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AIBU

To talk to kids about this

(50 Posts)
endel3 Sun 17-Apr-22 19:24:38

Hi all.
My GD 12 has said she wants to be Korean. She’s a big kpop fan and loves Korean culture, but recently she’s taken that a bit too far and has said she wishes she were born Korean. She’s started to make her eyes more slanted with makeup, dye her hair black and take a Korean name. Her mother isn’t phased by it and I’ve only recently found out it’s been going on for 6 months. She lives across the country so I don’t see her that often.
What do I do? To bring this up… WIBU?

snowberryZ Mon 18-Apr-22 08:19:20

These days, as long as you feel like something, you become it. Apparently.

ButI agree it's ridiculous and hopefully just a phase.
It's impossible to change race.
Just as its impossible to change sex.

snowberryZ Mon 18-Apr-22 08:24:13

When I was little we had a blonde girl in the class. She had the most beautiful Ash blonde hair, delicaye features and the beautiful bright blue eyes that go with it.
We were so jealous.
But we were never going to look like her in a month or Sundays as most of us had brown eyes and brown hair (welsh colouring)

We always want what's different.

FarNorth Mon 18-Apr-22 08:42:15

"A white British influencer and singer has defended "identifying as Korean" after having what they have described as "racial transitional surgery"."
news.sky.com/story/oli-london-british-influencer-defends-identifying-as-korean-after-surgery-to-look-like-bts-star-12344765

At least she won't be able to get this done at 12, ende13.

You could recommend Duolingo to her, to learn Korean.
www.duolingo.com/course/ko/en/Learn-Korean

Caleo Mon 18-Apr-22 10:22:23

I remember what that feels like As a wee girl I longed to be a Mexican beauty with pale skin and jet black eyes and be called Senorita Rosita.

Urmstongran Mon 18-Apr-22 11:32:34

I had little imagination so just settled into who I was (am). Plus I was never a rebel. Too timid and conformist. Maybe a bit boring but at least I didn’t tie myself in knots hoping to be someone I wasn’t (nor ever likely to be).

Moggycuddler Mon 18-Apr-22 11:33:29

A friend of mine (in the UK) has a grand daughter who became obsessed with all things American at about that age and went around for about 6 months faking an American accent (badly!) When asked why, she insisted that she wasn't. It all faded away gradually though. Kids go through these weird phases.

Purplepixie Mon 18-Apr-22 11:37:51

I would just take it with a pinch of salt at that age. When my youngest son was 12 he wanted to open a cafe with me doing all the cooking! Thank goodness he grew out of that one or there could have been a few people with belly ache!

NannyC1 Mon 18-Apr-22 12:13:51

snowberry
These days, as long as you feel like something, you become it. Apparently.

ButI agree it's ridiculous and hopefully just a phase.
It's impossible to change race.
Just as its impossible to change sex.
Your remark "just as it's impossible to chance sex* is disgraceful and ignorant. And I would say transphobic.

Thistlelass Mon 18-Apr-22 12:14:02

Oh I don't think you should say anything about this. Just leave it to her parents. I just say to myself now that the responsibility is no longer mine. This means I can relax. The way I see it is up to my children to raise the next generation as best they can. I have had my turn. I am sure your granddaughter will move through this where there are no strong reactions to her current style.

Buttonjugs Mon 18-Apr-22 12:24:54

snowberryZ

These days, as long as you feel like something, you become it. Apparently.

ButI agree it's ridiculous and hopefully just a phase.
It's impossible to change race.
Just as its impossible to change sex.

Why don’t you come off that ark and enjoy the beautiful weather?

Sago Mon 18-Apr-22 12:28:14

When she discovers they eat dogs she may change her mind.

endel3 Mon 18-Apr-22 12:54:31

Sago

When she discovers they eat dogs she may change her mind.

Erm.. This wasn’t an invitation to be racist.

endel3 Mon 18-Apr-22 12:54:54

Thanks for the responses x

Luckygirl3 Mon 18-Apr-22 13:07:28

My DD spent a year being a dog!!

Sago Mon 18-Apr-22 13:14:37

endel13 Please tell me what was racist about my remark.

endel3 Mon 18-Apr-22 13:19:52

Sago

endel13 Please tell me what was racist about my remark.

The stereotype that Asians eat dogs.
The stereotype didn’t even come from Korea, I believe.

NannyC1 Mon 18-Apr-22 13:30:33

What does it matter what people eat. So long as they're not sitting you down and making you eat it, what business is it if ours?

BlueBelle Mon 18-Apr-22 13:35:02

Well you probably eat cows pigs sheep and lovely dancing lambs Sago no difference all living breathing animals ?

Harris27 Mon 18-Apr-22 13:38:40

It’ll run it’s course. My granddaughter is into anime and she tries to explain this to me goes over my head. She even dresses up like it for conventions. This too will pass.

DiscoDancer1975 Mon 18-Apr-22 13:41:10

Do nothing. Her mother isn’t worried, so why on earth would you be?

It’s just a phase....

Hetty58 Mon 18-Apr-22 13:52:30

endel3, the best thing about being a grandmother - is letting their parents worry and just enjoying their company - not that it's anything to worry about. 12 year old girls are usually obsessed with something. With my GD it's horses, her friend a certain singer.

(mokryna, you can have my poker-straight hair - I'm sick to death of trying to make it hold a curl - or even a wave.)

Chestnut Mon 18-Apr-22 14:12:51

The most outrageous thing I did was put a wicked poster of Jimi Hendrix on my wall. My mother nearly had a fit which I loved! Other than that I was just a dolly bird, short skirt and fake tan but nothing weird. Then there were rockers, mods, punks, goths, Ziggies, new romantics and goodness knows what else. All youngsters like to be part of the youth culture of their era and this is no different. So just express some disapproval to keep her happy and all will be well.

kircubbin2000 Mon 18-Apr-22 15:25:12

How is it racist? Lots of Asians eat odd things.

Minerva Mon 18-Apr-22 16:05:56

This all took me back to travelling in Korea 50 years ago - such a lovely vibrant country with noisy, friendly people, lots of music and dancing and such a contrast to Japan where we were then living. It also took me back to 1990 and my daughter and friends getting ready at out house to go to the Rocky Horror Show about which I knew nothing.. What a shock, fishnet tights, a bustiere, black rimmed eyes and bright red lipstick, and that was just the one lad who was accompanying a gaggle of 15 year old girls to the show in central London. Girls in mini waitress outfits and torn tights, tiny skirts and not much else, coloured hair and heavy eye makeup. I was glad my husband was out of town but I wished they hadn’t chosen my house to complete this transformation and I felt responsible and anxious for their safety while trying to show none of my feelings. Of course they had a wonderful time and arrived back safely and on Monday morning were back in their school uniforms with faces scrubbed and hair it’s original colour. . Japanese teens wanted to look like Americans I recollect. It’s all part of growing up and exploring their place in the world.