AIBU

I don't think swimming lessons for the under fives is appropriate unless they are real water-babies. My three learned quickly at age five over a two week/ten day course at the local pool. £120 a month is very expensive too. Having fun and gaining confidence in the water is more important than formal lessons for a toddler. Hope you get it sorted out.

Germanshepherdsmum
*I can’t imagine spending that sort of money to teach a 2 year old to swim. You presumably realise you are talking to a lot of people with low fixed incomes here, some of whom can’t afford to put the heating on?
I agree with Meryl. Are you going to spend ages writing (in the case of the previous thread) very long posts asking for advice every time your mother in law does something you think is unreasonable? Talk to your husband and your mother in law. Join MN*

That is an unnecessarily unkind post! If she wants to ask for advice when she is clearly finding it hard to deal with her MIL, then why shouldn't she! If you don't like it, don't read it.

If you want to ask about another situation with MIL in the future, then ask! Posters who don't like it don't need to read or comment!

I remember your previous post and was pleased you had some sensible advice.
It can't be easy for you at the moment, a few weeks until your new baby is due, with a two year old, and moving house soon.
Your MIL seems to be a dominant person, used to calling the shots and getting her own way. On the other hand, you are a kind soul who doesn't want to upset everyone, so it must hard to be firm with her.
No I don't think you are being unreasonable or oversensitive at all, and think you need to be firm. No need to make excuses to her, just a simple no thank you.
Good luck with your little family and hope that mil gets the message!

Justamom you keep asking away if you want advice about how to handle a domineering mother-in-law.
I for one have had to stand my ground with mine over the years, and had to tell my husband that he had a wife and family of his own that were his priority now, not her, when our children were little.
It was tough going at times but she developed a respect for me and we have a great relationship now.

My daughter just had 3rd child - eldest nearly 4. They've been going to pool regularly as a family so children get used to water and can enjoy it, but no formal lessons till fairly recently, for eldest only. Instructor said there was no point starting younger as child needed to to be able to co-operate and follow instructions.

Justamom

DiscoDancer1975

It’s important to remember it’s about swimming this time The last few times...it’s been other things. Swimming is neither here nor there.

MIL is the problem....and this is what we’ve all tried to help with previously.

I absolutely appreciate everyone’s advice and I absolutely take it and have used it for my past threads and my current situation but I just wanted to make sure that I was not being unreasonable feeling the way I did! I do speak to my husband and we do talk to his mother. Thank you everyone for your advice truly appreciated I will make sure that I don’t post again about MIL. I hope no one feels like I have wasted your time.

You are not being unreasonable. On the contrary.....quite the opposite.

I think it's important to get him used to the water if your DH can take him.
Mine didn't start swimming lessons until they were a bit older and one swam in national galas.

Smileless2012

I don't understand why you raised the subject to begin with Justamom, what was the point when you know you can't afford the lessons anyway?

Were you hoping that she'd offer to pay?

Sorry if it came across that I brought swimming up as a conversation but it was MIL ;she asked when we were thinking of lessons for little one and we said in the next few years when we can afford it. I would never expect anyone to pay for my son. She then brought it up in conversation again saying she was going to phone and enquire for the 10 week block ( I only know price as I looked on website to see how much it was going to cost as she stated we would have to pay but she wanted to take my son)

Word, not work!

I am sorry you are not going to post again. Whenever I have read your posts I have thought what a difficult tight rope you tread with such a difficult Mil. and also how wearing it must be having a woman like that so closely monitoring you.

You need somewhere you can sound off as well as get helpful advice. Of course there will always be those who cannot see what the problem is or realise just how mentally and physically wearing living with a woman like that constantly around you can be, but I think most of us listen to your plight with sympathy and Gransnet has a very different and softer approach than Mumsnet, which is a very diferent animal and needs strength to deal with.

I will not be posting in here again

Well, I appreciate that you took the time to tell us.
But don't forget that under-used work: Compromise

DiscoDancer1975

It’s important to remember it’s about swimming this time The last few times...it’s been other things. Swimming is neither here nor there.

MIL is the problem....and this is what we’ve all tried to help with previously.

I absolutely appreciate everyone’s advice and I absolutely take it and have used it for my past threads and my current situation but I just wanted to make sure that I was not being unreasonable feeling the way I did! I do speak to my husband and we do talk to his mother. Thank you everyone for your advice truly appreciated I will make sure that I don’t post again about MIL. I hope no one feels like I have wasted your time.

Germanshepherdsmum

I can’t imagine spending that sort of money to teach a 2 year old to swim. You presumably realise you are talking to a lot of people with low fixed incomes here, some of whom can’t afford to put the heating on?
I agree with Meryl. Are you going to spend ages writing (in the case of the previous thread) very long posts asking for advice every time your mother in law does something you think is unreasonable? Talk to your husband and your mother in law. Join MN.

I post in here with my MIL problems as I feel like its more beneficial if I get an opinion from grandmothers themselves as I feel NM can turn into a MIL bashing threat and that’s not my goal! I have literally stated we can’t afford to pay for the lessons! you have no idea about my financial situation so I’m not entirely sure what you mean by your comment. If you read my post I was asking if I was being unreasonable for feelings the way I did! Each of my threads have been on completely different situations. I will not be posting in here again

It’s important to remember it’s about swimming this time The last few times...it’s been other things. Swimming is neither here nor there.

MIL is the problem....and this is what we’ve all tried to help with previously.

MerylStreep

The last time you posted about your problems with your mother in law posters spent time giving you good advice and strategies on how to deal with her.
So here we are again at ground hog day. You are either a troll or ( I’ll leave you to fill in the blanks)

Harsh!

You’ve been here before, and are obviously not listening to previous advice.

You’re choosing to put up with the way your MIL is.....and that’s your choice, but she’ll continue to do things like this, until you get firm. It’s not going to get any easier when your baby arrives.

You and your husband hold all the cards here. Some people will just keep taking until they are stopped. I know....Always put your children first.

I do wish you all the best with your new baby.

That price is ridiculous!
My daughter took her children to swimming groups from an early age, with a brilliant teacher. It was a lovely experience, so I don’t think 2 is too young, but not at that price. Theirs was a tiny amount, at a local authority pool. They are both good swimmers, by the way.
No you are not being unreasonable to object to MiLs interference, though if she was offering to pay it might be different.
Ignore those who told you not to post on here.

Take care here, it would be even more difficult to refuse if she offers to pay.
Anyway can she afford £1440 a year for however many years it takes for a 2yr old to learn to swim? As he'll be having lessons I presume granny isn't getting in the water with him.
And what about the other children - will she spend the same amount on activities for them? And will she ferry them there and back? If not, why not?

I don't understand why you raised the subject to begin with Justamom, what was the point when you know you can't afford the lessons anyway?

Were you hoping that she'd offer to pay?

In your post you said you were speaking to your mil and that you would love your son to have swimming Lessons. Might she have picked up on this and just wanted to help?
The£30 a lesson makes no sense though, for such young children a lesson would normally be half hour. They get very cold.
What would be more helpful is to just take him to a pool to get him used to water and the noise etc. Which I think you are doing. Swimming can come later.

Join MN.

That's a rather unfriendly comment ☹️

My own children started swimming lessons at 5 as that was the age they could start at the time.
My grandchildren however have been going since they were babies but to the local authority classes.

Justamom no you are not being at all unreasonable in thinking that your mother-in-law is being extremely cheeky in saying she wants to take your son for swimming lessons but you've got to pay.
Like other people have said, it's not her decision to make.
Best wishes x

Just say 'NO' very firmly and if she brings it up again ignore her. Discuss with your husband and tell him to do the same.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

trisher

She won't be able to phone and make arrangements for lessons anyway as she isn't a parent and she won't be able to sign the relevant forms. If she keeps pestering say "No" and then ignore her, if she tries to set it up the pool will tell her.

I didn’t even think of this! Thank you