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AIBU

Sleeping around

(184 Posts)
Beswitched Sun 06-Feb-22 10:21:17

I've just been reading an old thread on Mumsnet where posters are bragging about the number of men they've slept with. Dozens seems to be a quite normal amount, over 100 seems to be nothing extraordinary and quite a few have completely lost count. Loads of one night stands also seems to be taken for granted.
AIBU to be quite shocked at this? If I saw a thread with young men boasting in a similar manner I'd think "What a bunch of creeps".

Galaxy Sun 06-Feb-22 14:35:32

Yes I think MN did some research but I cant remember the exact statistics grin but it was a considerable number of women per year who had been helped out of abusive situations.

Pepper59 Sun 06-Feb-22 14:50:29

Elegran, I had never heard that saying. Sadly, I know families where the parents seem to live and act like perpetual teenagers, then they wonder why their childrens lives are unstable. Ive seen exactly what you are talking about. I am old- fashioned, people's sex lives are private. Ive no wish to read about it on a public forum unless the person is seeking advice about a problem.

ExDancer Sun 06-Feb-22 14:52:19

Well I suppose I do exaggerate a bit, other people seem to deliberately misunderstand a bit too.
I was shocked by the number of solutions offered were going straight to "end it", and I wondered why.

paddyann54 Sun 06-Feb-22 15:32:57

Bluebelle small town ,I cant remember many girls who got pregnant before they were married ,in fact my sister was married just over 10 months when her son was born and she said all the old dears will be counting on their fingers to make sure he's really legitimate .Of the two I know who were pregnant one was rushed down the aisle before she showed and the other waited until her daughter was born simply because she was only 15 .They were married for 40 years .She was however the talk of the steamie as we say here ,
My mother always said BAD girls dont get pregnant only foolish ones .the bad girls know how not to get caught .I am very glad times have changed

GrannyGravy13 Sun 06-Feb-22 16:16:26

How many shoes do you try on before finding a perfect fitting pair?

A lifetime partner whom you love, respect and actually like takes a fair bit of shopping nowadays.

Luckygirl3 Sun 06-Feb-22 16:46:44

I am always amazed on Mumsnet by how many young women are willing to put up with all manner of degradations just to be a part of a couple. Some of them ask "is x,y,z, OK? - and I am just horrified that they have so little self-respect as to even begin to think that some of these things are OK - especially when they are making it clear that they do not want them.

Also very evident is the destructive effect of porn on their relationships.

So sad - these poor young women.

LaCrepescule Sun 06-Feb-22 17:00:00

My experience of growing up in the 70s and seems very different to other people’s here. We were very promiscuous and I’ve slept with upwards of 50 men. I’m 64 now and have not had sex for 10 years until recently when I met a lovely man with whom I’m having a relationship now. I don’t regret my past in the least. My daughter is 22 and isn’t alone amongst her peers in having slept with a number of men.

Coastpath Sun 06-Feb-22 17:10:12

Elizabeth27

Coastpath

if they have to try out a hundred before finding their life partner, then they can't be very good at the preliminary filtering process.

A bit like those people on Location Location Location who've viewed a hundred houses and still not found 'their forever home'.

Not everyone is looking for a life partner, they just enjoy sex. As long as it is safe and consensual I do not see a problem.

I was quoting another poster (I tried to make the text bold but it didn't work) and trying to make a little joke Elizabeth27.

I'd already said further up the thread fair play to everyone doing as they please, it's up to the individual - you only get one life. I'm not here to judge anyone.

Beswitched Sun 06-Feb-22 17:19:08

It just seems sad and sordid to me, completely divorcing sex from love and commitment, falling into bed with someone you met in a club a few hours ago, doing the same with someone else a few days later.
It may be consensual but it also seems to lack self esteem and self respect. Like a previous poster I would be sad and disappointed if a child of mine behaved like that.

LaCrepescule Sun 06-Feb-22 17:33:08

Absolute nonesense Beswitched and judgey and offensive beyond belief.

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 06-Feb-22 17:48:46

I agree with Beswitched and suspect many of us do. I think you’re the only person to have said they were promiscuous and have slept with a lot of men. No one has openly judged you personally so please don’t judge others on here whose views and experiences are different to yours.

Elegran Sun 06-Feb-22 17:50:42

Are the posters on Mumsnet talking about the equivalent of trying on fifty pairs of shoes before finding the perfectly fitting pair, or about continuing to audition try another fifty men after they have selected Mr Right-for-the-part and promised him that they are a perfect pair "until death do us part" ? There is a great deal of difference.

JaneJudge Sun 06-Feb-22 17:56:57

I hope I have helped my adult children keep safe. I don't care for all the talk around promiscuity, it is up to them. They had a different life and family judgement to what I had and it is a welcome relief that they have CHOICE

No one has to get married or have a monogamous relationship if they don't want to

Hithere Sun 06-Feb-22 18:02:48

50 is not such a high number if you do the math.

3 partners per year (not at all excessive) x 15 years of being single = 45.

Galaxy Sun 06-Feb-22 18:20:46

I would actually worry a bit for my daughter (imaginary only have sons) if she hadnt had a few partners. There a lots of marriages that I see where it would have been better for everyone of they had slept together and then moved on.

Esspee Sun 06-Feb-22 18:20:53

I must be old fashioned. For me sex is a very important part of a loving committed relationship. I can’t imagine sleeping around would give me any satisfaction at all.

Galaxy Sun 06-Feb-22 18:21:33

Perhaps I should have had less sex and paid more attention to proof reading posts grin

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 06-Feb-22 18:23:53

I agree Espee.

Humduh Sun 06-Feb-22 18:49:04

Do others think mum's should stay on Mumsnet and not complain about grans or complain about grans on Mumsnet just as this post is not on Mumsnet complaint about mum's. It was something I was wondering last week. My views on this post apart from that have been aired

Humduh Sun 06-Feb-22 19:10:01

Oops grammar could improve ☺️

Lucca Sun 06-Feb-22 19:15:57

Purplepixie

I couldn’t be bothered with it when I was young and certainly not now. Oh I feel a headache coming on!

Has anyone watched Silent Witness? Honestly they seemed to hop into bed with the first thing with a pulse! Again, where are my paracetamols?

I thought they didn’t have a pulse on silent witness……

PaperMonster Sun 06-Feb-22 19:40:56

Not sure they’d actually be boasting, merely answering the question? I naively assumed at 18 that I’d only ever have sex with my fiance from there on in. Now, in my 50s, the thought of only having sex with the same person for the rest of my life horrifies me! Although this wouldn’t suit all.

Beswitched Sun 06-Feb-22 19:55:05

Esspee

I must be old fashioned. For me sex is a very important part of a loving committed relationship. I can’t imagine sleeping around would give me any satisfaction at all.

If you're old fashioned so am I.

Beswitched Sun 06-Feb-22 19:59:20

LaCrepescule

Absolute nonesense Beswitched and judgey and offensive beyond belief.

Why is it nonsense? Just because it is not your view doesn'make it nonsense. Rather ironic that you are calling other people judgmental and offensive.

Deedaa Sun 06-Feb-22 20:08:00

When my mother was in the ATS she was engaged to my father but of course didn't see him for months on end. She became friendly with George a young sergeant who was also seperated from his fiancee. They used to go to dances and the cinema together rather than go alone. Both fiancees knew about the arrangement. I mentioned this to some girls I was working with a few years ago and was surprised by the reaction. How disgusting to go out with another man when you were engaged!!! It seemed that they couldn't imagine an evening out that didn't involve sex and certainly couldn't believe that it was a platonic relationship. I didn't dare tell them that my mother didn't have sex till she was married - after a 7 year engagement! They would probably imploded.