AIBU to be annoyed with my friend?

Summerlove

Germanshepherdsmum

Very harsh and not necessary.

Would you have everyone locked down forever?

I’m more covid cautious than most In my circle, including those who have immunocomprising issues, however as they are adults, they have the agency to make their own choices.

It’s time people take responsibility for themselves.

I can’t stay home forever because someone else is at risk. I will continue masking, I’ve had all vaccine doses offered to me. I’ll continue good hand hygiene.

But I can’t stay home any longer.

Summerlove, who exactly is asking you to stay at home?
I don't see anyone on this thread, asking anyone to stay at home.
Furthermore, I don't see any posts about continuing lockdown.

Germanshepherdsmum

Very harsh and not necessary.

Would you have everyone locked down forever?

I’m more covid cautious than most In my circle, including those who have immunocomprising issues, however as they are adults, they have the agency to make their own choices.

It’s time people take responsibility for themselves.

I can’t stay home forever because someone else is at risk. I will continue masking, I’ve had all vaccine doses offered to me. I’ll continue good hand hygiene.

But I can’t stay home any longer.

aonk I would have taken offence to what she said but she’s obviously worried.
All we can do is follow the rules depending on each situation. You go on holiday and have a lovely time. Me being me I would come home and wait for her to contact me and ask to meet up. But that’s how I am I’m easily offended. People say if you upset Shazza you rarely get a second chance lol.

I meant that it wasn't offensive! We are often between a rock and a hard place, regarding care!

Callistemon, I understood exactly what you meant!

It's an unpredictable virus. Just after New Year, I gave my teenage grandson a hug and was horrified when I learnt that he had tested positive the following day. I didn't catch it from him, but now I have it and have no idea where or how I caught it. I am hoping that by the end of the week I will have a negative test, but who knows? I am feeling quite normal which, in a way, makes it all the more frustrating.

As someone who was shielding I expect to to be responsible for myself without relying on outside care, unlike some people.

That sounded harsh! I didnt mean it to be.

Some people have to rely on family or carers which means those who are helping them have to take precautions.

annsixty

I think in cases of fearful or very vulnerable people it is up to them to protect themselves, not other people to protect them .
Harsh but necessary.

I am inclined to agree, though, annsixty.
As someone who was shielding I expect to to be responsible for myself without relying on outside care, unlike some people.

I have always said that the only person I expect to keep me safe is myself. I do not expect others to do that, but I am grateful when friends and family offer to take precautions to keep me safe.

I agree with that, Marydoll and I hope others will be thoughtful and followed the rules but rules do seem to have been abandoned now.
Ultimately I have to do my own risk assessments.

aonk
Your friend's choice of words was unfortunate and rather unkind. She's obviously anxious about her mother so perhaps was rather abrupt.

However, if you're going to remain friends with her, you could reassure her that you won't meet up with her for a couple of weeks after your return and that you'll take a test before you do.

I know a couple of people who have Covid at the moment (I haven't seen them recently) and they have no idea where they caught it from.
Some people seem to be in contact with a person who subsequently tests positive, don't catch it themselves but then weeks later catch it from an unknown source.

That is very magnaminous of you annsixty. You didn't upset me, I was just annoyed, that some posters have no idea, what it is like to have been told you will almost certainly die if you catch Covid and ICU will not be an option. Now that is harsh! .

Every case is different and posters need to be aware of that.

I apologise wholeheartedly and unreservedly to anyone I upset with my post.

annsixty

I think in cases of fearful or very vulnerable people it is up to them to protect themselves, not other people to protect them .
Harsh but necessary.

I have always said that the only person I expect to keep me safe is myself. I do not expect others to do that, but I am grateful when friends and family offer to take precautions to keep me safe.
In fact my children, sometimes take it to extremes, but it's because they care about me.
However, some people are so ill, that they rely on others to keep them safe.
In saying that, annsixty, I did feel your comment lacked some compassion.

However, I know that many on GN really have no idea what it is to live as CEV during a pandemic, when no hospital appointments, nor GP ones, nor necessary blood tests were allowed. Even the district nurses were not allowed to visit me. I was left to get on with it.
For that very reason, my health has deteriorated dramatically. I ended up in hospital with a second heart attack, because no-one was monitoring me. That was the scariest thing I have ever experienced.
That will not stop me living my life the best way I can, but I do have empathy for the OP's friend, trying to protect her mother. None of you have any idea of the mother's actual health, so how can anyone judge the daughter's behaviour?

It is a very lonely and anxious life for some of those who are either CEV or looking after someone, who is CEV.
There is a huge difference between being classed as vulnerable and clinically, extremely vulnerable.
The daughter must feel overwhelmed by the need to keep her mother safe.

Thank you so much for all your helpful and kind replies. She’s been a good friend for many years and we agree on most issues. She is however very strongly opposed to any relaxation in covid regulations. Also she isn’t very interested in foreign travel and nor is her DH. I accept that there may be some highly understandable jealousy here. Not of the holiday but of my freedom to travel if I wish. The advice to test before I see her next is really helpful and something I hadn’t thought of.

Thank you for your opinion
I respect your viewpoint but mine differs.

Very harsh and not necessary.

I think in cases of fearful or very vulnerable people it is up to them to protect themselves, not other people to protect them .
Harsh but necessary.

Although I appreciate your friend's concern for her mother, her comments to you were unfair and inaccurate: 'people like you causing the rise in infection etc.'

Janet Daley wrote in the Sunday Telegraph of the 'culture of fear' which has developed as a result of all the covid restrictions. Now these are being relaxed:
There is now a proportion of the population which is in effect refusing to leave the imprisonment which it concluded is the only safe refuge. Many people are arguing that nobody should be released until some undefined state of absolute safety for everyone can be guaranteed.

Offer to take a test before meeting her again, if you think your friendship is worth preserving but don't accept guilt for taking a foreign holiday.

Farmor15

At this stage the virus is everywhere- anyone going on holiday and returning without testing, is not going to increase the risk of spreading it.
But testing before meeting again might put your friend's mind at rest.

A new variant may be imported from abroad, as has happened before.

LtEve those poor children. We really should count our blessings.
We really do need to return to as normal life as possible, but we can still have some care for others. Live and let live.

I think doctors are saying to CEV people that Covid will almost certainly kill them because they don't want to be blamed if it does but they don't actually know, it might but equally it might not.
My DD nurses children in the community with life limiting conditions that mean they are permanently ventilated with tracheostomies as well as other multiple condition such that a simple cold can put them in hospital. Obviously the nurses are very careful with top of the range PPE and testing but several of her patients have now had COVID(without being vaccinated) and been ok without even a hospital admission or any treatment which has shocked everyone as they were told that the children would almost certainly die if they caught it. The parents are now understandably more relaxed and very relieved. Severely restricting a child's life when they already have a limited time on this earth goes against the grain for them and they are very pleased to be able to allow them much more freedom.
It is such an unpredictable virus and risks have to be assessed by each individual now as the world opens up.

I also would do a test before meeting a vulnerable person but I wouldn’t be doing one on return from holiday.
I would not see her until a suitable time had passed.
I would respect their position but not let it dictate my own life.
Does she expect other people to do this forever?
Is her own life to be on hold?
We must return to normal life for everyone’s mental life if for no other reason.

I would definitely do a test before meeting up with someone who is still concerned about Covid.

It would take up only minutes of my time, and in no way limit limit my own freedoms.

At this stage the virus is everywhere- anyone going on holiday and returning without testing, is not going to increase the risk of spreading it.
But testing before meeting again might put your friend's mind at rest.

I agree with your friend.

I've said before this wretched thing has a lot to answer for. Just let it go, if she has been a good friend to you up to now she is probably stressed out and very tired. A quick LFT before you meet again should help her. Have a good change of scene.