Funeral party gatecrashers

Was your cousin close to your dad, Jannabell and would he have wanted her there? Is that why you invited her?She’s been very rude to you but that to me would be the decider. The son and wife could just go whistle.

Dickens

Urmstongran

I’d be tempted to ring her back and say ‘sorry but with hindsight I’m unhappy for you to attend after all. I’m upset enough as it is and your remarks have made me more so. Perhaps our paths might cross in the future at a different family gathering. Until then I wish you well”.

Cheeky mare.

... I agree. That would be an excellent way to disinvite her. Polite but pointed.

Her comment about sandwiches is just not on.

definitely. you don't want someone like that across the table from you, esp at such a gathering.
you are the chief mourner. your word is law.
i wold put it in writing, to disinvite. either by letter or email.
or text message. don't tangle with her further by speaking.
and i wouldn't begin it by saying sorry.
i wish and yours all the very best.

Urmstongran

I’d be tempted to ring her back and say ‘sorry but with hindsight I’m unhappy for you to attend after all. I’m upset enough as it is and your remarks have made me more so. Perhaps our paths might cross in the future at a different family gathering. Until then I wish you well”.

Cheeky mare.

... I agree. That would be an excellent way to disinvite her. Polite but pointed.

Her comment about sandwiches is just not on.

Agree with everyone else uninvited her Tell her the numbers have already been given to the restaurant and can’t be changed if she doesn’t wish to come without her son then so be it
Make sandwiches indeed ..cheeky mare

I would uninvite them too, Jannabell
What a nerve. They can't have been that close if you'd never met them.

Gagagran , that's shocking!
I am

My late mum used to describe some people as ‘professional mourners’. She wasn’t wrong.

I would go one further and actually withdraw the niece's invitation. What a piece of work! This further reinforces my plan to have no 'afters'. Sad for you over your Father's death. You certainly don't need\deserve this.

I agree with this - she obviously has no consideration for you.

As all above - stand your ground. I would also give a named list of those invited to the meal and request the restaurant to tick off as they arrive. Anyone not on the list to be refused to join the funeral gathering which then takes it out of your hands.
Sorry for your loss

Stand your ground! And if the niece takes the hump and decides not to come, then how much of a loss would that be? You are unlikely by the sounds of it, to meet then again anyway.

I would just uninvite her and her entourage. To suggest you change your catering plans is beyond belief, I would not have invited her in the first place. just say you have changed the plans to very close family of your father and do not tell her any arrangements.

I agree with everyone on here and think she has a real cheek. She’s lucky enough to get an invite herself. As if you haven’t enough to do snd think about. When it was my MILs funeral a load of family on husbands side came to church and graveside and they’d not seen her for years and years while she was alive. We’d not arranged anything afterwards but us and our kids and SIL went back to ours for tea and cake and I think they possibly all went to a pub. They were put out cos we’d not arranged a do for them all.

Maw ?

Gagagran how awful that a ‘mourner’ asked you “who died then?”

What⁉️

Honestly we are all so taken aback by such crassness that we actually reply to them! You’d have been right to walk away.

I’d be tempted to ring her back and say ‘sorry but with hindsight I’m unhappy for you to attend after all. I’m upset enough as it is and your remarks have made me more so. Perhaps our paths might cross in the future at a different family gathering. Until then I wish you well”.

Cheeky mare.

Jannabell

I told her I would be paying for it out of my own pocket to which she replied ...well make sandwiches instead!

You've just lost your father, she has never met you, and invites her son to whom an invitation was not given and who only saw your father once - and talks to you like that?

I think you have to put your foot down here. This is a celebration of your father's life for those who knew him well - not a party for anyone who feels like they might want to come along for the free food and drink. Because apart from that, what interest can such a gathering hold for someone who probably knows damned all about your late father?

Sometimes I'm just completely astounded at the utter pushiness and insensitivity of people. The fact is, she had no right to invite anyone without consulting you first. I'd be inclined to dis-invite her frankly, she sounds like trouble.

I would go one further and actually withdraw the niece's invitation. What a piece of work! This further reinforces my plan to have no 'afters'. Sad for you over your Father's death. You certainly don't need\deserve this. I'm sure you'll have ample support around you. Stay strong. ?

I would tell her, after such a horrid remark, that she is welcome to the graveside but suggests she brings her own sandwich to eat on the nearby bench. Blinking cheek.

Jannabel. I would tell her that there had been a change of plan. They are welcome to join you for the scattering of the ashes and hope they come prepared with something to say.
There will now be no meal afterwards as the cost was getting out of control.

Gagagran. How awful.

When my elder sister died there was Requiem Mass then a burial with just family attending, followed by a hot buffet meal in a local restaurant. When the immediate family got back from the cemetery, the restaurant was heaving with people, who had turned up at the church then gone straight there. So the tables and chairs were occupied and it meant family had to sit where they could amongst these people.

The lady I found myself next to, said "Who's died then?". I was so shocked that she had the effrontery to be sitting eating and enjoying a meal for someone she had no idea it was in memory of. I was told later that there are quite a few of these funeral scavengers who turn up for a free meal like this. It still upsets me to this day and it's 7 years since.

Just tell her this is a private function. It's hard to believe how pushy some people can be.

Grandnana I actually cannot stand rude people at the best of times, and to be spoken to like this when grieving , I think I’d have a job not to blow a gasket! I hope the op is ok! It beggars belief that people can be so cold and uncaring! I wouldn’t allow it

Freeloaders. Tell them the name of the wrong restaurant.

I'm actually gobsmacked by this! I hope you are okay

I can't understand why, when someone knows you are grieving, starts making difficulties.
When you said her son wasn't invited she should have graciously accepted that. Just be firm with her as she has been pushy and unfeeling towards you.