Sandwich generation feeling resentful

No, Yvette, you are an awful person. Imo you feeling bad is your body's way of saying you are doing too much.
Several of our family tried to get my mother to take up a hobby when she retired, even more so when she was widowed a year later. No. She wasn't interested. Can you get your mum into listening books or jigsaws?
I wonder if we Gransnetters think about how we'll fill our time when we are in a similar situation?

I think sometimes it is normal to feel resentful but it isn't healthy or helpful. Can you prioritise your time? Do you get any support for 'you'?

I think people really don;t value how important family care givers are and how overwhelming it can be

Chardy, I think you missed out the word 'not'

I understand exactly how you feel.I posted on the carer's threads a couple of years ago and got lovely support. My very elderly, frail mum was very resistant to care in her own home but wasn't coping or safe.For a few years I went increasingly and ended up taking meals,showering cleaning etc whilst also doing a couple of very early starts a week with grandchildren plus some overnight stays. And yes did feel a touch resentful at times.Much as I love my mum -she's now in a care home -she had none of the above to cope with and a carefree retirement. I'm still glad I have been there for her,but it would have been a hell of a lot easier if she had worked with us and allowed some outside help sooner.We're only human.I hope you find some way to keep a balance and look after yourself more.

Similar situation, in my 60s, still working full time. Caring for elderly dad with memory problems and frailty and adult children with ASD. I also work 37.5 hours per week. Local Carers charity are a lifeline they're part of the Carers Trust and run support groups and training courses. I agree with the comments about trying to rest when you can. I've done an online shop for dad this week because I couldn't face staggering around the nearest town to get his shopping, because he has specific foods he wants.

I empathise. I had times in my 50s when I always felt I should be somewhere else. At home felt I should be at mums, at work I should be at home, looking after my family that I should be looking after my family member with addictions/mental health problems.
Inevitably my own health began to shout at me. I listened and worked out what I was able to do safely for me. As others have said, self care, prioritising our own needs as well, isn’t selfish and it is essential

Also in this situation and no siblings to help. I cant help feel resentful that I retired early to have no responsibilities but now just have different ones .

After ten years of caring for three elderly parents, I just about lived to tell the tale. Six years on and I am still coming up for air. Sadly, it drained me of any emotion or empathy I had left so now I operate on a kind of substitute form of empathy where I recognise the emotion but don't feel it. I have no time for people who moan about minor things and can be very intolerant towards spoilt people. Please look after yourself as no one else will do it for you. Take time out and see if there are corners you can cut or delegate.

Visiting carers don’t generally seem to take the strain with the ‘needy & lonely elderly’ as there are large gaps where family bear the brunt. We looked after Mil, for as long as we could (until it became dangerous) We were actually exhausted and our lives were being dominated by her antics. In the end she agreed to go for respite into a care home, it turned into a permanent arrangement as 3 weeks in she realised it was ok! Hardly anyone wants to go into a care home but often it is the best solution for everyone.

I think all of you caring for elderly patents are wonderful, it must be so hard. If it wasn't for you really they round be in a home. You love them but are pulled in all directions. Please take care if your needs or you will need help. This country with a rapidly expanding generation we need more safe and affordable take care homes, where people are not scared to go into. It's not really fair of elderly to expect so much of their children, I could not bear to see my son run ragged for me.
I would not expect my son and family to care for me, I shall fund my care by selling my home, but what happens when all the money has been used I don't like thinking about it.

I'm not surprised that you feel so worn out Yvette. Sending you a virtual hug and a reminder to take note of what other posters have said about taking care of yourself as much as you can.
It made me think that it's my job - and maybe yours too, fellow GNetters- to make sure that I think how I will navigate extreme old age ( should I be lucky enough to get there) without expecting too much of my" children" who will, potentially, be quite old themselves by then.

MerylStreep

Just remember: don’t rescue to the point where you have to be rescued. Then everyone’s in trouble.

Too much, far too much on your plate. You need to call a family meeting to explain how exhausted you feel, and find ways forwards. hugs

My 91 year old mother just won’t even contemplate moving into a home, she is quite unsteady. She is housebound and needing more and more of me and my sisters help. The house is falling down around her ears, and not too clean, the garden is just about kept under control by a lady who comes in when she can. My brother won’t help. She is always very grateful and thankful but I resent her as she was never there when I needed help when my children were young as she was always ‘too busy’.

I also have to deal with a daughter going through a messy marriage break up with a young child and my other daughter has two young children who are demanding and her husband works long hours.

My husband is as helpful as he can be but I seem to be in an ever descending spiral. I am going away to see a friend who lives in France next week and so looking forward to being just me and leaving the wife/mother/daughter part of me being in the UK.

Wow that’s a lot of looking after no wonder you feel resentful, I looked after my elderly father with Alzheimer’s he moved in with us I also worked full time, it was exhausting. My husband helped as he was on shift work, I also had power of attorney! Your family are expecting a lot school runs childcare and babysitting, I would have to stop some of that, you cannot be pulled every which way it’s not fair and you are retired too, I would be having a word with your family, it’s not right that you are running yourself ragged for other people, think of yourself. You are certainly not an awful person! I would be telling them to find alternate person for school runs twice a week, you can’t expect to go on like that, I used to look after my grandchildren after school but when my father became poorly my daughter said it’s too much and found other childcare arrangements