Feeling inconsequential.

MoaningTurtle - unfortunately, our ds.i.l. don’t find our company exhilarating. I’m in a similar position….1 daughter and 2 ds.I.l. Even my own daughter tends to shy away from spending conversation time with me, unless we’re going shopping together. Just be glad that the 2 girls get on well. It’s important especially for your sons.
We are out of their loop, so to speak. As long as they’re happy………don’t be sad.

crazyH
They don’t really know each other to be honest, they all keep themselves to themselves.

Could you volunteer to look after your grandson to give dil a break? She could maybe bring him over & go off for a while( shopping? Hair appt? Nails? ) or maybe you could go to hers to babysit while she dies her own thing ?

Does her own thing!

No unfortunately as my little grandson barely knows me and wants to be with mummy all of the time.
That would be lovely though.

Looks like it was also organized as a playdate for the cousins at the same time

I understand why they cancelled.

Not unreasonable for feeling sad, but unreasonable to still hope your dil was going to deliver her kids for your benefit.
You mention wanting to play with your gd but no mention of wanting to see your dil too.

Talk to your son and have him organize a family visit. Your son is the key here.

Hithere

I think that’s a little harsh to be honest. Of course I want to see my DILs but obviously am disappointed at not seeing my grandsons and personally no I don’t see why she wouldn’t bring the little man to visit his granny and gramps, most people do.

In many families now, the dil takes care of relationships with her family, the son with his family - no more social secretary role for the dil

It is her time too, she has had a busy week, she could be tired, have to run errands, etc

Do you want this to be a forced out obligation family meeting?

Talk to your son. He will make the effort of coordinating this if it ranks high enough in his priority list.

Forced out of obligation

My son has aspergers and finds relationships confusing at the best of times. ?

Aspergers is a condition that can be managed and many people live with it

He holds a job, right?
Met his wife, got married, etc..

He can handle him the coordination of a visit and taking his child to visit his mother

I don't mean to offend anybody in the spectrum or with family or friends with it

I hate how it is used and the responsibility falls on the wife, yet again

I think every time my DC visit me it's obligation. I can feel hurt easily now that I am on my own. At least there are 2 of you!

Although 4 yr old DGD asked me on the facetime yesterday if I could collect her from nursery. Her best friend's gran collects bf and mine wants to have me at the school gate. So that was nice if impractical as she lives a couple of hours away.
I may do it anyway

Your family are just making their own arrangements independent of grandparents.
My son and daughter often make arrangements meet up etc with the children. It does not involve us we have our own times with them. Days out and little trips away are arranged for the grandchildren to get to know each other.
They all work and live a distance apart so they make these plans when they can.
I am pleased they are getting on it's very important to me that they don't drift apart.

@ Hithere

He doesn’t need to co-ordinate a visit, my DIL had already done it, in fact suggested it. This has nothing to do with my sons.

@ Redhead56

It’s not independent if grandparents if they were planning to use my house though is it!

Hithere

In many families now, the dil takes care of relationships with her family, the son with his family - no more social secretary role for the dil

It is her time too, she has had a busy week, she could be tired, have to run errands, etc

Do you want this to be a forced out obligation family meeting?

Talk to your son. He will make the effort of coordinating this if it ranks high enough in his priority list.

Talk to your son. He will make the effort of coordinating this if it ranks high enough in his priority list.

Crikey!

I wonder if he makes an Excel sheet?

We have no automatic rights over our adult children, their lives, or the grandchildren, and I certainly would never put pressure on mine... but if my son had to make a priority list to decide whether I was important enough to be put on it, I think I'd tell him not to bother.

I also led a busy life when I was working full time and raising him, but always found time to see my mother who was happy enough with a quick 'cuppa' and catch-up. And I'm glad I did because she died suddenly and unexpectedly. I would hate to have had regrets...

Grandparents are aging and they are not going to be around for ever - and might not always be in the best of health. I hope the son doesn't put them too far down on the 'priority list'...

I understand how disappointing it can be when a much looked forward to visit with GCs is cancelled.
I wouldn't be too hurt that your DiL decided not to come. I don't think my DiL would have visited me without my son.
It was usually my son who would bring my GCs to see me.

Invite them over for lunch or tea and tell them how disappointed you were that they didn't come before as planned. I think some get so caught up with their busy lives that they forget that it is easy to hurt others if they change plans at the last minute.
Where are their husbands/ partners ? Can you not involve them ?

I overlooked that they where meeting at yours I'm sorry.
I was generalising about family making their own arrangements.

Maybe she just feels more comfortable with the other daughter in law there, it does not sound as though you are not close so she may feel a bit awkward.

'Am I unreasonable to feel sad that she won’t come and visit me anyway? They have just moved back after working away for a year and I would love to catch up on time with my little grandson.'

Yes. A little bit.
1) if you're unhappy with the contact you have with your grandson, speak to your son.

2) if you want to catch up with your DIL and gs, let your DIL know that you'd like to see her too.

If you want a good relationship with your grandchild, form a relationship with his mother.

My son and DIL both know that I love them, I’ve told them a million times and that we were so happy they were coming back. We bend over backwards to be supportive parents and grandparents, financially, time wise, emotionally (always there for them 24/7 day and night.
My son is autistic and suffers from depression and anxiety so it’s actually very hard to have a full relationship with him as by his own admission he’s a loner and it’s only his own family unit that really concerns him.
I’ve come to terms with that, painful as it’s been but things still hurt me deeply.
I honestly don’t think I can do more to be a better Mum, Mum in law or granny.

Thanks for supporting them, I am sure they are very appreciative

Your dil is also very patient with your son, I am sure. It cannot be easy and it may keep her even busier as she may have to cover for things your son is not able to do.

The cancellation of this visit is just that - a change of plans.

It is a young family, recently came back from abroad.....it is all good, give it time.