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Grandfather problems

(11 Posts)
Justamom Fri 18-Feb-22 18:19:12

I really don't know what I can do going forward, my papa has always been the type of man who thinks he is always right, he makes all the decisions and you can't dare question them, but since having my children I point black refuse to take his shit! Some days he can be nice to me but others he is just so rude and nasty, he tells me how to bring up my children. For example he has been helping me take my boys to nursery past few weeks as my car is in garage and we live 6 miles away, he will blame me if there is traffic, he will tell me to stop carrying my toddler when he's upset and to let him walk, his words were that I'm "making him soft" as in my toddler! He calls me stupid and dopey in front of my children! Of course I tell him to not talk to me this way as I don't allow my partner to talk to me like this, he swears and calls people names, but if I dare let a swear word out I get told "stop your swearing in front of the children" even though it's okay for him to do it, he will follow me into the nursery when I take my boys in and will stand at the gate this makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable and i could sense that it made one of the nursery workers feel uncomfortable as well! My nana phoned me by mistake when she was in the car waiting for me to take my boys in to nursery ( this day I told him to go back to car because I didn't want him watching me like a hauck) anyways she left me a voice mail and my papa was saying " look at that dopey fucking cunt" referring to me! Saying a lot more but I guess you get the jyst! This was a man I looked up to and loved so so much as a child but since having my children I have seen him in a different shred of light. Am I being unreasonable to not want him around my children? I don't think he deserves a relationship with them. I never understood why my mother was the way she was when I was growing up, she has bad mental health problems and low confidence but now seeing how my papa now treats me and puts me down I can understand why!

Madgran77 Fri 18-Feb-22 18:22:54

You are not being unreasonable. He is! Your children are your priority!

Germanshepherdsmum Fri 18-Feb-22 18:28:36

So what are you going to do about it? You can't let your children learn this sort of language and behaviour.

silverlining48 Fri 18-Feb-22 18:31:32

If that were me I woukd have nothing to do with him. He has bullied your mother and trying to do the same to you and
should be nowhere near your children.

ShazzaKanazza Fri 18-Feb-22 18:44:34

You need to concentrate on you and your children and distance yourself. He wouldn’t come anywhere near my kids and grandkids and he is seriously bringing you down. Please don’t let him ruin your mental health. You are far better than he is. Stay strong.

Justamom Fri 18-Feb-22 18:50:21

I in no way just sit back and allow him to bully me, I tell him not to speak to me the way he does in front of my children and that his language is disgusting! I have put up with this all my life but only noticing now I have my own children that this behaviour is wrong. I love my nana so much and i know this will be hard on her but I’m going to their house tomorrow to explain that my children will not be around this man again, he is nothing but a bully!

ShazzaKanazza Fri 18-Feb-22 18:54:47

Good for you Justamom.

sharon103 Fri 18-Feb-22 19:00:00

What's his behaviour like with your nana?

Germanshepherdsmum Fri 18-Feb-22 19:03:38

Well done.

silverlining48 Fri 18-Feb-22 19:09:25

I think his behaviour has left you with no option other than to keep away from him, which doesn't mean you can’t see your nana, it just must be on her own.
I was in a similar position as you, so do understand how you must feel but your job is to be a good mum and to protect yourself and your children and this is what you are doing,

ElaineI Fri 18-Feb-22 19:12:59

Good for you. He is a very bad role model and I am so sorry for your Mum. Perhaps you could meet your Nana without him there or just arrange to see her. I hope she is safe as it sounds like he is used to. getting his own way.