Left feeling upset by Mother's Day

A double edged day for me. Nothing from one AC as they have a controlling partner who does not "allow" communication with family. The other AC a reconciliation after a few years of nc and an apology for being so one sided in their view of the divorce between me and their other parent. Strange day 🤔

We don’t do cards any more.Both sons phoned and I got flowes too and champagne. Neither lives in this country. But their father taught them to behave this way.

Sorry you felt sad, I have to agree that would have upset me to. I honestly don’t believe there is an excuse these days it’s advertised every where months in advance. I do feel these adult kids need to up their game.

I have had it for years, I am always giving birthday Christmas and gord knows what else to the son's and their families, but on my birthday, mothers day, Christmas nothing not even a text message. I am always there for them I am forever replacing furniture ovens an other electrical equipment monty is always being borrowed and never given back, Two years ago I had enough after spending a small fortune on the for christmas I was sat with my husband on Christmas day, and I told him if I do not get even a text message wishing us happy christmas then I am finished. True to form I got nothing not even the text message. from that day on I have not given them anything, even though my DIL wrote a text to me to reminding me I had 4 grandchildren I just wrote back I have not forgotten, I have also not forgotten that you have never wished us so much as a happy Christmas in a 2 second text unfortunately for you it works both ways. My giving days are over,

I feel very much in the minority .
I get something from my girls, a quick text from my son, I appreciate it it, but certainly wouldn’t be upset if none of them bothered.
As for any interference from my husband, the thought makes me cringe.
I think it’s a really sweet thing for little children to do something for their mums, but grown adults being upset, I just frankly don’t understand it.

I feel for you thomasina that’s really sad that they do not bother, you sound a lovely caring mum I cannot believe your dil text you to remind you you have 4 grandchildren. You have done the correct thing why should it be one sided. Sorry to hear this. It does make you wonder why your family are grabby!

I feel your pain OP. My son didn't send a card, call or text me either.

He lives in another part of the country and always comes back to our home city to see me for MD, but this year he delayed his visit by a couple of days because it's also my birthday tomorrow and he told me a few months back that he'd bought me a ticket for a show that's on tonight (that I have absolutely no interest in) as my joint MD and birthday present.

Who buys someone (especially their mum) something they know full well won't be enjoyed or even wanted? In my mind, it's totally thoughtless, like buying (normal) chocolates for a diabetic.

This is a show that he wants to see and he bought tickets for himself, his partner (who also has no interest in it) and me, so not exactly what I'd call something special for MY celebrations.

Today, he told me that as I don't want to go (even though he's known for months), he'll not be having any further contact with me, and that the voucher (that he's only just dreamt up) he was 'thinking' about giving me as part of my MD present, he won't be giving because the cost of it will cover the cost of the wasted theatre ticket, which by the way, his partner's grabby friend jumped at the chance of taking off his hands (for free) and will be going in my place.

So not only have I not even had a happy mothers day message, I'm not getting one for my birthday either. Needless to say, I'm feeling decidedly unloved and unwanted by my son this week too.

The origin of Mothering SUNDAY is that… it is Mid Lent or Laetare, origins were religious when we consider Mother Church. Has been well and truly commercialised now. Don’t buy into it.

You say you don’t want to receive a card or text “out of duty” but isn’t that what Mother’s Day is about?
Personally I’d rather received a card or phone call because from family because they want to, rather than because it’s a date on the calendar

The media make so much out of this don't they. That is why it is blown up out of proportion. I have told my children I never want to celebrate on "the day". I don't wish to go out with hordes of others so I quietly celebrated with one of them, a week before. It was fabulous. Just us. That made it special. I got on with gardening on the actual Mother's Day, whilst the other one totally forgot. I had already arranged that I would spend the day in the garden and thankfully the sun shone all day. My neighbours seemed to gloat......."Oh, what did you DO for Mother's Day then". Quite honestly I know where I sit with my children and whether they send a card or not is irrelevant. I think it's a healthy way to think, on a day that never used to be quite so hyped up. No wonder we feel let down and disappointed. Next year.....plan it differently. Ask them if they want to celebrate with you can you do it the week before or the week after. Then DO something special-for-yourself on Mother's Day. Congratulate yourself of have raised gorgeous children, whatever their traits may be.

DeeJays mum - please, please dont fall out over a show or Mother's Day present. As the saying goes, it’s the thought that counts, even if in this case it was a little one sided!

PS I feel so sad for many people with heartbreaking stories . Some virtual flowers and a hug for everyone. 💐

And I hope that I never hurt my lovely mother the way some people here have been hurt, she was wonderful and I know I wasn't perfect, but I always did my best 💕

Why bother,if you love them and it’s reciprocated then it should be enough, a phone call would have been nice for you.
But I don’t think they realise how much it matters .

DeeJaysMum

I feel your pain OP. My son didn't send a card, call or text me either.

He lives in another part of the country and always comes back to our home city to see me for MD, but this year he delayed his visit by a couple of days because it's also my birthday tomorrow and he told me a few months back that he'd bought me a ticket for a show that's on tonight (that I have absolutely no interest in) as my joint MD and birthday present.

Who buys someone (especially their mum) something they know full well won't be enjoyed or even wanted? In my mind, it's totally thoughtless, like buying (normal) chocolates for a diabetic.

This is a show that he wants to see and he bought tickets for himself, his partner (who also has no interest in it) and me, so not exactly what I'd call something special for MY celebrations.

Today, he told me that as I don't want to go (even though he's known for months), he'll not be having any further contact with me, and that the voucher (that he's only just dreamt up) he was 'thinking' about giving me as part of my MD present, he won't be giving because the cost of it will cover the cost of the wasted theatre ticket, which by the way, his partner's grabby friend jumped at the chance of taking off his hands (for free) and will be going in my place.

So not only have I not even had a happy mothers day message, I'm not getting one for my birthday either. Needless to say, I'm feeling decidedly unloved and unwanted by my son this week too.

My husband told me he was getting tickets to see a Beatles tribute band as a birthday treat for me and that our our two sons would go with us too. I liked the Beatles in their day but have no interested whatsoever now. In the event they only had two tickets left - I told him to go with our eldest son as he’d been looking forward to the show and would enjoy it more than me…… 🤣🤣🤣

DeeJaysMum - I may be wrong but I think you have posted about the show elsewhere.
I feel you really should have accepted the not-very-exciting ticket.
If another offer comes along (ever) I suggest you just go.

I wouldn't give it a second thought but then I do think it is just a commercial exercise and becoming worse each year. Some Motgers I know were discussing what their chokdren had given or done for Mother's Day and it was bordering on a competition of who had been given the most. Perhaps your AC have decided not to succumb to all the hype. Uoj have a good relationship with them, what else do you want?

Some people seem to expect a lot for Mother’s Day, large sums of money, theatre tickets, most people would surely be happy with a bunch of daffs

My daughter does send a card and buy a present but it really doesn’t bother me. I know my daughter loves me and I don't need a card or specific day to prove it.

I'm sorry you were so disappointed. I would have been too. I think you said they have no children. When they do, things will be different.

Palmtree

I wonder if your post might be late. 2 of my adult children sent cards, one on Wed and one on Thursday, both by first class. They still haven't arrived today. Luckily they mentioned this to me, otherwise I too would have been disappointed.

The post is dreadful and has been for months on end. Our postman/lady can come any time between 9.30 am and 12.30 pm! Some things arrive next day and others a week later.

I think as we get older we do value tokens of appreciation more. I think the advice to do something for yourself next year is sound. If your relationship is good at other times, just let this small disappointment go. 🌻

Don’t feel upset, I too experienced a no-show on Sunday , both my daughters live miles away and one was at a retreat. But come Monday morning and then Tuesday morning I received the most beautiful or funny touching cards from them both. Yes they didn’t allow enough time for posting but Royal Mail let them down too. We have to move on.

I feel your pain FarTooYoungForThis. Mothers Day is a massive guilt trip for all concerned. I look at some posts on Facebook with all the over blown comments from others about their wonderful mothers. Making me feel a failure as a parent 😞. My kids usually remember but be we don’t make much of a fuss and I’ve always found Mother’s Day a bit of a trial. This year wasn’t great for complicated reasons and because of a family issue it just served to make the whole day a lot harder. It’s all just a money making con in my opinion. I’m sure your AC love you more than you know and one day they will regret not showing it more. One thing I’ve learnt with growing older is that you still get hurt by those close to you but true maturity is learning to suck it up and still give unconditional love back. Take care you are loved 💐

I have 2 Adult DS and neither said, text or any sort of message or card on mothers day. I even saw 1 of them as I was passing having seen my own mother. Their partners sent gifts to their mithers. Gutted, saddened and disheartened. Where did I go wrong!?

I was staggered this year all four of my children sent a card (unheard of!!) and two of them bought me presents (the two girls) My amazing step-daughter always sends a lovely granny card from her son, our only much loved grandson, and text me and sent flowers, but then she lost her own beloved mother four years ago. This was my first Mothering Sunday without my own dear mother x