Have you had an operation and how did your husband cope with helping you at home

Welbeck
I can assure you that the reason my OH wouldn’t do the housework that I do is because he doesn’t see it ?
As for being useless. If I asked him to fit a new kitchen, bathroom, move radiators, new decking, new windows, fix my car ( you see where I’m going with this ?) he wouldn’t bat an eyelid.
But he just wouldn’t see that the bathroom needs doing ( not that it does when I’m around)

My DH is pretty good and can turn his hand to most things but is an unadvenurous cook (he has three signature dishes) and a vacuum cleaner and duster are alien to him.

Otherwise I can't moan.
Although I did when I'd been ill, fancied scrambled eggs after not eating and they could have bounced off the plate.

Thank you for your good wishes Gransnetters. Things are going well and I feel more mobile every day. I was shown the trick with the plastic bag for the stockings and that works well to get them over the feet, it's pulling them up is the problem as they bunch up and are so tight it really hurts. Unfortunately, DH has quite fat fingers and thumbs and finds it hard to get a grip on them - any other tips would be very welcome. Welbeck, you have me all wrong, I've never been a domestic goodness (always a career woman) and he's always had to share chores. I wasn't the slightest concerned about which pillowcase but was amazed that he couldn't recognise the ones he sleeps on every night! After 38 years I'm still learning things about him. It is very frustrating not being able to do things without help but I do appreciate him and, after I snapped a bit the other day, I did apologise. I am sorry for those of you who didn't get the support. Silverlinings I do hope you don't have to wait too long, depends where you live I suppose. Mine was about six months. I hope your op goes well, really nothing to worry about.

Glad things are going well Sadgrandma Sounds like your husband is coping ok really. My husband would be fine as well as he does the shopping and cooking. Not sure how I would cope if the situation was reversed though.

He was always better at the domestic airts than me but, happily, I didn't test him too often.

MrOops has been brilliant over the years, I’ve had a couple of serious ops that meant a long convalescence and he’s done me proud!
He even drove home during his lunch break every day for almost 2 years to check I’m ok and make me something to eat, then straight back to work. 20 minutes to get home, 20 minutes to get me something to eat, then 20 minutes back to the office.
He’s always ready to run me to the hospital for check ups or the Drs.
As I’ve got another appointment on the 8th he offered straight away to take me and wait somewhere for my (at least) 2 hour procedure.
I hate it when he has to do things for me, but he is pretty good, bless him. I had to stick instructions on all the appliances for him, I didn’t worry what bedding he used, just grateful he did it.

Sadgrandma it's the small things which get to you when you're under the weather - the pillowcase with you, the bouncy scrambled eggs for me!

I hope your recovery goes well.

Aren't we women often our worst enemies. If we have accepted that housework and cooking is solely our domain- or accepted that this is what is put upon us- then why are we surprised if 40, 50 years later- this does not miraculously change???

EllanVannin

I had one who couldn't boil an egg. Thank the Lord I never needed looking after in any way. However I ended up looking after him during the last 6 years of his life and was going out to work as well.

Were you married to my first husband? I had an emergency c-section. He was hopeless. His mother had brought him up to consider that housework and cooking were women's work. In 23 years of marriage I didn't manage to change that. My current husband of almost 25 years is, unsurprisingly, the exact opposite!

Years ago I got stuck in hospital during very heavy snow. When I was finally taken home by ambulance I found my 13 year old running the household and caring for her three sisters. My husband had taken to his bed with the electric fire (no central heating) leaving the children alone for a week.

Just had a bunion op and DH is looking after me very well. Had made and frozen meals so mostly just needs to defrost and heat up but he is good at cooking too. He is escorting me up and downstairs and bringing me water to drink. Have to keep foot up for 10 days. It is quite sore since the nerve block wore off but I have 3 different painkillers so he has made me an app (would probably be easier without it but was kind - very tech person!). He takes it very seriously. Have ordered a shop from Tesco and he has managed to go to coop with my cards - self service tills flummox him for some reason - I think being very tech he tries to rush the till - never works well to rush a till ?

Germanshepherdsmum

EllanVannin

I had one who couldn't boil an egg. Thank the Lord I never needed looking after in any way. However I ended up looking after him during the last 6 years of his life and was going out to work as well.

Were you married to my first husband? I had an emergency c-section. He was hopeless. His mother had brought him up to consider that housework and cooking were women's work. In 23 years of marriage I didn't manage to change that. My current husband of almost 25 years is, unsurprisingly, the exact opposite!

Emergency section for our first too (transversal breech) - and I went home on 3rd day. No help from anyone- not from OH either, but not because he was not unable or unwilling. He was working all hours of day and night looking after other women, other births and other C sections. Could be helped.

Kali2

Aren't we women often our worst enemies. If we have accepted that housework and cooking is solely our domain- or accepted that this is what is put upon us- then why are we surprised if 40, 50 years later- this does not miraculously change???

My DH knows how to cook scrambled eggs now ?
It wasn't something he ever liked.

It's really strange. My good friend handed in some tulips today and her DH has never cooked a meal in his life and my DH DS in Australia husband can't even make a cup of coffee (can open beer!) and certainly not cook - again never has. I find it really hard to believe.

I had a schoolfriend whose mother was seriously ill with what turned ot to be terminal cancer; she had three older children and a husband all out at work. The doctor told the assembled family that the mother must stay in bed and do absolutely nothing, and they must take it in turns doing the cooking etc. The father said, 'we're not doing that, it's woman's work' whereupon the mild quiet doctor gave him a tongue-lashing worthy of a wider audience, finishing off with, 'and the first thing you can do is make your wife a cup of tea.'
Chastened, the husband said, 'I don't know where she keeps the teacups.'
Absolutely true.

Heaven knows I tried to change my first husband. The fact that he remains alone shows that other women are wiser than I (as a teenager) was. But don't you just appreciate a man who knows how to cook a meal, sympathise, do the hoovering and mop the floor!!!

Aarrghh, where is that EDIT button!

Not because he was unable

Couldn't be helped!

Sadgrandma glad you’re recovering.
I’ve not had an op, but was pretty poorly with anemia a few years ago, we were in France too. But he was great, he does all the ironing anyway, he can do the washing and cleaning if needed, but rubbish at cooking. He excelled, with gentle guidance, even liver, hasn’t done it since, I hope he won’t need to.

My bloke was practically very useful after my various operations. Food. Laundry. Even helping with my yucky wounds or vomiting post chemo. The one thing he didn't do was make his AC be quiet so I could sleep. And I'm talking practising DJ sets in the room directly above my bed.

It meant I had to go home alone, at a time when I should have been under observation in case of reactions or severe side effects.

ElaineI

It's really strange. My good friend handed in some tulips today and her DH has never cooked a meal in his life and my DH DS in Australia husband can't even make a cup of coffee (can open beer!) and certainly not cook - again never has. I find it really hard to believe.

?
I thought most Aussie males would be like that but SIL had to show me how to turn on their oven when I was left in charge of cooking dinner when DD was working late.

He then gave me a glass of wine and took over
Can't complain!

I was really impressed at how well DH looked after me after my knee replacements and hip replacement. The only thing that gave me pause for thought was when I discovered that he'd taken the duvet cover and sheets to be dry cleaned! Needless to say he only did that once.

Just heard a funny story that I thought would make you laugh. I was moaning about the blasted stockings to a friend and she said be grateful that they only have to come up to the knee now. When I had my hip operation they had to stretch up over the thighs! They kept falling down so she asked her DH to go to M&S in his lunch hour to buy her a suspender belt. He rang her and said he was lurking behind the knickers but couldn’t find one. Goodness knows what people thought he was up to. Doesn’t bear thinking about! Why he didn’t ask one of the girls in the office to get it I don’t know. I know that my DH would certainly draw the line at that, he’d die of embarrassment!

I think both sexes should be brought up to do all the basic necessities of living - cooking, cleaning, mending, childcare. The time is long past when some jobs were always done by women and some by men.

Germanshepherdsmum

My now late husband was the same.I have had two emergency sections and his attitude was "You have had a baby so what?"
His mother also brought him up to believe that housework and cooking was women's work.
He was seriously disabled with heart disease in the last years of his life, he had open heart surgery as well.Guess who cared for him through it all
It was just the way he was

I had a bout of illness when my children were very little and the Dr insisted my husband have time off work for a week or so whilst I recovered

I can still see the washing pile that was left when he went back to work, several goats could've climbed it