Hello, newbie here, looking for support.
My eldest got a full scholarship abroad and left home last August. I was alright when she left and the weeks after that. It only hit me hard this month as at first she wasn't coming home for Christmas due to exams. I was depressed. That would have been my first Christmas without her. Thankfully, she managed to come home for a week. I hadn't realised how much I had missed her and seeing her was like a Christmas miracle. Then suddenly I was overwhelmed by a sudden sadness. She would be gone in a matter of days. Christmas day came and went. I managed to smile and we went out together but my heart remained heavy with sadness. So, is this how my life is going to be for the next 4 years? Counting the days for the next holiday when she will be coming home and then dreading to say goodbye again?
I have two other kids in high school and middle school who are still living with me, so my nest is not exactly empty. But why am I feeling like this??
I have never been a clingy or emotional person. Now I am a complete emotional wreck who feels weepy all the time. I lost appetite and am developing insomnia. I still drive my other kids to school every morning and go to work, but everything feels like a struggle. This isn't me and I hate feeling like this.
She is happy and adjusting very well both academically and socially. I am very proud and happy for her. At the same time, I desperately want her to move back home with us. I feel guilty and selfish for even wanting it. I am playing the role of a supportive mum in front of her but it feels more like an act because in reality, my heart is breaking for not having her at home.
Is this how the empty nest feels or is it something else? I'm not sure how to cope with this.
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