Do you have a ‘helpful’ husband?

I think I’m thoroughly spoiled. My DH does the cooking, cleaning, washing, shopping etc. all without being asked! We have been married 53 very happy years. He always did shift work so he just got on with anything that needed doing whilst I was at work. My friends are always asking if he has any brothers . My 3 sons are all pretty good in the home too.

you have not met my hubby frank spence/mr bean benny from crossroads and david from heartbeat rolled in one,he break everything its so annoying,simple tasks broken/dropped etc,i age daily by his hopelessness,i feel your pain 20 fold believe me

Mine likes shopping and cooking. I take care of laundry because I quite like it. I would hate to have help with it! He mows the lawn, I do the weeding. We change the bed together.

Be grateful! My husband does nothing

Who folds knickers? I do, what do you do scrumple them in to a creased up ball and shove them any how into a drawer? Mine are folded and put under the clean ones in a drawer. I have two piles one white and one for coloured. It takes no time and keeps everything neat.

What happens in these households with distinct roles for man and women if one of the partners is ill, or even dies? Surely both sexes need to be capable of looking after themselves, including cooking.

We married late, which perhaps made it easier to decide who does what with regards to housework etc.

I made it clear from the start that I do not in any circumstances do any repairs that necessitate using power-tools, hammers or screws, nor do I repair or service bicycles.

I would happily continue doing the washing and do it for both of us, clean the flat properly once a week, but would appreciate help tidying up the things that have to be put away before cleaning, or when we know visitors are coming.

I would also gladly continue to cook, and as DH cooks as well, we could take it in turn, neither interfering when the other is cooking.

Cleaning the cat tray, decorating the Christmas tree and putting the decorations away are my jobs.

Carpentry, putting up shelves, repairing electric items, re-hanging doors are his jobs. I will help if asked to and told precisely what help is needed- making comments such as "just hold this will you" is no good. I want to know what "this" is, how heavy it is , and where I am to hold it before embarking on the project. I am not a mind-reader when it comes to household repairs!

I try to be just as explicit when I ask for help "will you help me fold this sheet lengthwise down the middle, please?" rather than "I need help folding this" - the kind of remark which tends automatically to make me say as my father would have done, "Well, you may, but what has that to do with me? If you need help, ask for it politely."

On the rare occasions DH has helped hang out washing, I didn't comment on how it was done, as I have known since I was a child of six that every woman in the world has her own system, based on that of whoever taught her to hang out washing.

Formerly, DH hoovered floors and I washed them - nowadays his back is too bad, so I do both and what I don't get round to doesn't get done.

You are so so lucky to have a husband who attempts to help. I would love my husband to help but he has multiple sclerosis and dementia and unfortunately can't help anymore . I envy you x

My husband is an absolute darling…he sometimes does things in a different way from the way I like, but if I gently explain it, he always remembers and alters his behaviour accordingly. I really couldn’t cope without him.

My DH has been WFH through all the lockdowns, and still is. If this is a dry run for retirement, it doesn’t bode very well! He makes me lunch every day, which is very civilised, but as his ‘turn’ at cooking the evening meal, he buys COOK ready meals which aren’t necessarily to my taste, and then silks if I say I don’t fancy what’s on offer. (Covid has played havoc with my sense of taste and my appetite). He does hoover, but not right up to the edges of the room, which drives me spare. I have some kind of chronic pain condition which means I have no spare energy at all, even to be tactful about anything I’m not happy with! He also will come into the kitchen while I’m cooking and follow me round, cleaning up after me, putting things I’ve just got out back into the fridge, etc.

Fortunately he’s very good at his job!

People complain if husbands don't help and they complain if they do. Just be thankful that you have a caring husband....count your blessings. Oh and maybe just gently explain how you want it done to him rather than complaining on here...

DH is the original Mr Doolittle , glued to his reclining chair, how I envy you ladies, Nothing will make him help.

One of my children taught me that clothes dry anyway, even if not all the towls are next to one another. So let's just be thankful we do have help, even if it's just bringing all the paper bins from the bedrooms, downstairs, for emptying. It's when you have arthritis and sciatica and scoliosis that you appreciate this...

Things worked well with each of us doing the jobs that we did best, until my decline with osteoarthritis in September 2020 and subsequent hip replacement. I was of course grateful that DH was seemingly willing to undertake jobs that I couldn't do but not only does he continue to 'do things for me', whether I want it or not , he has become an expert and often tells me how I should do the housework tasks that I did by myself for the first 40 odd years of marriage. He has also become a laundry 'expert', which involves either washing tiny amounts or bunging everything in together, regardless of colour, washing instructions etc. I can't even talk about the hanging out! I am hoping that the cost of running the washing machine unnecessarily over the coming months will put him off!
Each sticking to the jobs that they do best, suits me the most.

Have you ever tried colour catching sheets You just put one or two sheets in and when the wash is finished the surplus colour has gone onto the sheets and not the clothes. I wonder what this thing is with men and washing machines , I can't get a look in with ours. He has completely taken over.

I do the cooking and cleaning and washing and my husband does the washing up, cuts the grass and puts the bins out. He chops onions because they really hurt my eyes but I am a much better and quicker cook than he is so he doesn’t interfere in that. Anything to do with power tools or cars he does mainly because that bores me to death and I have no interest in learning or doing it. He is always willing to go to the shops if I have forgotten anything. I like to hang the washing out myself, don’t want any help but I don’t have to tell him that, he just senses it.

My husband is amazing, he can do any household task and gets better at mastering new tasks as he gets older. He is 75 and still works. He is luckily fit and healthy. He talks of baking his own bread when he eventually gives up work and cooking what used to be known as nouvelle cuisine as he likes small plates of beautifully presented food. I like a clean well-run home but I don't obsess about any of it. I am happy for him to take over any tasks that he cares to. I also still do some work as a therapeutic counsellor and am also in my mid-seventies. This is a really happy time in our relationship. I am thankful on a daily basis for having this man in my life and desperately hope that we can share many more years together.

My DH does the garden, cleans the shower and hangs the washing out - Everything else is my job - whatever he doesn't like doing!

How I envy most of you. My husband of 50 years is a case of "the spirit is willing but.....". His mother actually told me before we married that I would need a lot of patience. Unfortunately I am not patient and it has been a major issue in our lives.

He almost never does anything without being asked (and reminded several times). He is pretty competent at general DIY and I am useless, but I have a long list of things that need repairing that will never get done. He almost never notices when something is broken, needs painting, or whatever. He is unbearably slow at everything he does, so while he does mow the lawns it takes him all day at a snail's pace. My garden should be lovely but it is full of things that spoil it such as damaged fences, weeds in flowerbeds, tumble-down walls. He CAN do all these things (I have some disabilities) but I am wasting my time to imagine they will ever be done.

When we retired I became aware of just how little he had ever done around the house compared to me and I attempted to give him some responsibilities. He does do the washing and loads the dishwasher, but things like hoovering get ignored for weeks or months.

Friends tell me how lucky I am that he does the shopping - but he is addicted to the supermarket and goes almost every day for "a few bits and bobs" (they see him there) and again it's two hours of a job each time.

I don't let him near financial stuff, he'd have us overdrawn in days.

I'm not sure whether to celebrate our golden wedding in October or top him!

My OH is totally useless. Yesterday he emptied the dishwasher for the first time in 3 months. Admittedly he's not been will for a couple of months and has a few days in hospital, but he's not that bad.
If any of you lovely people out there with useful, domesticated, helpful husbands, feel like lending me yours for a few days, please let me know!! They would be gratefully received.

I can't trust my husband with secateurs, nor can I mention weeds as his answer is to make up a can of weedkiller. He will and does do everything in the house, as he is my carer. He can be overpowering, smothering and hideously cannot put anything back where it should be. Having been married since '85 I frequently remember my Grandmother's phrase, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

Lindylou57

Who folds knickers? I do, what do you do scrumple them in to a creased up ball and shove them any how into a drawer? Mine are folded and put under the clean ones in a drawer. I have two piles one white and one for coloured. It takes no time and keeps everything neat.

Just browsed this thread and read your comment. I’ve no idea why, but it made me go and fold all my knickers in the drawer, where they’re usually just “shoved”! I expect they’re not folded to the perfection of some people’s expectations, but I’m disproportionately pleased . Thank you!

My DH washes up in cold or lukewarm water, hangs washing out with no pegs (just drapes it over the line), makes disgusting meals from time to time……….but he’s still quite sexy and he makes me laugh, so I probably won’t trade him in after 51 years

My DH comes from a large family and his father always did all the ironing, he automatically did ours since we married 40 years ago. We share everything else and mostly I am happy with what he does (there are occasional exceptions, but I quietly sort them). He never cooks or encroaches on my kitchen space but that suits us both fine. I guess I have just been lucky.

I am lucky to have a husband who wants to help - - except he never finishes any job! - Insists on washing up after dinner - Great! - but if the dirty crocks are not in the sink / dishwasher which he hates using - but on a work surface on the other side of the kitchen - that's where I find them an hour later when he has ' finished'. He does his own washing but drapes the items over the line - 'can't be fiddled with pegs.' I don't mind this as he does all his own ironing so crumpled jeans, shirts etc are his problem not mine. He does use the iron too hot on some things and when I come to use it there is a sticky deposit on the under plate where he has melted something in one of his items. However - - I say nothing about all these things - irritating as they are - I am just grateful to have him after 22 years living on my own before we met.!! Men are programmed differently to women.!

My ex husband thought he would be helpful, The washing machine I had at that time used did not spin the drip dry things until you flicked the short spin feature. I was out and he thought he would empty the machine. He broke the catch on the door and flooded the kitchen floor and the sitting room. He says he thought the machine was broken and certainly broke it then.