Have you had an operation and how did your husband cope with helping you at home

Sadgrandma

Just heard a funny story that I thought would make you laugh. I was moaning about the blasted stockings to a friend and she said be grateful that they only have to come up to the knee now. When I had my hip operation they had to stretch up over the thighs! They kept falling down so she asked her DH to go to M&S in his lunch hour to buy her a suspender belt. He rang her and said he was lurking behind the knickers but couldn’t find one. Goodness knows what people thought he was up to. Doesn’t bear thinking about! Why he didn’t ask one of the girls in the office to get it I don’t know. I know that my DH would certainly draw the line at that, he’d die of embarrassment!

Hahahahahahahahahahaha thats funnnnny.

I haven’t been in hospital apart from having the children ?but once I was very ill with tonsillitis. He left to go to work ! I had two small children, the eldest rang Grandma and said “we’re hungry” mum wasn't very impressed to say the least. When I could eat again, dh asked what I’d like to eat, I said a small sandwich, I was thinking dainty quarters, my sandwich arrived two doorstep slices of bread filled with salad !
Have to say we laugh about it now, and since he’s retired he’s much improved thank goodness.

SadGrandma I found it easiest to roll the trendy stockings up a little, get them on to ankle height then gradually unroll and smooth them upwards. They made me itchy!

BBbevan

I had a hysterectomy when I was 37. Six weeks convalescence in those days.Children were in their early teens and DH was great. Did most everything with help from the children.

How lucky you were, I had the same op at a very similar age.My husband managed the children fine who were younger than yours. When I came out he decided to go back to work. The first clue was a saw him "playing ',with the ironing board I though he was going to do some, next morning he explained how you could get it at a height to sit at and went off to work. Luckily a neighbour was taking the children to and fro from school and when she came back she found me stuck in the bath and helped me out .
Before that when I had one of the children he brought me a box of All bran and a tiny bunch of flowers that promptly died everyone else had beautiful baskets. One night I was woken by someone lifting the sheets and moving my legs around, explanation in case of blood clots it was one of his colleagues who had been told to do it by him. Clean nightware was brought in a bag with soil in the bottom it was the one I stored potatoes in and to top it all when going home, I had left a case of clothes ready, it arrived with only one shoe.

I have worn medical tights strength 3 for the last thirty years, for veins. True I can bend down so it is a lot easier for me than others but in hot weather I really struggle for 15 minutes or more, just to get one side over the heel. Wouldn’t know how to advise someone to do it for me.
My ex offered me after an operation, a take-a-way Mc-doh.

I hope your recovery is going well.
It’s now six weeks since I had my hip replacement, and now I am off the crutches at least at home I am able to do more around the house.

My husband was fine with the food shopping and meal preparation but housework got completely overlooked until I gently suggested that the bathrooms should be cleaned, the kitchen floor washed and the vacuum cleaner put to use.

I honestly think men don’t notice things like we do!

Within regard to the blasted stockings I stopped wearing them a couple of days after I came home. Even with the plastic bag trick they were such a faff for him to get on that I decided to take a chance.
Right from the start I was walking around at home on two crutches, doing the exercises religiously, and I always need to get up in the night for the loo, so I was never immobile for hours at a time. I was also given blood thining pills to take for about thirty days.

I hope you continue to make progress. It’s a fantastic operation isn’t it ? It’s so wonderful not to be in pain any longer and I feel so thankful that the operation went ahead when I got to the top of the list, having only waited five months from when I first saw the surgeon.
Not sure if there is a bit of a post code lottery but I keep reading about some poor folk waiting a couple of years.
The trouble with that is the hip continues to deteriorate which doesn’t make the surgeon’s job any easier as mine told me. Covid has caused so many problems one way or another.

Never mind Yammy you can smile about it now. When I had my first child I asked DH to bring me some lemon squash, into hospital. He bought PLJ. Bless him

Ive had both knees replaced and my ankle fused. Mr P was really good house work not so much but cooking very good. I hated being so dependant on him but with my fused ankle which was much worse than my knee replacment I had to be. I must admit I was glad when he went back to work as I got to do my own thing but saying that he has been brilliant.

My DH just doesn’t see dust, dirt or muddles. He’s completely oblivious. He doesn’t cook either despite me trying to persuade him nicely (or otherwise) for years!
I have severe heart failure and from time to time it knocks me for six so I literally struggle to do anything. He will open a tin of soup or make toast if I ask but would never initiate doing it, let alone housework.
It isn’t for lack of asking, he was raised by a martyr of a mother who wore herself out running around after the males in her family.
Needless to say I brought our son and daughter up very differently!

Isn’t it good that this discussion would not really be relevant nowadays with “partners” not having the roles so divided. It would make Little difference who was ill, my DS or DIL

Very true.

I haven't read the whole thread so sorry if this tip has already been said: Wear rubber gloves to put those horrible stockings on - it means you can get a grip!

I was kept in hospital after an operation had gone wrong. I had to have an emergency op and everyone at home was very worried. DH was affected badly, his defences were down and he caught the flu. My middle DS, about 14 at the time, was told off at school about not doing homework or something. DH heard later (he taught at the boys' school) that DS2 had played the sympathy card: "My Mum's in hospital, my Dad's in bed with the flu and I am having to cope with all the housework and cooking!" Actually, this was probably true as he was the most domesticated of the three. Quite honestly, I have no idea how they coped or what they ate, as I was in intensive care, and hadn't prepared anything as it was unexpected.

DH can still only boil pasta and butter bread, but he has managed several times when I was visiting my mother. I have given up preparing things in advance. They are usually still in the freezer when I get home. He wouldn't dream of meeting friends or going out for a meal, or of getting a takeaway.

Am glad you are doing OK sadgrandma. Don't overdo it. Use the opportunity to teach him a few more things.

I had thought I might one day take DH with me round the house as I do the daily chores, explaining what I'm doing and why. I would then ask him to do the same with his jobs. As we have seen, at any time, one or the other of us could be incapacitated and the other will need to step in. I haven't summoned up the courage to suggest this to DH yet, though.

Lucca

Isn’t it good that this discussion would not really be relevant nowadays with “partners” not having the roles so divided. It would make Little difference who was ill, my DS or DIL

When DH was ill the worst chore, I found, was putting out the rubbish/recycling on various different days.

As Theresa May said, bins are a 'boy job' in this house.

I've been on my own for many, many years and lost my mum a long time ago too...
In that time I've had surgery 3 times, once quite serious and my care was shared between my Dad, son and brother...with a very close friend doing some highly 'personal' things.

My house was spotless, all jobs were done and they looked after me so well...even the ironing basket was cleared!
I think I was very lucky in seeing my father 'sharing the load' all of my life so I brought up my son the same way.
Never any division of work for us.

BBbevan

Never mind Yammy you can smile about it now. When I had my first child I asked DH to bring me some lemon squash, into hospital. He bought PLJ. Bless him

Yes, but you might have guessed from my post what his job was. Empathy with ill people was for work not home.
We do laugh about it now and since he retired he is a brilliant help. Mine would have brought PlJ as well.

The plastic bag trick. Please would someone enlighten me?

I see that many of you are fighting with the compression stockings every day! There are zipped versions which should be much easier to put on. I was fortunate after my partial hip replacement aa my health board uses Dalteparin anticoagulant injections and not the stockings. I self injected for 28 days which was a lot easier than I thought it would be! Rather that than the stockings. Have a look online - lots of choice/prices for zipped stockings.

I've had an operation and also been seriously ill. DH is a brilliant and thoughtful nurse, more than capable of running the house as well as looking after me.

My operation was when we had a couple of toddlers, he took a fortnight off work and did everything needed and more.

I had a hysterectomy and then a few years later three back surgeries within 14 months, each surgery requiring initially bed rest and then very light duties, DH coped remarkably well, I couldn’t fault him. Not everything was done ‘my way’ but he was great.

I'm so lucky my husband was fantastic when I was hospitalised 11 years ago. I was in a bad way & I'd been extremely violently ill all over the floor in the bedroom and bathroom before I was taken away in the ambulance. When I got home after my operations 12 days later the carpets had been thoroughly cleaned, laundry done shopping done etc. He had a 150 mile round trip to visit me as well so didn't he didn't visit very day even though he wanted to. I told him not to as he looked so drained when I saw him for first time after I'd been admitted. After I got home he did absolutely everything for a couple of weeks including walking the dog & he never complained once!

Aldom
Plastic bag trick - put a food bag, big enough to cover your foot, on your foot and slide the stockings over your heel. You can then slip the bag out through the toe hole and pull the stocking up. Seemed to work a dream for the nurse in hospital but, to be honest, getting it over my foot is not an issue for us, it's the pulling it up that is the problem. Ah well well, only another five weeks to go! I will research the zipped ones though.

Not an operation, but I had Covid, was on a ventilator 2 weeks during which time I had a stroke, last summer. I was in a hospital 50 miles away. My husband drove there to drop off things I needed (no visiting so I didn't even see him to wave to), several times, during my 6 weeks stay. When I got home, he cooked, cleaned, did the washing, fed the cat, helped me to wash and dress, emptied the commode, did the shopping, took me to various appointments. Now, I'm 90% back to normal, but he still accompanies me to hospital appointments.

DH can cook basic meals and makes very good mashed potatoes, and also creamy scrambled eggs. He would keep up with shopping too, but no housework would be done, especially not the bathrooms. The thing that would really bother me is the kitchen surfaces. He never wipes them down, or cleans the fridge out.

Mr Not can manage to look after me, himself and the house if need be, as he did when I had a THR. He even managed the dreaded compression stockings without the aid of plastic bags. Cooking skills are limited, his speciality being oven chips, but he copes with just a few shouted instructions from me - 'I can smell burning, what's going on?' Unfortunately he doesn't know how to work the washing machine and he doesn't believe in ironing, so laundry was a bit of a problem. I decided not to bother about it and as soon as I was up and about again I put on several giant loads and caught up with it. He did then helpfully hang it out for me, not in the way I would have hung it but still...........as someone above said, don't sweat the small stuff!