Unwanted bequest, what do you think

Sounds like there is no love lost between you and this Aunt so just hang onto those pearls and keep her at arms length. Hope the funeral goes as well as it can ???

Hello all, I think you need a little more information. Mum was quite a difficult person and didn’t like the aunt. She, to be fair has made herself difficult to warm to.
When my dad died she “wanted a memento” and went rummaging through his room and came up with some watches which she had had to really search for and a desk lamp!
Mum was furious, she treated it like a house-clearance.
When she used to come at Christmas she’d brings bags of stuff for us, free combs from trips, all the cracker stuff left behind after a party. I got some children’s vests from Woolworths! They’d obviously been languishing somewhere for decades. My sister once got a huge box of sanitary products, she’s had a hysterectomy. My aunt definitely knew this.
We’re not ungrateful but we’re not poor relations.
So my mum and sister deciding to give her the pearls from her wedding was a magnanimous and generous gesture.
She did defiantly say she didn’t want them. The funeral is tomorrow and I’ve been charged with not letting her go through all the rooms looking for “a little something”, like a vulture.

She can't be much younger than your mother , perhaps she is thinking "who would want them after my days" ask if there is anything she does want instead but don't be offended if she says no. As you get older you start to not want more stuff.

But it really is just crap to someone who doesn't want it.

Why is it so hard to put it in the bin in your kitchen? Or drop it off to the charity shop? Don't make stuff another persons burden.

That is not something I've noticed my generation tolerating. We don't like to much stuff. And that's a good thing to me.

Bibbity

Yammy

I feel for you Mogsmaw. The same thing happened to me with my mother's things. Unlike most on here, I think people should accept with grace even if they stay in a drawer.
My mum had a collection of Wedgwood she asked me to give her nearest and dearest a piece. I was refused by one relation as they did not 'Match ",her decore.
When my MIL died one of her distant relations phoned and asked for one of her bracelets she knew exactly the one she wanted, DH's reaction is not printable.
Whatever it is you accept and then do what you want with it.

And for those who don't want to end up with a load of unwanted crap?

It's not crap. How hard is it to keep a small piece of jewellery or China and remember the person fondly when not you look at it?

Yammy

I feel for you Mogsmaw. The same thing happened to me with my mother's things. Unlike most on here, I think people should accept with grace even if they stay in a drawer.
My mum had a collection of Wedgwood she asked me to give her nearest and dearest a piece. I was refused by one relation as they did not 'Match ",her decore.
When my MIL died one of her distant relations phoned and asked for one of her bracelets she knew exactly the one she wanted, DH's reaction is not printable.
Whatever it is you accept and then do what you want with it.

And for those who don't want to end up with a load of unwanted crap?

Gracious acceptance might have been preferable, but you got an honest reaction instead. Try not to take it personally.

I accepted a gold bracelet which belonged to my late aunt, but I shall never wear it! I am not sure who will want it after me, but maybe one of my granddaughters will have it and sell it.

I feel for you Mogsmaw. The same thing happened to me with my mother's things. Unlike most on here, I think people should accept with grace even if they stay in a drawer.
My mum had a collection of Wedgwood she asked me to give her nearest and dearest a piece. I was refused by one relation as they did not 'Match ",her decore.
When my MIL died one of her distant relations phoned and asked for one of her bracelets she knew exactly the one she wanted, DH's reaction is not printable.
Whatever it is you accept and then do what you want with it.

Rather she refused it than stuck it in a drawer and forgot about it.
Give it to somebody who will cherish it.

I’m sure she’s perfectly capable of remembering your mother fondly without the burden of storing something she’ll never wear. Callous is an odd word to choose. There’s another thread today about “things” which seems apt - most of us have too much stuff already.

My cousin recently gave me a gold bracelet that was his mum's. I was very fond of her & had visited often and spent too many nights with her in A& E etc as my cousin & his brother both lived overseas. I am unlikely ever to wear it as I wear silver but accepted it as a momento of an aunt I loved. To be honest it will sit in my jewellery box now and not see the light of day! Not sure that is right either. ?

I'm sorry about your Mum how you feel is most probably a reflection of your grief.

She was just being honest. We are not very good at accepting honesty in this way though!

Did your sister-in-law, really say it as bluntly as you write it Mogsmaw or does your account just reflect how you heard it - that your SiL was rejecting something that your beloved mother had wanted her to have and the words your SiL actually used were far more gentle and consolatory.

I think your SiL is braver and more honest than I could be. In her place I would have accepted the pearls, while thinking 'what on earth can I do with these, I never wear pearls,' I deduce they are real pearls so have some value. They would then have sat in a drawer for 10 years - and then I would have sold them.

How much better to have been honest as as she has been. Give the pearls to another family member who will appreciate them and then ask your SiL whether there is anything else of your mother's that she would like instead. There may be other less valuable jewellry, a picture, ornament or book, that she always assoiates with your mother and will appreciate having.

You have carried out your mother's wishes but your aunt was being honest in refusing the pearl choker, so I would suggest you keep it it because it has real value for you.

Be gentle with your aunt. She was indeed insensitive. She was also honest when it is sometimes easier to be gracious. Hope the pearls find a welcoming recipient. Sorry for your loss ?.

I can only liken your situation to 1 I experienced last week.

I had acquired a set of bath oil, shower gel, hand cream and a scrunch from M&S. I thought my neighbour would like it, so i took it round. She said it was a very kind thought but she didn't want to be greedy and keep it when she wasnt sure if she would use it and I could give it to someone who would use it.

So maybe that message was behind your mums SIL .

I have a friend who would do that. She doesn't mean to be hurtful but she sometimes takes pragmatism too far.

I can understand how hurt you feel and I'm so sorry about your mum.

It’s one thing to be offered jewellery as a keepsake, but quite another to have CD’s and DVD’s dumped on you, unless you really want them. If I had been the unlucky recipient paddyann, I would have politely declined your SIL’s ‘gift’.

She was honest, she didn’t want them - better they go to someone who likes them than stuck in a drawer or flogged on eBay.

We distributed belongings of my MIL recently and to be honest I felt as if we were forcing people to take things they didn't want .My sister in law wouldn't take no for an answer from one "lucky" recipient and the poor women was landed with MIL's collection of CD's and DVD'S along with the hifi.No doubt it will end up in the charity shop ,if it isn't already there .
I think you have to remember that one persons treasure is another persons trash .I didn't bring much home with me as I am trying to get rid of my own excess stuff .I'm sure many other folk are the same .Keep the pearls if you want them ,but dont assume anyone else will have the same memories or sentiment about your mothers things .

I wouldn't let it bother you, she probably didn't mean anything much by it...

Some people find gifts uncomfortable, especially in situations like this.

Take it as a sign you are meant to keep them and treasure them

I admire her honesty, although rather blunt and hope it can go to someone who’ll appreciate it.
I’d rather that, than as Bibbity says it ends up being another ‘thing’ to be given away, or sold.

Some people are just honest and don’t realise that their honesty might hurt I wouldn’t take it to heart give them to someone who will enjoy them
I doubt if she meant it as a snub she was just saying thanks but no thanks basically Ots not worth dwelling on it

Yes Soroptimum- my mother also used to say that - so I have pearls for a long time, but a couple of years ago, I was given a pearl choker by my son’s gf’s mother (ofcourse, she probably didn’t believe in such things, neither did I ). I love it and I don’t think it brought me many tears. Having said that, their relationship did not last. So probably that was the “tears”. ?