Grandaughter's wedding (not invited)

Looking at it from the bride and groom's side, it can be a nightmare deciding where to draw the line on invites, unless you are in a position to invite anyone and everyone, so much so that I know that dealing with the fallout of hurt feelings can overshadow the pleasure and happiness in arranging to be married. You are invited to a later 'do' to which you can accept or decline, the OP and husband's decision.

I’d be very hurt too - surely Grandparents should be top of the list - made me sad to read that xxx

You don't say where your grandaughter is getting married. Presumably guests are expected to meet their own travel expenses. Fine if the wedding is somewhere nearby, but not if it is at the other side of the world. Could your grandaughter be considering problems of long distance travel for older people? Just a thought. I note they are having a party at a later date, so perhaps this is where most of their friends will be. You might enjoy this party more than the wedding itself!

Text back : “that was a surprise certainly not what we’d expected.
Have a lovely day. Well celebrate just the 2 of us. “

Being hurt doesn't mean necessarily doing anything about it.

When I got married my mother invited 200 people to the reception and another 200 for dinner, all distant family and friends of my parents. I didn't know half of them. The venue wasn't big enough to also invite our own friends. My mother decided everything, the menu, the decoration etc. Yes, my parents paid for everything, but no, it wasn't my idea of my own wedding. Just saying that I do understand why people choose to have a very small and private wedding.

Baggs

My parents' view was that the actual marriage ceremony is a public event and anyone can attend whether it's held in a church or a regsiter office. And that it's only the party afterwards (used to be the wedding breakfast) that is by invitation only.

Ditto funerals and wakes.

If this is true the hurt grandfather could attend the actual wedding/marriage ceremony of his grand-daughter.

In my view wedding parties (or whatever the preferred term is) are over-rated and in many cases a waste of money. MrB has quoted a statistic several times about the more money spent on a wedding the more likely the marriage is likely to end in divorce. Not sure where he got that from. Has anyone else seen such?

My view too. A timber supplier used by my DH showed him the book of wedding photos to him, telling him how much the whole shebang cost - a lot at the time. About a year later his daughter had run off with the firm's auditor. He was extremely annoyed.

In our twenties we went to the wedding of two friends who had been living together for some time. Father of the bride insisted that, because her parents had put up with the two living together, the happy couple would have to put up with his choice of wedding. It was lovely - bride in Gina Fratini, mother and sister in Jean Muir. 120 people at the reception drank at least 120 bottles of champagne. The food was smoked salmon and caviar. Our old Beetle looked out of place in the car park with the Rolls and Bentleys etc. That marriage lasted less than 2 years.

Yes Baggs, your husband is right.

Madeleine45 a lovely, thoughtful post. Just one thing - the newspapers printed on the day of the birth, wedding etc do not contain the news of the day. You should buy the papers for the following day which will, of course, give details of the events on the day in question.

JLR1220

I wouldn’t text a reply. Send a beautiful wedding card with a note that you hope their special day is perfect in every way and that you look forward to having a photo you can frame for your home. See you at the celebration!! This way you’re gracious, respectful and….always a role model. As another person wrote, one less event to prepare for, get dressed up for etc. Do something special and have a toast to the newlyweds!! Cheers!

beautiful response

Just turn up. Sorry its outrageous.

rafichagran

I find that thoughtless, even if they invited both sets of Grandparents it would still be a small wedding.
I would just text them back and wish them well.

It depends on your definition of small. One of the rooms at our local register office holds just 10 people which includes the couple getting married.
I've been to a wedding there and it was lovely. There weren't many relatives so no noses were out of joint.

Ofcourse your husband is hurt. But I wouldn’t take it too much to heart, because none of the grandparents are invited. Enjoy the celebration. Do what JLR1220 suggests.

I agree with Namsnanny

We were not invited to my
nephew’s wedding -found out from other family members
who were invited.My sister
went with all her family and
has not told me how it went.My
children are puzzled as they were invited to their weddings.It is now the elephant in the room when I speak to my sister.It was not a small wedding.I feel it is very final as my brother only has me and my sister on his side of the fsmily.

Granddaughter probably wants a very small wedding as her father is not there to 'give her away' so very understandable. Obviously having 4 sets of GP's there makes it bigger which she does not want. I can understand the upset but personally I would be more upset about the way you've been informed about this. Surely she could have visited or phoned to explain her reasoning. It's a done deal now so all you can do is wish her well and try to avoid any bad feeling.

When my MiL married the second time, our children were 4,2 and 6 months. I was told by her that they were to be left in the care of her home help and not allowed at the wedding. My OH was seated at the top table. I was relegated to the outermost table by the exit!! All these years on it still rankles.

Paddington1914

Just turn up. Sorry its outrageous.

No, no, no!
I hope this is meant as a tongue in cheek comment.

I’d be hurt but wish them well and then leave it at that. So sorry for you.

My heart goes out to you. My Son and his wife did not invite any of our friends that had known him from babyhood including his Godmother to their wedding and I was upset. I just failed to understand how they could invite people they had known for 5 minutes and not people who had supported him throughout his life.

Suzysaluki

For some couples, it is about the relationship with their guests, how well they get along, same core interests, etc

It is not about the number of years or titles given to the person

So hurtful and insensitive, particularly as her father is deceased (your husband's son). That's the worst part. She/they will regret it one day. It's supposed to be a family occasion. Hope they have a change of heart

I think it depends how close you are to them? I'd just go to the evening do.

It doesn't matter who feels upset or hurt, it's their day and they've said they'll be having a party for all and sundry at a later date, they clearly not only want a small event but with the younger people in their lives.
It's not up to anyone but them who gets invited, be grateful you've got an invite to the party, get shirty about it and they'll cancel that invite - I would if it were my wedding!

Texts are normal these days, so don't feel hurt about that. As for the actual wedding, well, I would be relieved tbh as I am not a fan of weddings. It's most likely all about finances and not meant as a personal slight, hurtful though you might find it. Send a text back saying you look forward to being at the later celebration.

Do you have a good relationship with the bride and groom or is it distant? If it is close, maybe mention that you would like to be a part of such a special day.