worse but will be shown the door in April.

Don't you think that if these Mum's and Dads, sisters, brothers etc, are faced with losing their jobs, their livelihoods, their careers, just on a matter of principle, they would reconsider?

There is a reason they are choosing not to be vaccinated. And let's face it if anyone is in a position to make an informed choice, they are.

If you did, unfortunately, end up in hospital stuck down with Covid, and a lovely, qualified unvaccinated nurse helped keep you alive, would you be worried then if she was vaccinated or not.

There is a damn good reason these NHS nurses and Doctors, are choosing NOT to have this vaccine, along with the other 15.+ million others.

Covid is not going to go away but will hopefully morph into something akin to the common cold according to some of our more pragmatic scientists. Even colds/ ‘flu are well known to be risky to the vulnerable. However it will be impossible in the future to ascertain the exact vaccination status of everyone we meet through work, leisure or accident. We don’t know what other vaccines individuals have received, after all and therefore have accepted risks of this kind previously (eg shingles/rubella) . We must protect ourselves by vaccination if we see fit, although it is a democratic right to disagree with vaccination in our free society at present, a right I personally would hate to see lost, paving the way as it may for other and unconnected impositions. Lateral flow tests when available are a further way of reassuring oneself and others that precautionary measures are being taken. I myself am fully vaccinated, make proper use of tests (when I can get them!) and behave sensibly as much as I can. A major result of Covid seems to be divisions of all sorts in our society and personally I think these are going to take much longer to disperse than the danger of the virus itself.

Did you miss the fact that the friend is an anti-vaxxer Sue? You might find keeping safe annoying. A lot of us don’t.

My DD was fully vaccinated and caught Delta. She was still very ill. So vaccinated and unvaccinated people can catch it, spread it and still be very ill.
Really don't think you are at any greater risk with meeting anyone who is not vaccinated or is vaccinated. Just will often, but not always, get much sicker without the vaccine. But my friend is antivax, caught it and its very mild for her.
The only way not to catch this virus is to stay in alone.
People who are vaccinated often feel safer to mix in crowded places. I'm convinced this is how it's still spreading.
So yes I do think YABU as your OH and yourself can catch it from anyone you mix with vaccinated or not

He seems to be unduly influenced by his moronic friend?
Does he genuinely believe that by being responsible, sensible and empathetic to your feelings, he will lose the friendship of the idiot?
If so, it’s a pretty rotten friendship.
Is the risk of losing the friendship worth more than his and your health and your feelings?
If he understands the pandemic, safety measures, precautions etc, why is he abandoning everything for the sake of someone who clearly doesn’t care about himself or anyone else?
You need to have a very serious talk.

I think all the concerns about‘keeping safe’ are annoying
The health minister has said we need to live alongside this virus
It will probably be with us forever in one form or another
Agreed on vaccination needed but the collateral damage will be massive if we keep on with social distancing and staying away from all risks. These include loneliness, depression. Domestic violence and child protection issues have rocketed since we all stayed away from each other
Life is a big risk for goodness sake
I’m 67 and don’t intend to hibernate away
Best wishes

Ask him if he wants you to die if infected via him and his loony friend.

I’d make him do regular LFT’s if he insists on seeing them. I do these and I don’t mix with anti Vader’s (to my knowledge). Not much you can do if he’s refuses to acknowledge your fears. I’d just be wary of his inconsiderate behaviour creeping into general everyday life.

If you’re waiting for covid to be over then you could be waiting a few more years yet .

Jesra - I do feel sorry for you.

There are a lot of 'men' out there who think they are being 'brave' in joining in with the leads at football/rugby matches, going to the pub, not wearing masks (sorry, I mean 'face coverings'!) so as not to lose face.

The macho bravado of not wearing a mask I don't get at all - what on earth do they think will happen to them - do they suddenly become less of a man, or emasculated. That's just childish and stupid.

Meeting someone face to face is nice, but we don't live in normal times, and we need to be considerate for others' feelings and anxieties. Some people - Jacob Rees-Mogg for example - believe that because they are "all friends" then this virus cannot harm them.

As someone else has said - each is entitled to their opinion - however stupid, including anti-vaxers, but they need help, and I would not knowingly want to be in the same warehouse space as somebody that stupid.

Nope ! You’re not being unreasonable, he is ! And his friends are nitwits !!

Perhaps you might decide to put in some 'in house' protection for yourself if he is not listening to your concerns very well.

So separate bedrooms as suggested by a PP. Also he can do his own food prep, washing and cooking as you might decide to do your own and not eat with him to minimise the risk to yourself. Use a separate loo too if you have one.

I think I might have decided to keep myself 2m away from him at all times.

How unconsiderate he is.

He is putting you in a terrible situation because he may well infect you. It is his friend who is putting their friendship at risk, not you.

They meet outside and inside the friends’ home. However, it’s strange because my DH will follow all the guidelines when mixing with others, yet with this friend it all gets forgotten about and they act as normal, no physical distancing, no mask wearing, etc
If I mention that I’m not happy with the situation my OH says that I am putting him in an terrible situation as it is a very long friendship that he doesn’t want to end. He can’t seem to get it into his head that I don’t want him to end his friendship just change it for now to accommodate the Covid risk!

I absolutely do not think you are unreasonable at all! As others have said I could not socialise with an anti vaxxer or Covid denier so maybe my view is clouded.

I understand your worry and it must be so hard to have this constantly in your home.

Unfortunately Covid is not going to go away. So I think the other posters suggestions of working around his social interactions are good.
Will he do routine LFTs? Do they meet outside or in a location with good ventilation?

Yes, I would do separate rooms for starters. How about asking him to do LFTs? Not easy, this....... Good luck.

You have asked your husband not to mix with his anti-vaxxer friend and he has refused.
How closely do they mix; I am assuming sharing sport, a hobby, meeting at the Pub?
You need to take action, and the first thing would be to move him into the spare room, not the sofa because you sit there.

That said, this is ridiculous, because he is putting his need for his friend's physical company above your joint welfare.
I suspect he doesn't want to lose face with his friend, who as he is stupid enough to be anti-vaccine, won't hold back on the insults.

NotTooOld,Some vaccinated people in hospital not plenty.

The last figures I saw said 80% unvaccinated, 20% vaccinated, most wth underlying medical problems.

Otherwise, I think both or neithat are being unreasonable depending on how you look at it. Being unvaccinated does not mean that you are therefore a constant source of the COVID virus. if your husband wears a mask and keeps a social distance and meets his friend outdoors, the risk is probably no higher than if he met anyone else.

Personally, the words 'friend' and 'antivaxxer' do not go together in my lexicon.Someone cannot be both.

I have been reminded that the Delta Variant is still around and been told that the majority of the unvaccinated in ICUs are in fact suffering from Delta. It hasn't gone away.

I understand up to 80% of patients in hospital have not been vaccinated.
I woukd be very unhappy in your situation. Dh and I don’t always agree on things but in this we do. He currently is positive and feeling dreadful, but he would be much worse if he hadn’t had his 3 vaccinations, ,

Has you husband no concern for your welfare? How selfish of him.