Left feeling upset by Mother's Day

Maybe the post is being slower than usual. My daughter says she has sent one.

I wonder if your post might be late. 2 of my adult children sent cards, one on Wed and one on Thursday, both by first class. They still haven't arrived today. Luckily they mentioned this to me, otherwise I too would have been disappointed.

You are a mother every day FarTooYoungForThis - not just once a year.

If you know that everything is fine with your relationships I think just put it aside.
There will be telling you that they love you and care for you on other days.

I don't think it's that as my daughter doesn't sent cards for any occasion. The lack of a text message or phone call was upsetting though.

I got an offer of a phone call and took it up for the evening. I'd think I'd say something when I was with them and "the moment is right" but confine it to something along the lines of "can we have a nice phone call next Mothers Day, missed you in March".

Saying "no presents, I would rather you save your money." maybe implies they "ought" to have done something present wise and might ruffle feathers?

but you said on your O/P "even a text or call" and maybe its better to ask for less and get "enough". You might even get more...

Families are so different tho, aren't they? Is this really unusual this particular year?

Stories abounded on GN about being taken for lunch, presents, flowers etc, facebook pictures of huge bunches of flowers, but I would never had expected those anyway, and my mum always said she didn't want a fuss but got a card.

My DS who never forgets phoned to ask me if my card had arrived. It hasn't.
I only get mail a couple of times a week so perhaps that's the reason.

FarTooYoungForThis I understand where you are coming from.
Both my children were with-by design or accident-their step mother.
It hurt, I kept quiet, but shed a few tears.

I ‘hide’ from Mothering Sunday ever since I lost my parents. It just hurts too much.

I think planning to do something nice for yourself is a good idea.

The main thing is you say that everything is fine with your relationship, the estrangement thread has many sad tales…

My DS and DD are chalk and cheese. DD phones regularly and for Mother’s Day, card and flowers. Not a peep from DS. He thinks all these ‘made up’ days are just commercial clap trap and he has a point. We have an extremely close relationship and get on like a house on fire.
These so called special days have a lot to answer for.

😢💐

Wyllow3

I got an offer of a phone call and took it up for the evening. I'd think I'd say something when I was with them and "the moment is right" but confine it to something along the lines of "can we have a nice phone call next Mothers Day, missed you in March".

Saying "no presents, I would rather you save your money." maybe implies they "ought" to have done something present wise and might ruffle feathers?

but you said on your O/P "even a text or call" and maybe its better to ask for less and get "enough". You might even get more...

Families are so different tho, aren't they? Is this really unusual this particular year?

Stories abounded on GN about being taken for lunch, presents, flowers etc, facebook pictures of huge bunches of flowers, but I would never had expected those anyway, and my mum always said she didn't want a fuss but got a card.

Wyllow3 yes unusual this year, waiting for a text or phone call, it was crazy how often I kept checking my phone. Had a cry in the evening. AC is due to visit in a few weeks and it would be usual for them to bring a present then. I don't expect it and would rather a text message or phone call on the day. If they lived nearer then to see them would be lovely. That's my thought behind saying no presents next year, I wouldn't say that if they didn't give presents anyway. It takes away any expectations. It's not really about what I see in the media. It's comparing it to what I always did for my mum.

My other two adult children always get stuff right on the day. My eldest son never does just had my Mother’s Day card today, he brought it over. 😬🤗..

" It's comparing it to what I always did for my mum."

Ah, dear FarTooYoungForThis I understand your upset, but thats not realistic, is it?

The main thing is that they clearly do love you. Cherish that xxx

FarTooYoungForThis, the younger generation can be thoughtless - but I should think your DH will let them know (in no uncertain terms) just how upset you felt and maybe remind them in future.

We're all different, though. I don't take much notice of 'occasions', don't like cards - but got flowers and visits over the weekend. As usual, I felt awkward - as I don't do any 'mothering' these days, just a little babysitting of the grandkids.

I just really hope that they don't feel obligated to do it, or (worse) resent all the time and effort taken - as I'm really not fussed.

Sorry to hear nothing arrived on Mothers day for you.
I would be upset too. Maybe tell them when you see them? Or if you can’t say anything face to face ….send a text/ what’s app saying you were sad on the day to receive no contact. They do need to know!!!
I’m sure you don’t forget their birthdays or forget to send greetings for other occasions.
Mean of them I think. It’s highly publicised so unless you’ve said ‘before not to bother’ they should have made some effort on the day.

How do they treat you the rest of the year?

That is more important than just this one day

My boys all called me up and wished me a Happy Mothers day. However my DH whom I do a lot for didn't really say anything. She was out with her children and ex for the day so I'm thinking she was busy with them and didn't realize she hadn't really said anything. It is what it is though. It's my issue not theirs. Just wished a hug had come my way.

my husband says he has to remind all my children

It's just an American social construct.. they love you.. much more important..

I wouldn't bother yourself or work yourself up about telling them. Just plan to do something lovely for yourself next year.
Nothing is worse than sitting and waiting for a phone call. Go out.
It's only a commercial thing these days anyway'. I never got a card for years when DD lived abroad their day was different I think May and she couldn't get a card and didn't bother phoning.
.

Are your children of the thought that it is a lot of commercialism from the US? Perhaps they value you all year and not just on one day. Expectations will always bring disappointment and I must confess that I do find these smug people who are always so 'blessed' a trifle twee.

Yammy yes, thanks. I think I'll just let it go and plan something lovely for myself next year.

LRavenscroft no I don't think they are. They just don't do cards for anyone or any occasion. Probably just
busy and didn't think.