Do you have a ‘helpful’ husband?

Mr. S. is very 'helpful' when we're supermarket shopping. Puts things in the trolley that are not on my list and from time to time asks 'do we need this then' about things that are on my list.

My son in law is very helpful.Last time he tidied the larder, threw out everything past it's date and rearranged the shelves so that I couldn't reach the things I use most.
This time he did the plates cupboard, removed all the Tupperware, put all the heavy big plates I never use on the top shelf.The smaller plates that I do use are at floor level where I can't bend down.Still he means well.

I would say we are equals, but with different rolls when it comes to household responsibilities. My DH is retired, so has all day at home. He does most of the housekeeping and laundry, and a good bit of cooking, plus all the outside chores.

That makes me sound like I don't do anything, but I work full time still, and do all the 'paperwork' and anything that involves a phone call. He admittedly hates talking to people on the phone, other than to chat with friends or family. So today my list is to call to check up on a new door ordered months ago, stop to pick up some cash at the bank, stop to pick up new contact lenses, and organize the bills and mail after having been away for a few weeks.

He does his list his way, and if I am fussy, then I can do it. He puts everything in the washer and dryer, so if I want a few items on delicate or hung up to dry, then I save them for a special load and do it myself. He washes floors, but always forgets corners or baseboards, so I will do that, plus dusting of light fixtures, etc.; more detailed cleaning.

We don't really have any conflicts, not major ones anyway. He doesn't like how I organize the fridge, but I hate how he leaves water in the sink if he is rinsing some dishes. Minor issues.

I also have control of the shopping buggy!

Pollydolly I have one as well and I think every house should have one! My husband was single until he was 40 so is quite use to doing house jobs, like ironing and washing, and who am I to spoil his fun, I don’t have to ask he will just do it if he is in the mood. I must say we also work pretty much the same as Terribull except I don’t do much ironing and he will also sort himself out for breakfast and lunch. I always do the evening meal, he then washes up while I sort out out what there is to watch on tv etc. Works well

My DH was single until he was 45 living in his own house he did everything. When we married he hardly did anything because I was used to doing everything in my house. We sold both our houses and moved up the road he took on the role of mowing. I decided to get rid of the lawn for raised veg beds so it put an end to the mowing.
When we retired he did try to over take the kitchen sorry I wasn’t having that it’s my domain. However he gets to make his giant pan of chicken soup when he wants it. He willingly hoovers because my arthritis often makes hoovering a struggle for me. He is a dab hand at polishing my pet hate so he is happy doing that. He will help in the garden but does have to be supervised or he gets carried away.
Overall I can’t complain and I love the mugs of tea he brings me in the morning just bliss.

we have a very 1950's marriage ,I do the cleaning ,cooking etc ,OH does diy ,garden and car .In the past week he has cut down a row of trees damaged in an arson attack taken the old fence down and built a new ,higher one .Once that was done we realised how much space the trees had taken up so we now have a large OH built decking and he's halfway done building a stone firepit .
I do help with carrying and clearing as he works and for us its the perfect team and it works

When I remarried after my first "handy man" husband died, my new husband anounced he did not do DIY, but "let his fingers do the walking" while he looked in the yellow pages!

My DH does very little (and always has done)…apart from stack/unload the dishwasher, make snacks and cups of tea…over 50+ years of marriage!
We have a gardener and have to get people in to do DIY jobs..unless I manage to do whatever is needed. His inertia definitely “helps” me to keep fit these days…who needs a gym?

My husband is very helpful at things of HIS choosing. He is required where longer arms are needed to reach the top of a cupboard! He does lots of DIY things, cooks some of the time and does a lot of the washing up. Helps change the bed as mattress heavy and does some of the washing. But cannot use the hoover or mop to clean floors, cannot clean kitchen surfaces or clean the fridge or oven. Will mow the lawn but ignores obvious weeding.

Oh no hubby- but i have a son who 'helps' with the washing like this! I'm not sure if ìts genuine, or if he is doing this so i just do it myself.

I don’t understand why some of you let your husbands get away with doing so little. If mine had been like that, he wouldn’t have been for long!

My first late husband was very impractical and so laid back , he was horizontal. I did everything. Now my second DH does everything - the shopping, the cleaning, the garden, washing the cars, the washing and has now learned to cook. He even buys my clothes. I water the plants and sort of organise the cooking. At first I thought it was great but now I am feeling like I have no role! There is no pleasing us is there!

My husband is in pain from kidney op ,can't help in anyway ,think yourself very lucky

It is just lovely to read how we all rub along in various ways! If we hadn't moved I think I'd still be doing it all (was a bit of a martyr and put him on a pedestal) - anyway seen the light over that. Now I just cannot do the whole house in one go - so I do any room with a tap in it, he does the rest (bar stairs and laundry). Shopping - I can't really cope with crowds and noise much - so we go together - he has a totally organised list and is brilliant - I buy the odd thing I really want to pick over, have a brief mooch and read in the car till he's finished. I garden more than he does - he does digital stuff - it all evens out.

We play to our strengths and that works most of the time.

I've put years of training into this! My DH does the filing, vacuuming, refuse and the dishwasher. (I come down to a clear kitchen most mornings!). However he takes great pleasure in making a mess of anything to do with washing as he doesn't want to do it.
He can't cook, unless you count burnt sausages, over-boiled transparent potatoes or hard boiled eggs. I'm happy to do the cooking as anything he cooks is mostly wasted.
His other virtue is finding things that I've lost, a not uncommon occurance.

I do find it very depressing that in 2022 women are still talking about men 'helping' with household chores. Surely we are past this now? Household stuff needs doing - by all residents. It's no longer essentially women's work, is it?

My husband does nothing, and his excuse for this unfairness is that I don't need to do all that I do anyway. Oh, and I also still work (quite hard, as I'm a self-employed writer) while he has plenty of time for 'resting.' Yes, if I directly ask him to do a specific task he will do it, but usually there's a price to pay (get the washing in and it's all crumpled, boil an egg and he has to reorganise the kitchen). I know I should put more effort into training and encouraging, but I'm just too tired! All my sons, I might add, are really helpful to their wives and cook better than them, so I've not perpetuated this patriarchal attitude!

Grandma70s

I don’t understand why some of you let your husbands get away with doing so little. If mine had been like that, he wouldn’t have been for long!

I feel exactly the same! Anyone would think feminism hadn't happened yet.

He "But cannot use the hoover or mop to clean floors, cannot clean kitchen surfaces or clean the fridge or oven."
For goodness sake, these things aren't difficult. Women aren't born knowing how to do these things so why can't he learn?

I'm a bit uneasy about the whole premise of this thread. The implication is that the wife is responsible for all household tasks, whereas the OH deserves praise for 'helping her'. Surely, whether the couple are both working or both retired they should have equal responsibility for the necessary tasks while playing to their strengths i.e. what they do best, but doing 'fair shares' in terms of time and effort spent?

Everything is shared in this household. DH & I can both undertake all the basics of cleaning, washing, ironing, changing beds, cooking, washing-up, using "machines", & the general upkeep as required. Also the gardening. If anything DH probably does more....

dolphindaisy

Mine is adamant pushing the trolley round the supermarket is his job, problem is, he goes off to check the beer and I'm left with arms full of things I've picked off the shelves, trying to find him and swearing under my breath

Mine used to do this, I wasted so long trying to find him whilst holding armfuls of shopping. He also insisted on going down every single aisle.
Fortunately Covid put paid to that as he has a dodgy heart - now he sits in the car grumbling at LBC whilst I do a whizz around the store. He only gets out to fill the car with petrol and help me get the bags into the house.
If he needs anything from the supermarket he has to write it down and his choices are censored by the healthy eating police!

I should add that, very occasionally, he goes to the supermarket with a detailed list. Obviously anything that can go wrong does go wrong and I end up with some unexpected items such as tinned rice pudding instead of basmati rice, or naan instead of corn wraps. A classic was vegetarian bacon which he did not enjoy...

My husband is under strict instructions not to help with the laundry.
On the other hand I'm under orders to stay out of his kitchen.
It works for me!