Separate bedrooms

When he realised he came in and demanded I get back into bed
This I would find very concerning no man whether ‘frightened’ lonely, or whatever should be demanding where you sleep !!!

DH and I have our own rooms. We decided to sleep separately due to widely different working patterns. I worked permanent night shift, he got up at 03:30 to start his early morning job. He didn't want to disturb my sleep during my nights off.
When we retired we continued as we were it suits us. I like my own bed.
When we go on holiday we request a twin room.

I fully agree Bluebelle!!!

kittylester

It seems to me that there is a big difference between having separate rooms and sleeping separately.

Yes. I was unlucky enough to get breast cancer at the same time as going through the menopause. I used to cry with tiredness. So in the end we decided to sleep in separate rooms so that if and when I got to sleep I wasn’t disturbed by DH. We did it as a trial to see if we minded.

Never looked back!

We have found that twin beds is a good compromise solution, particularly as I'm quite a light sleeper, and even in the king-size bed we used to have, DH's occasional thrashing around and even light snoring was disrupting my sleep. So much better now, and we're both better-rested. We've also both occasionally chosen to sleep in the spare room, sometimes when one of us has been ill, or has even needed some post-op peace. There's a small telly in there too, so that also gives us another option if we're having one of those restless nights when we're struggling to reach the Land of Nod. Do whatever works for you, and is likely to deliver a good night's kip for both of you.

BlueBelle

*When he realised he came in and demanded I get back into bed*
This I would find very concerning no man whether ‘frightened’ lonely, or whatever should be demanding where you sleep !!!

Exactly my thoughts too, BlueBelle, particularly as she was sleeping when he woke her.

We've slept in separate rooms for years now because one of us (ahem!) has a snoring issue! What works for you is what matters and is no-one else's business but yours.

We have had separate room for years due to DH’s health problems and now love having our own space. We have twin beds on holiday and just make it work. If anything I’d say our relationship is better as we’re both getting a decent amount of sleep. Till recently (health problems again) DH brought me tea or even breakfast in bed everyday!

Bellanonna Bluebell don't worry- He scuttled off realising he'd overstepped when I gave him shortshrift

Don’t worry about what others think about you being in separate bedrooms lippyqueen you do what you feel is right for you! I wouldn’t be bothered how others sleep, we don’t have separate bedrooms and have been together for 40 years my Dh snores and to be honest the only time I’ve known he does is the very rare occasion I’ve woken up to go to the toilet, so it doesn’t bother me, lots of people sleep separately for lots of reasons.

Not easy to accommodate visiting couples who won't sleep in same room however.

Perhaps one thing not mentioned in having ones own space but still loving/close, is that if one of you is having a v bad time you go into the other's for comfort/support.

I've talked this over with women friends over the years and a couple specifically said, oh, how nice to have your own space, but my husband wouldn't like it.

Fleurpepper

Not easy to accommodate visiting couples who won't sleep in same room however.

We never ask to have our own rooms. That would be extreme.

It's not that we don't like each other - we just sleep better apart.

Oh I get- but I know some people who do.

kittylester

Fleurpepper

Not easy to accommodate visiting couples who won't sleep in same room however.

We never ask to have our own rooms. That would be extreme.

It's not that we don't like each other - we just sleep better apart.

Yes indeed, same here. If we go on holiday, for example, we'd never book separate rooms - one of us would just wear really good earplugs!

I would miss my husband I really would. I can’t sleep properly when he’s not beside me daft but it’s true. Love it/when he gets up before me in a morning I spread out and enjoy the space! Daft!

When I was having chemo I moved into the spare room. We both love it now as we sleep so much better. It has made no difference to our relationship. We love each other just as much but not in the middle of the night!

I moved into the spare bedroom when I retired but Mr A was still getting up at 5 am. I also had a bad cough at the time that was keeping us both awake. The arrangement stayed, although we do share a bedroom when we want to. (And if we're away.) If I can't sleep I can sit up and watch TV or go and make a cup of tea without keeping Mr A awake. He can read as late as he likes and get up at whatever time he likes.

We have had our own bedrooms for years . DH is a bad sleeper and likes to listen to the radio in the night . He is up early while I rise later . I hate going on holiday and having to share a room again as I am forced to get up far too early for my liking and DH's toilet visits waken me up . We really should go self catering with a two bedroom house . I was complaing about this to my DD and her friend saying this sharing a room was terrible . The look on DD's friend's face was a picture. Eventually she asked " Who were you sharing with ? "

BlueBelle

*When he realised he came in and demanded I get back into bed*
This I would find very concerning no man whether ‘frightened’ lonely, or whatever should be demanding where you sleep !!!

My thoughts, too.

I'd never make such demands on my OH, so wouldn't accept such from him. Too controlling.

For the short time I was married one of the things I hated most was not having my own space in bed. One of the reasons I have never re-married. There have to be some consolations to being single.

Very happy sleeping together but separate bathrooms are a joy!

Not separate bedrooms for us but about 10 years ago we bought a SuperKing size bed.
Best purchase ever.

Yes, we have slept apart for over 20 years and we both get a better night sleep because of it. Ultimately, you have to do what suits YOU.

We have two king single beds with one king size sheet cover
So separate beds, with separate remotes (they move lol ) etc
Husband and I tried sleeping apart after his brain surgery and there were issues sleeping together.
After 18 months I got very grumpy and said enough is enough and we have the aforementioned king singles together.
As it isn't technically the same bed , the movement of one doesn't disturb the other. Husband can sleep through almost anything and I do pretty well with sleeping pills. I actually found it quite lonely as we waffle a lot at night
Mind you he does have his "own room " no bed ....ooohhh we have separate bathrooms as well. He has the ensuite in the other room and I have the main one.