children left home alone

If you know them could you perhaps check up on the lad?

It’s a tough world for a single parent trying to hold down a job and parent a child. What do you suggest the Mum should do? Refuse to go away for work and risk losing her job? Pay money that she can’t afford to someone to mind the boy, who, it appears, can manage perfectly well on his own? In past generations, 14 year olds had full time jobs. One wonders how the human race survived.

Yes, some kids of that age are a bit silly or downright troublesome. But many are sensible, responsible, and can be trusted to care for themselves. Unless the OP is willing to offer free childcare to the family, I suggest s/he stop tut-tutting and let the family sort out their own arrangements.

Do we know that there is nobody at all in contact with this young person? No friend's mum, no friendly neighbour?
Do we know how far away the mum is and how easy to get back? Do we know if the young person has maybe got a friend staying?

Does the mum know Howverydareyou is herself keeping an eye on him?

Just wondering.

I was discussing this with DS today. His children are 15, just, and not quite 12. Both, especially, the older are sensible and mature, but he was rushing home, a 4 hour drive, after a family funeral because his wife has an important meeting tonight and will be gone before he returns, but they both want to limit the time the children are alone to 2 hours as it will be evening.

We agreed that we would not leave a child alone overnight until they were 16.

Sixteen for being left over night was my rule when DC were young.

There is no legal age you are allowed to leave a child alone but if you do and anything happens to them you are legally responsible and can be prosecuted. I think 14 is very young to be left for 4 days. My granddaughters are only a year younger and and we wouldn’t leave them for a day never mind 4.

If the mother has literally nobody I feel very sorry for her surely there is someone to help if only in a dire emergency

In Scotland students can go to university at sixteen (as I did) and marry at sixteen without parents consent. So I suppose 16 would be the maximum age to be prevented from being home alone (unless there is some disability). Many 14 year olds would be sufficiently mature to cope at home for a few days. It comes down to judgement.

Just because Scotland lets children do things at 16 that other countries do not permit , doesn't necessarily mean that what Scotland does is a good thing!

My work colleague found out that her 15 year old daughter was inviting her boyfriend home after school whilst Mum and Dad were at work.

Result - a teenage pregnancy and a beloved granddaughter who arrived a few years earlier than anticipated.

Night owl sets out the situation. Whilst there isn’t a legal age at which children can be left home alone, parents who do so can be prosecuted for neglect if they do so and anything untoward happens

Elaine1 - I was just going to suggest that. The OP could perhaps keep an eye on him without being too intrusive

AS you know the parent of this young child could you contact her and offer to pop in and check he is ok?

The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) says:

children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
children under 16 should not be left alone overnight

Sensible guidance but no legislation which I believe is wise. Parents can be prosecuted for neglect but flexibility on the part of police or social workers who may get involved

I was left alone overnight in sole charge of my younger siblings on many occasions - at the age of 13/14. I was extremely mature and would have coped well if anything untoward had happened, but the responsibility weighed very heavily upon me and I thought, then and now, that it was very unfair to put me in that situation.

My own sons were very mature and responsible at the age of 14-16, but I would have been very uncomfortable leaving them alone. On the other hand I think they did go off on backpacking cycling adventures at that age without an adult present.

Perhaps this lad’s mum has set up regular phone contact and an emergency schedule for him, but it’s very sad that there’s nobody she can rely on to look out for him whilst she’s away.

I would leave my 14 year old along for a few hours at a time or while I was at work. I would not leave them alone overnight.

My oldest was 17 before I left her alone overnight.

Other times when we were young. My husband and a friend backpacked round Europe at 15.
I do know 14 is a year younger, but still...

My parents left me home alone for a week when I was 14. I was perfectly fine. Nowadays, it’s so easy to get in touch, keep an eye on the house via camera, etc.

It all depends on the maturity of the individual child. Some 14 year olds can absolutely be safely left at home for a few days.

We left our youngest home alone at 16, we were abroad with friends, he was fine but didn’t water the garden as instructed.

We only did it once with his older siblings!
It was party time?.

They were wild!

My daughter and her friend once took my car, put the roof down and cruised around for an afternoon, neither of them had passed their test!
I only found out recently.

Two days ago, the OP said this, without elaborating on it:

" I've acted on my concerns. "

I'm still wondering what she's actually done!

The mother is now back home, so no need now for any more comments. Thanks to all for your views.

Oh that brings back an unpleasant memory sago when DS was left at home alone for one night, and as you say never again.

Oldnproud

Two days ago, the OP said this, without elaborating on it:

" I've acted on my concerns. "

I'm still wondering what she's actually done!

It does sound ominous. I hope the mother and son are both ok.

There is no legal age in any part of the UK for when you may leave a child alone at home, either during the day or night, or for consecutive days.

This being so, a school or anyone else would only be justified in contacting social services if they felt the child in question was at risk, as it is an offence to leave children alone if doing so puts them at risk.

IMO if you suspect that the child in question may be at risk, does not have the phone numbers he needs to contact someone for help at need, plus knows how and when to dail the emergency services, and not to admit anyone to the house when he is alone, you are justified in voicing your concerns to the parent and offering to help.

Legally, if you know the child to be at risk, you are bound to do something to help. I doubt the best help is to involve the police or social services, unless something criminal is going on. Asking the youngster if he is coping all right or needs help would strike me as the first step, but many might see that as unwarranted interference.

I could have left my DD at 12! But my DS I would never have trusted him up to when he left home at 22?. I think a parent knows their child and it is up to them. I believe he is legally allowed to be alone.

I remember reading of a case where a mother left 13yr old boy home alone whine she went somewhere for an hour..... a friend turned up and they went into the garden and tried to light a fire by rubbing stones together....the boy used an accelerant and it blew back i his face severely burning him........ he would have been fine on his own ....