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AIBU

Ungrateful nieces querying grandfather's will

(170 Posts)
Jannabell Sat 12-Mar-22 20:39:27

AIBU? I am executor of my late fathers will, which he changed in 2019, over 2 years before his death, and a year after my brother died. I will be distributing the estate next week, and asked all the grandchildren (the two girls and my two sons) for their bank details. Almost immediately my late brother's daughters asked for a copy of the will, which I told them I would be sending with the letter and payment next week, but that the 4 grandchildren would be getting 10% each and gave them the figure they would receive. I think they thought they would be getting more - they are now querying how could he have done that when he didn't always recognise people......neither of them ever visited him, which is why he didn't always know who they were in photographs. I am furious - I suggested he should give them 10% rather than the 5% he had been contemplating....I really wish I had left things alone and not allowed him to change his will, as I would have inherited everything then, but I genuinely thought I was doing the right thing..........

nadateturbe Sun 13-Mar-22 10:16:06

we can't possibly give any valid opinion.

Well, you said quite a lot Dickens

rafichagran Sun 13-Mar-22 10:20:19

I was left out of my Mothers will, I got nothing and my sister inherited the estate. I would be in a very good position financially if it was different. I chose not to contest the will, the solicitor said I had a good case. I just thought it made my Mothers life all about money.
The OP Father made the will, it is his decision, I tend to believe Jana as each Grandchild got 10% including her two sons, she did not give them more. Wills and money bring out the worse in people and I would not like to be in the position of executor in thos case. Also interested to note Janna was going to send a copy of the will with their payment. If the nieces didcontest it, they could lose what inheritance they have got.

seacliff Sun 13-Mar-22 10:22:35

The son who died a year before his Dad would probably be very upset to see this situation and how his daughters have lost out as he sadly died so young.. On the face of it, it seems unfair, and OP did have influence over her father. I can understand why they're upset.

We don't know the whole truth, OP does. Pointless to post here really.

DiscoDancer1975 Sun 13-Mar-22 10:24:30

Callistemon21

As it is, the OP is receiving her brother's share as well as her own minus the 10% to her nieces and her children.
Ie her family receives 80%, her brother's children receive 20%.

It seems everyone but me and a couple of others think this is fair.

There may be other circumstances eg the OP may have had to give up work to care for her father who had dementia in which case fair enough.

I don’t think it’s fair, but unfortunately, with so many families at loggerheads by the time someone dies, it doesn’t surprise me.

If I were one of the nieces, I may well challenge it....but for now, being executor of the Will Jannabell, you have to carry out the deceased wishes.

All the best

M0nica Sun 13-Mar-22 10:30:11

Callistemon Fairness doesn't enter into it. It is the simple fact that the OP's father made his will, made his instructions clear and while the niece and nephew may have hoped for more, they have to accept that their grandfather chose not to leave them more than he did.

Everyone is free to make their own decisions about how they distribute their estate after death, and all of us will know of wills that shocked on being read, because everything gets left to charity or skips generations, or goes to the neighbour who cared for the deceased not the relation who never visited, but expected to inherit.

Or to put it more bluntly, I totally agree with Lathyrus

Enid101 Sun 13-Mar-22 10:30:58

Of course the OP needs to share her father’s estate according to his will but it does seem grossly unfair that she and her family will inherit 80% and her brother’s family 20%. I can understand why the nieces are querying s.
The OP is kidding herself if she feels she is being magnanimous. If she really felt like that, she could give all grandchildren 10% each then split the remainder between her and her brothers children.

Callistemon21 Sun 13-Mar-22 10:34:20

M0nica
If he had dementia was he of sound mind when he changed his will?

I just couldn't do that to my nieces or nephews unless I knew my parent had been of sound mind, and the solicitor knew exactly what they were doing and why.

HolySox Sun 13-Mar-22 10:37:49

I'm wondering what the will was before the brother died? Maybe origionally 50:50 split between son and daughter with provision that if either predecease the father, as the son did, then that child's share to go to their children (nieces). If so, then why was the will changed ... but the OP states she 'suggested' how the father's will should be written. The OP has strong views on why the nieces shouldn't get the 50% share, or any share so how much influence did she have on her father's will.
Maybe members of a family may not be close in the last years of a person's life but that doesn't take away the good times or the love that continues for your offspring so we really should leave people to make their wills freely. The nieces may have grounds to contest.

tickingbird Sun 13-Mar-22 10:41:57

Normally your late brothers share of your father’s estate would go to his offspring; therefore 25% each. Why did your father change his will after your brother died?

I must admit it could look like you encouraged him to do so and maybe that’s what your nieces are thinking.

Lathyrus Sun 13-Mar-22 10:46:42

Hang on. If she gave each grandchild 10% and then split the remainder 50/50 then the nieces would get loads more (can’t do the percentage maths but loads) than the other grandchildren. How is that fair?

I suppose to be strictly fair you should say there are five beneficiaries and split it five ways.

But clearly the OP has been impart of her fathers life and the brothers family haven’t bothered. Fair is as fair does?

Urmstongran Sun 13-Mar-22 10:50:08

“Where there’s a Will there’s a relative” as my late dear mum used to say.

VioletSky Sun 13-Mar-22 10:51:38

Relationships do work both ways and everyone involved has to make an effort.

I do agree that viewing it as 5 beneficiaries and splitting it 5 ways would be the fairest thing to do when they are all adults

Maria59 Sun 13-Mar-22 11:02:15

Our wills leave everything 50/50 to our sons if one predeceased us then it goes to the remaining son or down bloodline as one son has no children.

Callistemon21 Sun 13-Mar-22 11:03:41

Lathyrus

Hang on. If she gave each grandchild 10% and then split the remainder 50/50 then the nieces would get loads more (can’t do the percentage maths but loads) than the other grandchildren. How is that fair?

I suppose to be strictly fair you should say there are five beneficiaries and split it five ways.

But clearly the OP has been impart of her fathers life and the brothers family haven’t bothered. Fair is as fair does?

That's not what I said.

The fair way is this:
OP gets her share, the nieces get their father's share.
If OP want to make a variation she can do this and pass on her share to her own children. Or they get it when she dies.

Leaving money to grandchildren, great-grandchildren etc just makes a will unnecessarily complicated.

MaizieD Sun 13-Mar-22 11:06:07

Callistemon21

As it is, the OP is receiving her brother's share as well as her own minus the 10% to her nieces and her children.
Ie her family receives 80%, her brother's children receive 20%.

It seems everyone but me and a couple of others think this is fair.

There may be other circumstances eg the OP may have had to give up work to care for her father who had dementia in which case fair enough.

It's not a question of 'fairness', though. It's a question of the person making the will has a perfect right to leave their money/goods in any way that they want to.

I'm a bit shock that anyone should be thinking any differently.

Oldnproud Sun 13-Mar-22 11:21:55

The father made a new will, and if it is true that the nieces never saw him, I can understand why he chose not to leave their father's share of the will to them.

Yes, the son would probably have been upset if he had known that would happen, but he doesn't know, because the new will was made after his death.

The OP's father could well have been justifiably upset by his nieces lack of interest in him
As long as he genuinely knew what he was doing when he made that will, I think it would be very disrespectful to try to overturn it.

crazyH Sun 13-Mar-22 11:22:14

This sounds a bit iffy.
He changed his Will, a year after OP’s brother died. So the only one who had ‘influence ‘ over her father, is the OP. If we were talking of fairness, her father’s estate should be divided equally between her brother and herself. Since her brother is no more, his share should be divided equally between his children, regardless of whether they visited him or not. Perhaps they found visiting difficult, with an all powerful ‘aunt’ standing guard, so to speak.
My Will is going to be involved equally between my 3 children. The grandchildren will indirectly benefit. That’s my way of looking at it.

Oldwoman70 Sun 13-Mar-22 11:23:26

Callistemon21

Oldwoman70

As I see it the OPs father made his Will after his son died. That Will invalidates any previous Will which would have left money to his son. Why should the nieces receive any more than their cousins (the OPs children)?

Does no-one get this?

They receive the share that would have gone to their father had he lived.
If the OP had died then her children would have received her share.

It's just so simple.

Not if the grandfather had changed his Will - the previous Will leaving money to his son would be invalidated. No-one is "entitled" to receive anything from a Will. If as the OP suggests her nieces never visited their grandfather they should consider themselves fortunate that he left them anything at all.

DaisyAnne Sun 13-Mar-22 11:26:03

DiscoDancer1975

Callistemon21

As it is, the OP is receiving her brother's share as well as her own minus the 10% to her nieces and her children.
Ie her family receives 80%, her brother's children receive 20%.

It seems everyone but me and a couple of others think this is fair.

There may be other circumstances eg the OP may have had to give up work to care for her father who had dementia in which case fair enough.

I don’t think it’s fair, but unfortunately, with so many families at loggerheads by the time someone dies, it doesn’t surprise me.

If I were one of the nieces, I may well challenge it....but for now, being executor of the Will Jannabell, you have to carry out the deceased wishes.

All the best

It's neither "fair" or "unfair". The law is simply not that childish. You can leave your money as and how you want and do not need to justify it to anyone unless you were previously supporting them. If people live in hope of inheritance they deserve to be disapointed, as far as I can see.

GagaJo Sun 13-Mar-22 11:26:50

I was left equal shares of the little my mother had left when she died. It was her wish, despite the fact that I had been, for the last few years, a s**t daughter to her . My brother is insisting on following my mothers wishes, BUT unbeknownst to Mum, my bro was in the middle of a huge health crisis at the time of her death.

I'm going to use my share of her money to buy something to help him with his mobility. I think she'd approve and I think she'd like the fact her death had brought the family closer together again

MissAdventure Sun 13-Mar-22 11:29:07

What's the point of having a will if people are going to ignore it and do what they think?

Iam64 Sun 13-Mar-22 11:36:50

Thanks Dickens - it’s now clear your user name is appropriate

CleoPanda Sun 13-Mar-22 11:42:38

The father had an estate. He chose how to leave it. There were grandchildren who never visited so he didn’t even know what they looked like. If there had been no will, the daughter would have automatically inherited everything.
The daughter persuaded her father to increase the legacies from 5% to 10%. He didn’t want to give them any more.
Please stop criticising the OP.
It’s not her choice. She’s trying to fulfil her father’s wishes. It doesn’t matter what she feels/thinks about the neglectful relatives. By the law of inheritance they weren’t due anything.
The grandfather made his decisions.
I find it horrid that posters are criticising her for following her father’s wishes and instructing her to do things he didn’t want doing and that she has no obligation to do.
Not kind, sensible or useful advice at all.

Rainwashed Sun 13-Mar-22 11:50:53

I agree with Callistemon 21 I would be aggrieved if I was one of her nieces,( that they haven’t received their father’s share). However I do agree that as executor OP has to go with what’s in the will.

Witzend Sun 13-Mar-22 11:53:17

Callistemon21

Lathyrus

Hang on. If she gave each grandchild 10% and then split the remainder 50/50 then the nieces would get loads more (can’t do the percentage maths but loads) than the other grandchildren. How is that fair?

I suppose to be strictly fair you should say there are five beneficiaries and split it five ways.

But clearly the OP has been impart of her fathers life and the brothers family haven’t bothered. Fair is as fair does?

That's not what I said.

The fair way is this:
OP gets her share, the nieces get their father's share.
If OP want to make a variation she can do this and pass on her share to her own children. Or they get it when she dies.

Leaving money to grandchildren, great-grandchildren etc just makes a will unnecessarily complicated.

I don’t think it necessarily makes it more complicated, but that may depend on family goodwill - admittedly not always abundant when it comes to wills!

My mother left certain sums to each of her grandchildren and great grandchildren, but by the time she died, after many years of dementia, there were 2 more great grandchildren who had not been named.

But by general agreement, the main recipients’ shares were adjusted, to give the same to the new GGdcs. No big deal in this family.