Separate bedrooms

My husband and I happily slept together all our married lives.
I still miss him after thirty years of being alone. We were so close.

Slept in separate bedrooms for years & DH snores,fidgets& gets up to go to the loo & don't see why I should have to suffer because of it as I have enough trouble sleeping anyway. Lots of other couples I know also do so in later years , no-one in our family thinks anything of it .

It's a kind of social pressure isnt it?

My DH moved into the spare room a good few years ago when he had a bad bout of bronchitis and we both realised how much better we slept! He’s never moved back!
Holidays etc aren’t really much of a problem…he suffers from restless leg syndrome and nights can be very disturbed. I try to book twin beds or at least a very large bed! It’s never an issue and hasn’t affected our relationship at all….in fact it’s better as I don’t wake up grumpy!

It's best to leave Grumpy sleeping *BassGrammy

If one of us has the flu or COVID we go into the spare room to sleep. No point spreading germs to the other. Other times we share a king-size bed. DH can sleep through anything. I can have my lamp on and read as he does not wake up. Each couple needs to do what suits them. I have a friend who sleeps in spare room 3 nights a week so gets good sleep then but likes to cuddle up to her DH the other nights.

My husband is a fidget in bed almost doing summersaults also snores so he decided to sleep in different bedroom, no big deal he’s only next door both get a more peaceful sleep, when on holiday we usually ask for twin beds and I take ear plugs just in case.

Galaxy62

My husband is a fidget in bed almost doing summersaults also snores so he decided to sleep in different bedroom, no big deal he’s only next door both get a more peaceful sleep, when on holiday we usually ask for twin beds and I take ear plugs just in case.

My husband is a fidget in bed almost doing summersaults...

🤣

paddyann54 What a lovely tribute to your husband. And to you, as it takes two to make a good relationship.

To be honest I'm a bit slow and never even realised that people would see our separate rooms as a failing marriage. But as it only affects Mr A and myself I don't care much how other people see it.

My husband has had Restless Legs Syndrome with Periodic Limb Movement Disorder for as long as I can remember. It made it impossible for me to get enough sleep in our double bed right from before our wedding. Fortunately for him his own sleep wasn’t disturbed for many years to come (it is now he’s 76).

We've had separate bedrooms for about 10 years now. It really is a game changer and I would recommend it to anyone.
For the first 15 years of our marriage my husband worked away during the week so I put up with the noise and heat (its like sleeping next to a furnace) at the weekends.
When we finally lived and worked in the same place we both struggled to get a good nights sleep. One of us would end up moving bedrooms after a couple of hours or so. And on one memorable occasion we both moved to different bedrooms, both convinced the other was keeping us awake!!
When we go on holiday I book a king/super king size bed or twin beds as the distance seems to help. Unfortunately none of bedrooms at home are big enough for us to change our bed.
When we visit our friends (who also have separate bedrooms) we accept that sleep will be elusive for a couple of nights, but I also take a Piriton tablet (despite it saying it is non drowsy it sends me straight to sleep).

We started sleeping in separate rooms a few years ago as DH had a bad shoulder and very disturbed sleep.Plus he snores badly at times.We were both shattered. He's had a op but we've continued separate rooms unless we have guests or family and need the spare room.In holiday we self cater with 2 rooms or twin beds which we push together. 41 years married and he still makes me laugh and we spend a lot of time together and love each other dearly.It works for us -and we've discussed it and made clear it's not a rejection of each other.Just a different kind of being comfortable with our relationship. Asked someone said it's hard to imagine now how soundly we slept when we were younger!

Separate rooms. So much better for us both. It hasn't changed our relationship one bit - if anything it's made it better. If we have anyone staying we're in together which is fine too for the short term. Holidaying in a hotel is always the large double bed.
Don't think twice - do what's comfortable and it's nobody's business but yours and your partner's.

My partner and I have had separate bedrooms for a few years. I'm a ligh sleeper, I even have to wear earrings every night as I get easily woken, yep I'm a pain. On the Plus side he's no longer disturbed by my fidgeting and reading during u night. When we go away I just get those earplugs in and cross my fingers 🤞. Getting a few decent hours of kip is very important for me. Wishing I was a better sleeper though.

We’ve had separate bed rooms for most of our marriage and as someone coyly said, it hasn’t affected our ‘relationship’! In fact it’s improved it, as we both get more sleep and can turn over when we want and get up and go to the loo when needed without disturbing the other person.

My husband comes to bed at about 2.00 and he claims I snore (!) so it works well for us.

My husband has the master bedroom and en-suite and I have a similar sized room with a bathroom next door, only I use it and I like this bedroom better as it’s the sunniest. I’ve decorated my room and use more it as a study bedroom. We both have a king sized bed.

Well off families often had separate bedrooms and I suspect it’s why wealthier people have often lived longer!

We try to get 2 single or double beds on holiday and if the budget will stand it, we get two rooms or a suite!

Just do what you want, it absolutely doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks - apart, of course, from your husband!

🌷🌷🌷

Separate bedrooms for us. We have been married 47 years and for the last 20 in our own rooms. Hubbie wasnt that keen when I first suggested it, but I was going through the menopause at the time and the night sweats were horrendous. I had three layers that were thrown off and put back on umpteen times a night and was sleeping on a bath towel. I moved out and within three nights he was completely OK with it all having finally got some undisturbed sleep! Initially we talked about sharing again post menopause, but by then we were both loving our own space. We usually go self catering for holidays with two bed properties. Visiting friends can be an issue, but lots of them live some distance away, so now we are both retired we book a two bed Air B and B for the visit and have a little holiday or long weekend at the same time.

My dh and I did a halfway house. Our king size duvet needed replacing but I had three spare single duvets and sets of linen so we share a bed but not the duvet. It is surprising how much better we sleep, not disturbed by turning over or fidgeting, I am a restless sleeper, dh is like a log. I have to get up in the night regularly so can do this without waking him. Also if one of us gets hot during the night we can throw off our duvets which I regularly have to do in the summer. It also makes changing the duvet easier, we do our own. I think dh is a bit competitive he really enjoys winning but he is not very good at it to be honest! As long as he doesn't do mine I don't mind.

Separate rooms after an op and it just stayed that way. If we happen to get a double bed on holiday neither of us notices the difference.

Wasn't sharing beds a sign of poverty at one time? Lack of space etc. Whereas the rich had their separate suites. Why let all those empty beds and bedrooms go to waste once the kids have left home!

Separately too, for all the reasons already given.
Havnt slept so well in years .
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My husband died just over a year ago and I would love to have him back occasionally disturbing my sleep - it is part of the intimacy of marriage and I think you will regret it if you move to separate bedrooms permanently. An occasional night to catch up on sleep is fine but a move to permanently separate rooms does not usually end well for the marital relationship x

We started sleeping apart about 2 years ago. I’m an extremely light sleeper who gets up a couple of times for the loo at night. He snores and snorts for England but rarely needs the loo at night. We do have a cup of ginger tea in bed at night and read before he moves away and then he returns in the morning with coffee for us. Occasionally we sleep in the same bed if I know I will easily sleep. No complaints apart from the fact I still have terrible insomnia.

I can't agree Saetana.Where is the pleasure in getting so tired you need to still go the spare room occasionally to catch up?It's well known lack of sleep has major health implications.Even one bad night affects my energy, concentration etc.And with years of broken nights with children and insomnia due to shifts and the menopause I'm not going back to that.My parents had separate rooms from me being little and them in their 50s.But they were totally devoted to each other into their late 90s.Of course I don't know -or wanted to know !- the details of their sex life.DH prefers my company and finds me more attractive when I'm not grumpy and tired.And vice versa!We talk about it.That's key to a happy marriage for us.

As I said upthread, there is a difference between having separate rooms- which implies a bigger emotional distance, and just sleeping separately which implies a need for sleep.

Saetana that's a load of rubbish. My gran and grandad slept in separate bedrooms most of their married life and celebrated their golden wedding. They were very happily married because they slept separately.