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AIBU

Why does he do this?

(56 Posts)
Nandalot Mon 13-Jun-22 14:00:10

DH has always been the one to do the shopping, (now online). He has always had a tendency to overbuy. We have kitchen cupboards, a pantry under the stairs, a shelving unit in the utility, part of an upstairs wardrobe full of groceries, not forgetting water, squash etc under the model railway in the garage. Oooh and paper goods secreted in odd cupboards upstairs. He has always had this tendency to stock up which became exacerbated with Brexit and Covid. I have just bought a slow cooker in order to cut down on electricity and this has warranted a rearrangement of kitchen cupboards. This has brought home to me just how much stuff we have! I have also realised that he is just the same with medicines. Two of the large shelves in the kitchen wall cupboards, plus four of the shelves in the small cupboards are full of medicines, both prescription and other, plus plasters etc. You may wonder why this has come as a surprise to me? Well, DH has always done a lot of the cooking but since I had my pacemaker fitted, as we have an induction hob, he has done nearly all except for baking.
So I suppose I shouldn’t complain really!

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 13-Jun-22 14:05:27

Groceries in the wardrobe and the garage? Sounds like he has a hoarding problem. What on earth is it costing?

Georgesgran Mon 13-Jun-22 14:10:16

As well as the cost - I bet some of its out of date too. However, I agree with GSM and wonder if this isn’t a bit of obsessive behaviour and what would be his reaction if you said no shopping was needed for a month or two, to use up some of the supplies? His GP really shouldn’t be prescribing meds to hoard either.

PinkCosmos Mon 13-Jun-22 14:23:02

I can understand this becoming more of an issue during lockdown. I still have some tinned items that I bought two years ago 'just in case'.

As other posters have said, a lot of it will be out of date by now. Though, to be honest, I think some use by dates are a bit over cautious

Why don't you suggest he goes through it all and put the oldest (still in date) items in the kitchen and work your way through in date order until you get the stock down a bit.

I had a box of tins and jars in the under stairs cupboard that I stocked up on during the pandemic. I wrote a list of what was in the box so that I could check before I went shopping. Otherwise I would end up buying yet more of the same thing.

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 13-Jun-22 14:26:40

It sounds like a security blanket. Pink Cosmos’s suggestion is very sensible.

Esspee Mon 13-Jun-22 14:28:08

I have a tendency to hoard, no idea why but we have enough food in the house to keep us going for a few months. Our freezer is always packed to the gunwhales.
We have tried to run down stocks but somehow it never happens.

Georgesgran Mon 13-Jun-22 14:34:15

I probably could manage for a couple of months, just buying perishables as and when, but the OP sounds as if they’ve got enough for a siege.

Pantglas2 Mon 13-Jun-22 14:38:18

I’m another who likes full cupboards, fridges and freezers but am religious with using stuff up in date order as I can’t bear throwing food away!

My shopping list is always written in front of the open doors so that I know what needs replenishing and what’ll wait til next time.

A gentle suggestion on recipes using what's in stock might not go amiss?

Nandalot Mon 13-Jun-22 14:45:09

Well, we have started on the sort out. We have done the freezers, ( we have a large upright and a fridge freezer) over the last few weeks, ( had to time it with the bin men), and yes quite a bit went. It was very satisfying getting it sorted. And today of course, to make room for the slow cooker.
Georgesgran, to be fair, I don’t think there is any hoarding of prescription medicines. There are five of us in the house, ( 3 adults 2 children) each with our own health complaints, It is more the ‘just in in case’ medicines, cough, tummy, head, etc etc.
His mother was a bit the same with food so I think that might be where it stems from.

AGAA4 Mon 13-Jun-22 15:01:28

I realised recently that I have been hoarding paracetamol. During the Pandemic I made sure I had a good supply but now there is no need.
They are kept in my handbag, bedside drawer and kitchen cupboard so doesn't look a lot till I add them all up.
If anyone is in need of painkillers you know who to ask!

Calendargirl Mon 13-Jun-22 15:04:28

had to time it with the bin men, and yes, quite a bit went

So a lot got thrown away?

That’s shocking, chucking food away when people are using food banks.

Gossamerbeynon1945 Mon 13-Jun-22 15:06:00

I have a slow cooker, called a Crockpot. It is excellent. I batch cook, every 4 or 5 weeks (everything lasts that long) - Bolognese Sauce, Chilli and Moroccan Lamb and put them in the freezer.

Thistlelass Mon 13-Jun-22 15:11:02

And that's a very judgemental comment Calendargirl. It strikes me that perhaps the gentleman concerned may be developing some memory problems as he grows older. This could result in.him buying the same things over and over again as they are stored in long term memory. I think it is a good idea for husband and wife to both be involved in drawing up the shopping.list and insisting they both stick to it.

Calendargirl Mon 13-Jun-22 16:02:10

We are always reading on GN how shocking it is in this day and age that people are having to resort to food banks, so if the OP is throwing good food away simply because her pantry, fridges and freezers are rammed with so much food that it’s out of date, then yes, I stand by my comments, judgemental or not Thistlelass.

Surely she must have been aware of how much foodstuff her husband has been acquiring? If he’s having memory problems, then she needs to help him sort out their food requirements.

icanhandthemback Mon 13-Jun-22 16:09:27

Yes! My husband does exactly the same, Nandalot. It drives me crazy and when we put the house on the market he will have to stop!

midgey Mon 13-Jun-22 16:13:00

There is an excellent app called olio, the idea is that you can give away food that is not wanted. I know my son has given away part jars of unwanted things. May be of use to OP

icanhandthemback Mon 13-Jun-22 16:17:54

Calendargirl

We are always reading on GN how shocking it is in this day and age that people are having to resort to food banks, so if the OP is throwing good food away simply because her pantry, fridges and freezers are rammed with so much food that it’s out of date, then yes, I stand by my comments, judgemental or not Thistlelass.

Surely she must have been aware of how much foodstuff her husband has been acquiring? If he’s having memory problems, then she needs to help him sort out their food requirements.

But food does get freezer burned or finds it's way to the back of the shelves and overlooked. We have stuff in our cupboards that we bought when our boy was at home and when he left for Uni, he didn't want to take it with him so it had gone out of date. My daughter stayed with us for 6 months and left stuff in the freezer that we would never eat so it will have to go. We generally kept freezer burned food to feed the dog but he died so we will have to chuck some away. Meanwhile running a full freezer uses less energy than running an emptier one so I am actually being eco friendly.
Food waste isn't a deliberate thing in our house and had I had the time, I would have sorted it out and sent it to the food bank.

Nanamar Mon 13-Jun-22 16:22:48

Oh my - my late DH was the same! Part of the situation was that he truly enjoyed shopping and got into what is called here in the states “big box stores” in which we can purchase paper products and non perishables in huge quantities. So our basement was filled with them. Not particularly a problem until, after his death, I moved 3000 miles across the country to a house that has no basement and/or large storage room. My theory as to the “why?” He always liked being prepared, felt great responsibility for providing for the home - but in his case he also couldn’t pass up a bargain. In addition there is some social research to support that men like to take up space - as sort of a power thing. I dislike gender stereotypes but I know that he himself said that since he was not a particularly large man he liked to spread out when sitting, for example.

BlueBelle Mon 13-Jun-22 16:26:22

I have never headed food I have a small cupboard with tins jars and squeezy bottles in which I keep topped up as I use them I have a under the counter three drawer freezer and a under the counter fridge I think it’s bad to keep so much food in every cupboard and even a wardrobe and actually I think you’re husband has a problem
The only thing in my medicine cupboard more than one packet is paracetamol and probably ibrufen
It really is unnecessary and a bit naughty to then be throwing stuff out !

SunshineSally Mon 13-Jun-22 17:57:59

Georgesgran

I probably could manage for a couple of months, just buying perishables as and when, but the OP sounds as if they’ve got enough for a siege.

Lol Georgesgran - 'enough for a siege' - I nearly choked on my coffee! grin

I am the same as you - enough for a couple of months though I do have an upright freezer and a small freezer both kept full as |I cook and freeze in bulk.

Nandalot Mon 13-Jun-22 18:10:00

The food we threw away was mainly left over single portions over a year old. If it had been uncooked food, I would not have been so cavalier, but I thought it was risky to use it or even give it to the dog. If I was wrong I stand corrected.

Nandalot Mon 13-Jun-22 18:14:18

Like Nanamar’s husband DH cannot resist a bargain. We live a long way from our local town so if we do go anywhere like B and M etc. , he will stock up.

timetogo2016 Mon 13-Jun-22 18:28:59

We have stocked up enough for at least 12 months.
As for out of date stuff,i have eaten canned and frozen foods at least two years out of date,and i am still here to tell the tale.
Funnily enough there was a programme on recently about out of date food,can`t for the life of me remember what it was called.but Greg Wallace was in it.

Lucca Mon 13-Jun-22 18:31:25

When I hear of posters with houses full of stuff I feel quite queasy. Can’t bear clutter.
Ex H was a bit if a hoarder….and loves trawling charity shops and markets buying a load of unnecessary “stuff”
Thank goodness I am no longer involved.

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 13-Jun-22 18:54:14

I really couldn’t cope with this. I have very well stocked cupboards , large fridge and upright freezer but putting food in a wardrobe would be a complete no no.