Separate bedrooms

I did find that when I hit the perimenopause, I developed much higher levels of anxiety
which affected my sleep, having always been a light sleeper. I found I could not sleep with my ex husband's snoring levels and needed to sleep in the spare room to get some sleep. He did not like this and while I think it was my anxiety that magnified the loudness, it was the fact that he wouldn't accept he was a snorer that caused an underlying problem. I think you can now get an app that monitors snoring levels, which may have been helpful as it but useful in diagnosing conditions like sleep apnea. He has since lost a lot of weight, which although he was not significantly overweight, has reduced his snoring levels, but too late to save the marriage, but the marriage fell apart for many more reasons than just snoring.

We have had separate rooms since hubby had an op & needed more room in the bed! He likes the blinds open & I like it pitch black. He also has a noisy sleep apnoea machine so suits me fine. He also lokes to read his kindle in bed & even that small light disturbs me. We have a great marriage & do sleep together sometimes for cuddles!!

Marthjolly1

Bellanonna Bluebell don't worry- He scuttled off realising he'd overstepped when I gave him shortshrift

Oh I’m relieved to hear that Marthajolly

I’m 52 and my husband is 60. Separate bedrooms for the last 11 years due to OH snoring and fidgeting, and me being such a light sleeper, has saved our marriage.
I was having to have naps in the afternoon, driving to work while feeling so tired was dangerous, and my mental and physical health was suffering. I couldn’t go on like that.
The day my son moved out was the first day I’d had a good night’s sleep for years. OH didn’t really like it at first but begrudgingly accepted that he slept better, too, without being prodded in the ribs every night!
We tend to holiday in cottages and have separate bedrooms while there. The only time we share a room is when we’re camping, when for some reason OH rarely snores.
So, do what’s right for you. It’s nobody else’s business.

Have a twin room when going away.

I wasn’t keen at first but wouldn’t share a bed/bedroom again. If we do go away together (not often) we have twin beds, but if we are staying with friends we are happy with a double for a night or two. Our sleeping arrangements aren’t broadcast!?. Holidays aren’t a problem as we holiday separately too.

OH has taken to sleeping in spare room over last few months, we both get a far better nights sleep

Yes, we have a 'snoring room'. Means I can sleep properly.

We chose to start sleeping separately in different rooms early in the pandemic and have stayed that way ever since. Suits us both, we both sleep better and it hasn't affected our relationship one jot, so why not?

I’d love one! I’ve got insomnia, and it takes me quite a while to settle off to sleep, and my DH is disturbed if I have a reading light on. He’s also a dreadful sharer, I’ve had to buy a single duvet for myself because I was waking up freezing in the night when he’d pulled the duvet off me!

We have slept in separate rooms since I broke my ankle and leg over a year ago as I was afraid he would knock it in his sleep, I slept so much better not missing his loud snoring.
Although dh prefers to say he’s sleeping in the spare room so that it doesn’t sound permanent, when we go away we sleep together and I put up with him snoring

Go for it . You won’t regret it. Peace, quiet and good sleep.

Im 74 and love sleeping alone. My partner of 25 years and I just climb in together in either bed first thing in the morning for a chat and a cuddle and to plan for the day. Both happy to have our own space overnight. Also if Im having one of those wakeful nights, I can have a game on my Nintendo Switch before rolling over!

I now live on my own so it makes no difference to me.
It’s whatever suits each other. Getting a goodnights sleep is paramount. Sleepwell folks😴

Its personal choice ,our choice is together in a double bed ,usually we sleep on one pillow in the bed .Its what we've always done for all our lives apart from a short time when menopausal sweats almost floated him out of the bed.
Its still lovely to waken and watch him sleep or when he tells me I look beautiful in the morning sunlight .I dread a time when that stops ,he's my best friend, my lover ,the most important person in my life .Iwant as many of these moments as we can have...at almost 70 I know it wont be forever .

We have had separate rooms for many years due to his snoring and me getting up for the loo several times. We try to have self catering holidays but sometimes put up with sleeping together on cruises and all inclusives together with sleeping pills and ear plugs!! We never sleep well in same bed!

We generally went to bed together but I’d get up and move to the other room as I am the world’s worst fidgeter. My husband was poorly with cancer and had a catheter so needed his sleep and not to be subject to tossing and turning all night long. I found I was able to have my audio book on without earphones (bliss) and continue to do so now that I am alone. Separate beds did not mean separate lives until death took my love. It did mean a better sleep and ability to cope with all that life threw at us.

Been married 37 years and had separate bedrooms for 29 years. I am a light sleeper and my husband a terrible snorer! I am a lark and he is a night owl. Works really well. Love having my own space. My own problem is holidays with extended family when there isn’t the space available- I just have to realise my sleep will be severely compromised! Holidays together mean apartments rather than hotel rooms. I do think the holiday industry are missing a trick as many couples want adjoining rooms without paying over the odds

My solution to going away was self catering. I'm heartened by the number of gransnetters who have found a happy separate room solution.

Yet socially its still supposed to be an indicator of a failing marriage, when it's clearly the opposite from the posters here.

I'm single atm but having a separate room never precluded climbing in for good morning morning chats and hugs

Best thing ever separate bed and room s

Oh, ABSOLUTELY!
What took you so long?
Perfect solution.
ZZzzz…
USA Gundy

We've slept in different rooms for around 3 years. I have awful night flushes and spend most of the night turning my pillow and throwing the duvet off. Hubby snores, so unless I was asleep before him, I would be awake most of the night. We both sleep better and our marriage is fine. Newly retired we spend most of each day together doing things we both enjoy. When we go away, I always ask for twin beds and I have to put up with the snoring lol If it makes you both happy then go for it.

We too sleep in separate rooms initiated by my husband who is a light sleeper. While we both are able to sleep better alone I feel it has led to a room mate feel to our relationship. I miss the opportunities of connection and closeness that used to happen at night when we were younger . Also this happened at the same point after the change of life when that part of the relationship naturally slowed down so this makes it even more difficult to find moments when you both feel in the mood. I like the idea of separate beds same room but the noise of snoring and waking to read would still be a problem for him . 🤷‍♀️

25 years of sleeping apart …because my husbands stroke left him with a leg
that wouldn’t stop jerking ….if it wasn’t jerking I was waiting for it to jerk!! I was still working, as he was 50 and me 46 ‘
I stood it for 2 years then we split into separate rooms as soon as our youngest left home. Best for us both as he became a night owl and I was having to get up and out of house at 5.30…..best thing I ever did! Go for it.

….it’s really weird that couples won’t admit ,for the most part to sleeping separately or wanting to sleep separately!!