I've just returned home from yet another social occasion feeling absolutely exhausted from company.
I've never been gregarious but could strike up conversation, asking questions, being interested in the other person etc. Obviously I don't wish to sound like I interrogate anyone😬 I just used to be able to continue a conversation around a room and butterfly across to another group of feeling confident and happy. etc.
I don't know if it's since covid, or weather I'm doing something wrong (I am conscious of sounding desperate for friends of course and I am mindful of being too full on so I don't think it's this)
My partner asked me to a sports social this eve. We were standing on our own probably half an hour before anyone else looked up etc which is fine. I made some small talk about the lovely food and the effort everyone had gone to, found the host and said 'thanks for the invite ', we added acceptable offerings to the pot luck etc.
I found someone who was on their own and chatted for a bit but she acted rather miserable and after ten mins, the chat had dried up. This happened twice in a row so my partner and I sat and chatted quietly within the social group. When he got up to find something, I scooted across and joined in discreetly with some other women talking. I listened mostly but it was all about sauanas and spinning classes....neither of which I know anything about.
I sat on my own a lot trying to look fine but felt quite awful.
The notable thing my partner said all evening was he wished he was x age again ( it's when he lost his virginity which is very sweet but actually I don't feel the need to be reminded over again that he feels old and cronky and as he says ' the best years of his life are behind him'.
I have some lovely memories of old boyfriends and my first marriage but wouldn't ever tell him in front of others a out my good times. Just seemed a bit misplaced.
There was some beautiful people there (it being a gym with the people who train) I felt ok ish while there but it got more painful the more the evening wore on.
My partner didn't help by oggling the lady who does the training for him 🥺she is beautiful and deserves to be...she puts the time and effort in to make her body it's best.
He then told me a story on the way home about how when he was in the car with his Friend that she was walking along and waved at him. He took great pride in telling me that his friend was asking who the lady was ...and apparently he said ' ooh it's a long story'!?!he was trying to be macho and have a laugh but I didn't really know what to say.
I'd never ever tell my partner something like this if id had a silly moment with a girlfriend over a handsome man.
I've come back from the evening feeling flat emotionally and angry about the effort it took me to go when I wasn't feeling brilliant...to them put as much effort in as possible..to then feel exhausted on leaving.
I'd have muxh preferred a walk on the beach on my own, glass of wine and a book.
I don't seem to be able to entertain anyone anymore, it was clear I wasn't interesting or worth bothering with and I increasingly feel this when I socialise.
What am I doing wrong ? 🥹
