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AIBU

children left home alone

(79 Posts)
HowVeryDareYou Thu 16-Jun-22 11:28:33

How old would you say a child needs to be before they can be left alone for a few days? I know someone who has gone away with work for 4 days and has left her son (only just 14). Grandparents are estranged, as is the father. No neighbours to help. The child is getting his own meals, seeing to his own laundry, getting himself off to school, etc.

M0nica Tue 21-Jun-22 20:29:14

But a 13 year old and a friend can do that with both parents home - and in the house. DH has entertained us with stories of the things he used to get up to with his best friend.

Indeed a 13 year old girl with friends can get up to similar mischief.

Witzend Wed 22-Jun-22 19:00:43

At 15, my dh and a friend of the same age cycled all the way from SW London to the Dorset coast, with camping gear, and spent a week there on their own.
Different times!

Dds were 16 and 13 the first time we left them, for 4 nights, for a wedding in Stockholm. When we got on the plane - child free! - dh and I felt as if we were off on a dirty weekend. grin

geekesse Thu 23-Jun-22 23:32:16

I sent each of my kids off on their own or camp at Greenbelt. Our local vicar was a family friend, and always took a church group to Greenbelt. He’d ‘bump into’ child as they were pitching their tent and invite them to pitch close to the church group. None of the kids ever figured out that they were actually being looked after by the vicar and the youth group leaders from church smile

Allsorts Sat 25-Jun-22 21:57:17

I wouldn’t leave a fourteen year old in the house alone if I went away,
I think 16 they can manage a few days.

FlexibleFriend Sat 25-Jun-22 22:21:21

Surely it depends on how mature the individual child is. I know my youngest son was very mature and capable at 14/15.

riete Sat 25-Jun-22 22:28:16

If mother and son have been living together without help of neighbours, boy's father, or grandparents for long, then he'll have done a lot more than you're worrying about every time his mother's been unwell! If you actually want to help, you could offer your number and email address "for if anything crops up and he needs help". For this visit if it's actually ongoing, and for any future trips that might eventualise. At the very least you could prevent him undergoing the ministrations of social services, should anyone decide to "dob them in".
I wish them both the very best, and I hope everyone on Gransnet does too.

alexiie Wed 27-Jul-22 20:13:08

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Spice101 Thu 28-Jul-22 06:48:52

Some 14 year olds are more capable of safely being on their own than some 70/80 year olds.

dogsmother Thu 28-Jul-22 07:36:09

It’s a massive responsibility to be expected to cope alone for 4 days and probably child neglect in some form.

nanna8 Thu 28-Jul-22 08:21:04

We used to leave 14 year olds at home if we went out for the evening but never if it was overnight. I think for overnight perhaps 17 or 18, depending on the child. Not 4 days for a 14 year old though. I would call that child abuse.

Luckygirl3 Thu 28-Jul-22 08:45:58

It does depend on the child but, thinking back to when I was a social worker, we were supporting 16 year old Mums who lived on their own with their babies.

Allsorts Thu 28-Jul-22 23:22:18

Depends on the child and what is actually going on, unless you're a fly on the wall you dont know. Why don't pop in if are so close, offer to help, your phone number etc if you are concerned. My daughter would have been fine, my son wouldn't, but the question never popped up. He might have someone close to come in a few minutes if he had a problem.

BlueBelle Fri 29-Jul-22 03:23:50

I don’t really think it ‘all depends on the child’ personally You can be as sensible and mature as a 20 year old but something out of the ordinary could happen and it’s also VERY lonely to be on your own for four days
Would worry the doodah out of me if I was that mother and I couldn’t have done it, work or not
I can understand this lady has no family to rely on but not ONE friend who could keep an eye on him!

I seev it’s all sorted now but it’s an interesting discussion

biglouis Sat 30-Jul-22 11:41:39

Bath in the 1950s/1960s when things were a lot more casual my parents would never have left me alone for days at 14. For the off evening yes!

I was 16 before I was allowed to remain at home alone while my parents and sister went off to Wales in a caravan. I didnt want to go and told them I could not get those 2 weeks off work. My mother insisted on asking a neighbour to look in every couple of days but mostly she never got an answer. I also had a friend come and stay with me - female of course. I enjoyed the experience so much that I decided I wanted to get my own place. I was not able to manage it until I reached 22.

biglouis Sat 30-Jul-22 11:44:00

Nowadays there are too many busybody neighbours ready to snitch to social services or the police.

62Granny Sat 30-Jul-22 12:15:05

I would say a bit young , but again he might be quite mature for his age as he and his mum don't seem to have a lot of outside support. They have probably discussed " what if" scenarios and she is probably in contact regularly , that is one of the benefits of mobile phones. You are obviously not a neighbour, but if you able perhaps you could offer support if this type of thing occurs in the future , even to be a point of contact should he need you. At least it is a "work related" and not some drunken jolly with a new boyfriend.

mokryna Sat 30-Jul-22 12:29:55

Both Sets of GPS were away and my DD had booked long in advance a two-night-away celebration of their wedding anniversary. As one DD was 17 and had passed her bac a year in advance and the other 14 her brevet, she thought it would be safe to leave them. They left Saturday morning, Sunday, she received a text message from a neighbour asking her if it would be possible for peace that night as he was going to work the following day.
When they got home the house was spotless.

Dempie55 Sat 30-Jul-22 12:33:00

As others have pointed out, there is no legal age for children to be left alone, it is up to the parents to decide. I know I wouldn't have left mine for more than a couple of hours at 14, and certainly not overnight, just think what they might get up to!

Helenlouise3 Sat 30-Jul-22 12:37:39

Fourteen is very young to be left alone for 4 days. Imagine if there was an emergency of some sort, they'd have no idea how to cope at that age. My son was 17 when I left him for a week and even then he spent most nights at his grandparents.

JaneJudge Sat 30-Jul-22 12:42:59

my youngest (a teenager) would be ok for a few days but one of my older ones is living with us atm and I think this might be clouding my view. I could definitely leave him for a night though but we have a dog (does that make a difference I don't know)

Esmay Fri 19-Aug-22 09:16:32

Poor child .
He or she is too young to be left alone .
14 is a vulnerable age .
I wonder what the circumstances are and perhaps the parents have no choice trying to earn a living .
If it were a neighbour's child I'd offer some help .

TrentoSmitham Fri 19-Aug-22 09:20:47

They are far too little to be left unattended. That would be acceptable if there were a few more mature, trustworthy siblings nearby. But if it were an essential business travel in this instance, I would check to see if she could stay with a friend. geometry dash

Germanshepherdsmum Fri 19-Aug-22 09:24:54

Reported.

HowVeryDareYou Fri 19-Aug-22 20:42:25

I posted this back in June. Thanks for all the comments, things are ok now, although the mother has been known to SS for a good few years. The family aren't my neighbours.

Gytha Sun 28-Aug-22 13:34:38

Shinamae

I think 14 is the legal age a child can be left alone

There isn't a legal age.

I'd certainly leave a 14 year-old alone during the day, but not four days straight.

Don't think school safeguarding would be impressed