Holiday with another couple

Lie and say you're going away with family

This makes me smile...... My husband wasn't overly keen on joint holidays but he did like the couple involved. When I ran the suggestion past him he okay'd it with the one proviso that we had to have one whole day completely apart from each other and that day should be nominated beforehand set out and adhered to.

We like going away for our main holiday on our own but have had many successful long weekends away with friends. Why cant you go off on your own when your friends want to sit by the pool? Alternatively agree before you go that every other day will be for you on your own. My DS went away with a friend and told her she would only see her for dinner. We found going on arranged tours with friends was good too because there are always other people to talk to (if you like them).

Continued!.... I ran this past my pal and she thought it very unfriendly and decided to confront him. Fine by me. We're talking friends here. Upshot was, we did the trip with the 'day' and I remember it as being very successful and lots of fun. Neither I not my pal's partner were privy to the conversation, by the way.

Sorry - sometimes you just have to be honest and say no. One of my dearest friends has tried to join holidays specifically arranged for me and my DD on our own and we have just had to take a deep breath and say no. Stand in front of the mirror and practice.

Nothing you can do if you don't want to confront the situation PinkCosmos
Otherwise time to be honest, I don't see why you should have to lie about it. Get your husband to agree and tell your friends you want this holiday alone together.
As Humbertbear said just take a deep breath and say no. The world will not end.

ExDancer - I booked and paid for the holiday about six months ago. I was unsure at the time because of Covid but took a chance assuming that it could be cancelled if needs be.

Grandmafrench Quote - (I can't get the text to italicise) "I get the impression that they don't like going away on their own at all". Absolutely. And that has to be why they are trying to muscle in on a holiday that you have already booked. You have planned your holiday and it has been planned to suit just the two of you, otherwise you'd have been discussing it with others before making any decisions! If you are not firm - and stick to it - you will have your holiday ruined. And that would be ridiculous. Hope you can see that.^*(end of quote)

We didn't tell them we were booking it. The holidays we have had with them in the past have been discussed beforehand and agreed. I thought that by us booking this holiday without telling them, they would get the hint that they were not invited.

The friend (she is a friend) is now trying to book the same hotel. I am just hoping that it is fully booked.

I don't want to fall out with them as we are good friends. I just prefer not to go on holiday with them. As I said previously, I don't feel like I can relax the same.

On a previous holiday I suggested having a day on our own but they seemed to want to be with us all the time.

I said, More than once, 'if you want to go out for dinner on your own one night that would be fine with us'. They didn't want to.

It wasn't that I wanted a romantic meal and gaze into DH's eyes. It was just to have a break from one another.

I think, in this situation, my DH and I are people pleasers and do anything for a quiet life - to our detriment!!

I think you have to sort this out with your husband and agree together a way forward that works for both of you.

I wonder if you sort of expect your wishes to be ignored/overridden - you give that impression when you say that you going off alone might look weird or sulky etc. It is like you don't really expect your wishes to be respected?? Also do you find it difficult to express your wishes/needs and stick to your guns? I think it is so easy to be pushed into agreeing things to "keep the peace" and it is so unfair!

It is entirely reasonable to want time on your own and time with just your husband! You need to keep telling yourself that as you take things forward

So discuss what you want/need with your husband and work out how you are both going to take it forward with your friends

1. *You might decide to let them come but laying down some clear guidelines on things you need to happen (non negotiable)
2. *You might decide to tell them that much as you enjoy going on holiday with them you also like to have time on holiday with just the two of you. (If this is the case, then maybe agree a future date for a break together at the same time as you tell them )

If 1. then ....

*Tell them that you enjoy having holidays with them but you need time during that holiday to do things alone or just as a couple.

If they start to get "huffy", take it personally or dismiss what you say ...tell them

"*Needing some time to ourselves is just something we like to do and we need. It is not about not wanting to spend time with you/not enjoying your company/not wanting to be away with you.
* We really need this to be part of our holiday and it is important to us that we all agree this before we go away so that we all know where we stand

If they are dismissive say:

*I/we really need this/this is important to us. I/we need you to listen and to accept that this will be part of the arrangements for the holiday

and so on.

If I suggested that we go our separate ways for a few hours they would say, No, it's fine we will come with you'.

When this happens you need to be very clear: "No, we would like to go and do * on our own. We will meet you by the bar/pool/in the lobby at * time" If you have had a version of the above conversation this will be easier to do.

Written down it can seem very stilted but the key is for both you and your husband to agree on what you want together and then to stick to your guns with your friends.

Good luck

I remember my Dad being appalled when planning their holiday with another couple. The other husband turned up the week before with a scale plan of the car boot to ensure equity of cases etc. Also, although they were going to be in hotels in France, they brought along their own instant coffee and Cornflakes. My poor parents realised that they didn't apparently know their old friends as well as they thought!

Good Lord Aveline, I think I know that couple. They also divide the restaurant bill down to the dregs of wine not drunk and weigh the fruit in the fruit bowl so that the apple I ate wasn’t bigger than hers.
I made the last bit up but I’m sure they would if they could.

These are times when I miss my dear friend of 60 years. We went everywhere together and were much like one another when it came to holidays filling in our tours and sightseeing to the brim. There'll never be another like her. We didn't ever want to " go it alone " or do our own thing separately. It was a friendship like no other.

Unless you're happy with who you're with, forget it as the holiday then is a waste of time and money.

EllanVannin sounds like you had an ideal holiday companion. So sorry to hear she's no longer with you.

I couldn’t do it even with a very very best friend I don’t even like shopping with anyone much prefer it alone so I can get on and selfishly not have to think or bend to someone else s ideas

My friend and her husband always went away with their friends for years with varying degrees of success then they started to have problems within the friendship they decided to go on their own, never thought anything much about it, just told the friends they were having a lone holiday that year in ? month at ?, deed done the other couple didn’t seem upset or annoyed or anything, just accepted it
Came the day of the holiday my friend and husband were sitting in the airport when up walked here friend and husband My friend said oh what a coincidence where are you off to ? She nearly fainted when they quoted the same country, the same town and thevsame hotel !!!
Some people are so THICK SKINBED you have to spell it out

If there's space in the hotel, can you manage to persuade some more friends to come as well? If you find making ground rules too difficult after having had previous holidays with them, can you ask another couple as well? Or even better, two other couples? It's really hard for six or eight people to hang about together all the time. We've had several successful holidays with groups of friends all doing different things according to their interests.

I don’t see any reason why PinkCosmos should have to compromise with this couple, who have absolutely no qualms in inviting themselves along to a holiday that has already been booked and paid for! They are being totally selfish. It’s a pity your husband isn’t supporting your wishes, which makes me think he would prefer them to join you. You obviously need to discuss it with him. Whatever the outcome, it’s your holiday and if you choose to go off on your own to do the things that interest you, go ahead - you’re certainly not weird. Life is too short to always be pleasing others and ignoring your own wishes.

I cannot think of anything worse than actually planning to go away with another couple.
We've been on coach and rail holidays many things and 'associated' with fellow travellers but we draw the line at planning a holiday solely with another couple.
Four years ago we went away for New Year to Holland with some family, I did all the planning, my OH did all the driving and we paid for the ferry and all the fuel, never even bought us a cup of coffee........won't be doing that again!

HI954 It's different if it's family. If it was a younger generation they probably thought that you were treating them.

PinkCosmos Can't see what the problem is if you're staying in an hotel. Don't arrange to meet them for breakfast - just have it and go out. Or breakfast in your room. Leave a note at the desk to say you'll meet them for a drink in the bar at xx time. Or, for a change, go out for breakfast.

My OH and I have been together for 54 years. We know each other inside out (well nearly) . On holiday we find lots to talk about but we know what the other thinks about music, politics, films, art etc and we have many shared tastes so on the rare occasions when we go out for a meal on our own at home we don't have much to say, apart from talk about the news and moan about Brexit sometimes.

If you’re actually organising this holiday it should be my holiday my rules. We have gone on holiday with friends over the years but always just do our own thing and just meet up as and when. We did drive round Europe in a Morris 1000 with two friends in our youth but can’t remember anything about it: only remember it because of the photos. How we fitted all our camping stuff in the car as well is beyond me. Seem to recall having a bit of an argument going up an autobahn one day, though.

Even family can be awkward. When my daughter got an inheritance she invited us all to a villa in Tuscany for a week. One of her brothers declined saying why would we want to spend a week with you lot??

We had a few holidays with friends pre kids. Never again!! We were always the ones who suggested what to do, and they tagged behind like kids.

We loved meeting people on holiday, and always had great fun. If we ever met up once home...it was never the same.

Please stand up for yourself and say ‘ no ‘. Start with your husband. Get him on side. He should care enough about you to know it’s worrying you. Then just say no . Such a easy little word. If they get the hump....they’re not friends.

Good luck, and have a good, safe holiday.

HowVeryDareYou

Lie and say you're going away with family

Oh no, don’t lie, it will come back to bite you.

Hmmmm despite the fact everyone gets on for the short period of time that they are in each others company, i think a holiday is a completely different scenario.

I have been on separate holidays with friends who are class as super, loyal friends, 1 was an utter dream, fun with a capital 'F' from start to finish and the other holiday was an utter nightmare with a capital 'N', hahahahaha... sooo i vowed holidays with anyone but my husband were a NO-NO.

If the suggestion of a holiday was suggested to me now ( I had suggested the previous holidays and lessons were learnt ) then i would say straight away "Thank you but no thank you." I wouldn't skirt round with excuses, whats the point!

Ooops error

who i class as super, loyal friends

kircubbin2000

Even family can be awkward. When my daughter got an inheritance she invited us all to a villa in Tuscany for a week. One of her brothers declined saying why would we want to spend a week with you lot??

How rude.

I think, after reading your last post, that you will be going with them unless, as you hope the holiday is booked. And not entirely their fault ...
If you had substituted they would get the hint that they were not invited with 'Sorry, we're off by ourselves this time, how about a weekend later in the year?'
I am just hoping that it is fully booked. Same substitution as the last one!
I said, More than once, 'if you want to go out for dinner on your own one night that would be fine with us'. They didn't want to.. Substitute with 'We're going out for dinner on our own tonight' and maybe 'Do you want to meet for drinks afterwards?' if you feel like it. As someone who doesn't read hints, I welcome, and am not at all offended by, straight speaking! They like your company. It seems your OH likes their company too, so be a bit more straightforward about how you feel and you all might enjoy your time together more.